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Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#231

Post by [deleted] »

kraf wrote: post #213
sowbug wrote: post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

Sorry to be so blunt but are you advocating for letting developing minds get addicted? I hear expert after expert talking about the negative effects of those types of behavior and content. When you say they crashed a thousand times, what does that mean? Months without sleep, streaks of failure in school? I'm curious if moderation means that they are now using devices less than 7 hours a day which seems to be the aver…

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Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#232

Post by forgotusername6 »

I don't limit the time my kids can use screens at all. When I was a kid I watched TV or played video games for about 12 hours a day at weekends and as much as I could at other times. It didn't do me any harm. In fact the obsession with computers probably helped me with my career.

I don't allow social media though, as that is undeniably toxic. Also attention span reducing tiktok is not allowed. They watch a lot of YouTube, and we watch stuff together sometimes. It is basically the TV of their generation and although some of the stuff they watch is mindless, some of it is informative and helps them develop useful skills.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#233

Post by baron816 »

nvln wrote: post #139
sowbug wrote: post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

This! Parenting is not a "Here is the rule, here is the consequence" job. Raising responsible humans requires, well, giving them responsibility, the opportunity for soft failures to learn from and having those awkward long talks and figuring out how to set healthy boundaries. The other part of the equation: The internet is an important aspect of the current generation's identity and culture. What seems like addiction…

> giving them responsibility

I am not a parent, so maybe don't listen to me, but if I were (especially to boys), I would try to deeply instill a value of responsibility into them.

Boys are naturally going to have a higher tolerance for risk, and that can be a very good thing, but it needs to be directed and they need to learn to differentiate good risks from bad ones.

But more generally, building up an identity of being responsible and showing what is expected of them as a child, family member, citizen, human being, etc. will hopefully mean they will do what needs to get done when it needs to be done. Try to get them to ask themselves "what's the responsible thing to do here" and "why is that the responsible thing to do".

idk, maybe that's super obvious. Sorry for posting my naive opinion.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#234

Post by colechristensen »

kraf wrote: post #213
sowbug wrote: post #98

Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…

Sorry to be so blunt but are you advocating for letting developing minds get addicted? I hear expert after expert talking about the negative effects of those types of behavior and content. When you say they crashed a thousand times, what does that mean? Months without sleep, streaks of failure in school? I'm curious if moderation means that they are now using devices less than 7 hours a day which seems to be the aver…

The most repressed / “protected” people I’ve known have also had the biggest trouble dealing with the real world when those limitations were lifted.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#235

Post by europeanguy »

sowbug wrote: post #196
europeanguy wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for sharing. I don't doubt that it worked for you, but I wonder whether this is a good approach. You say you never had limits on anything. Say one of your kids tells you he wants to trying heroin a bit. Would you let him? Now, obviously mobile phones aren't as addictive as heroin and the consequences of failing to control yourself aren't as bad either, but they're still extremely addictive. They're addictive e…

If my kid asked me about heroin, he'd be asking for advice, not permission. Kids do much more than their parents know about; they always have, they always will. Imagine if your kid came to you asking for advice, and you responded as if you were asked for permission. | "Dad, what do you think about heroin?" | "If you go near that stuff, you'll be grounded for a month." | "Thanks, Dad." (proceeds to try heroin) In the…

> That's a very different question. And my answer was to teach my children not to become prey.

Yeah but from your answers it looks like you failed at that. All your example interactions seem to come from kids that can't take their eyes off the screen.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#236

Post by kludgemaker »

The cardinal virtues - prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance - help protect the "mind and character" from addiction or disordered attachment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues

I try to help my son understand and cultivate these virtues. He is 11, and is home-schooled.

Practically, right now we use several exercises specifically intended to combat screen attachment:

1) he is supposed to set a timer when getting on his iPad (totally up to him, but HE chooses to use it)

2) two regular days a week when he can Skype with his best friends (looks forward to the social time more than the game time)

3) typically a once-a-month screen detox for 3 to 7 days (no screen time, period.)

The most effective exercise is the screen detox. Within a day his attitude changes for the better: he practices his piano more eagerly, he acts sweeter, he finds "real" things to get into, and is more creative than usual. We're doing a detox right now; he learned backgammon from a friend at his chess club yesterday, made a backgammon board this morning before school, and taught me how to play when I got home from work. ...typical example of what happens during a detox. In the summer it was usually things like playing football or collecting bugs and lizards outside that happened when the iPad was put on the shelf.

I'm ashamed (and humbled) to say that I need a detox more than he does. But I grew up not being taught to develop virtue, and I have a lot of self-correction that I'm working through. Setting my son up to not have to deal with addiction in the first place is something I can give him that I wish I had been given. His generation also has (soon to be "Saint") Carlo Acutis as a role model.

I need to set up a Pi-hole, and filter out adult website URLs for our home internet.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#237

Post by tommica »

kludgemaker wrote: post #236

The cardinal virtues - prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance - help protect the "mind and character" from addiction or disordered attachment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues I try to help my son understand and cultivate these virtues. He is 11, and is home-schooled. Practically, right now we use several exercises specifically intended to combat screen attachment: 1) he is supposed to set a timer…

Curious, do you tell him about your own struggles with it? It seems like that the both of you are learning it together, so what kind of reflections have you made with yourself, when you look at your son figuring it out?

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#238

Post by t0bia_s »

Kids reflects parents habits. It would be naive to think that restrictions for kids limit addiction while parents constantly look at screen.

If you want kids be interested in others things, be an example and show them.

Beside of this, talk with kids about how internet works and what threats are there. I'm sure most of HN users are informed enough in this topic.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#239

Post by ngoilapites »

friedman23 wrote: post #193
TaupeRanger wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For every one of these anecdotes there's another where the kid got unrestricted access and is now incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without having their tablet with them, and is chronically addicted to the screen at nearly every waking moment, to their extreme detriment in school and social encounters. I have a family member like this.

Yep, all these people don't understand they are handing their kids slot machines disguised as harmless kid games. Completely irresponsible.

There is no black or white on this point, still clearly there is an unprotected risk.

Re: Ask HN: How do you protect your children from internet addiction?

#240

Post by [deleted] »

Kranar wrote: post #228
TaupeRanger wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For every one of these anecdotes there's another where the kid got unrestricted access and is now incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without having their tablet with them, and is chronically addicted to the screen at nearly every waking moment, to their extreme detriment in school and social encounters. I have a family member like this.

Yep and what's worse is no parent is going to ever admit that they gave their child unlimited screen time and now their child is addicted. Anecdotes that exhibit this kind of asymmetry are effectively worthless.

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