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Ask HN: How are you holding up?

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Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#231
I was working remotely before Covid hit, so little has changed with my work--the biggest change is that I have more work. Some of my friends have lost family members to Covid, but no one in my family or friends has died yet.

I've had to make some big adjustments to my life plan due to Covid, though. In February I was planning to move into a van, because I wanted to own my own living space, but didn't want to commit to any of the locations I found where I could afford to buy property. Part of this plan was to shower in rock climbing gyms, but all these closed down, and even though some in the South are reopening now, I don't think the pandemic risks are worth it. In late May I finally bought the van and I'm showering at a friend's place until I can build a shower in the van. Frankly, I'm terrified of this whole process--it's hard to sleep at night sometimes because I tend to ruminate on all the ways things could go wrong. But I'm doing it, and so far I've made it through all the challenges.

Three years and nine months ago, I stopped drinking and started consciously trying to build real coping mechanisms, and today I'm seeing my efforts from those years pay off a lot. Here are some things that have been helping me:

1. Exercise: I'm fortunate enough to live in an area where I can rock climb, which I love. But almost anyone can run, and cardio arguably works better than anything for improving ones health and mood. Years ago I used a plan similar to this one[1] to run a marathon, and it was not as hard as I thought it would be. I would encourage anyone who is having trouble staying fit right now to pick up this plan and start. You don't need an official marathon event to run a marathon--there are plenty of 26.2-mile loops in the world. Do it for yourself not for the medal.

2. Gratitude: one thing I've been trying to do is spend some time each day thinking of what I'm grateful for. This has helped immensely: as a problem-solver my tendency is to focus on problems in my life because things that are going well don't require any action, but the end result of that is that I only ever see the problems in life. If nothing else, I can hear, I can see, I can walk--these are all incredible things and they are not guaranteed--many people can't do these things. And indeed I'm much more fortunate than just these basics.

3. Let love guide my actions, not fear. It's easy to let fear run away with my thoughts, but when I'm doing well, I can act out of love. Earlier in my life I thought I needed fear to keep me safe, but I've learned in the past few years that all the things I did out of fear to keep myself safe, I can do out of love for myself and others. Sometimes that means doing the same things--wearing a mask, washing my hands, being politically active--but doing these things out of love for myself and others feels different than doing them out of fear. I'm far from perfect here (as anyone can see in my post history) but I've made a lot of progress.

4. Meditation: setting aside time to actually think about 2 and 3 and refocus is key.

5. Diet: eating well has been really hard for me, but recently I've been focusing on eating healthy, low-calorie things (vegetables, fruits, lean meats) rather than focusing on not eating unhealthy things. It's a subtle difference but it seems to be helping.

6. Going easy on myself: I have trouble with consistency and motivation on all these things, and can judge myself really harshly when I go days without meditating or exercising or eating well.

7. Understanding my own limitations: I have a lot of strong feelings about systemic police racism, brutality and murder, the mass death being caused by irresponsible handling of Covid, etc. But ultimately, I'm a white guy who can't speak for black people, I'm a web developer whose skills are unsuited for helping with Covid, and I've got enough problems and responsibilities in my own life that I can't take on the totalitarianism which is rising on both sides of the political spectrum. It's not within my abilities to save the world. I try to create the change I'm capable of, but at the end of the day I'm no use to humanity if I can't take care of myself.

8. Staying connected: I've been making a concerted effort to show my face on Zoom calls, call people I'm close with, and spend time in person with people (6 feet apart and wearing masks). I've even met new people during the pandemic, and I've kept in contact with some elderly people in my community which has been incredibly rewarding--these are the people most at risk from the pandemic and the dangers of isolation and with the most experience to offer you.

This is just what has been working for me. I hope something here helps someone.

[1] https://www.halhigdon.com/training-programs/marathon-trainin...

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#232
post #16

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior…

I identify with a lot of what you say. As someone who is (as you say) "pro-equality-altruistic" but not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", one thing I want to say is that I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I feel like the media and social media are making it feel like we all hate each other for tiny differences in our worldviews. I've come to believe that those spaces are dominated by the most entrenched,…

A lot of people want similar outcomes but disagree on how to get there. When you recognize that you and the other person want the same outcome but disagree on HOW to get there it's more annoying than it is anger inducing. I'm not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", but I get why people want it. By seeing their point of view I can at least say, I see your heart and I get that this is because you want more goodness in the world. Just a long winded way of saying. I agree with this too much online is pushing conflict or blind agreement, and not as much shades of agreement or small disagreements.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#233
post #51

I feel a touch of shame considering the tenor of this thread, but amazing. I just said to my wife I don’t want to go back. And I have a pretty spacious private office. We had our first child on Halloween and we both had only returned to work for a month before being forced to wfh. We both still are. It’s great watching my son every day grow. My wife’s job leaves her twiddling her thumbs a lot so she gets to spend a l…

> We had our first child on Halloween

As someone who also has a birthday on Halloween, let me share something that I learned in childhood:

Don't give your kid candy for birthday presents. They'll start hating it past age 10. Trust me.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#235
Remote work has put a spotlight on all of the issues at my company. I'm working more hours for less pay and all I can think about is how to get out. It's painful and I'm struggling to keep my sanity.

Pro: I'm more motivated than ever to work toward finding a new job.

Con: The job market is terrible for someone trying to change careers.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#237
post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Loneliness can be a serious problem. You really really do need some social contact. To keep things safe, I think the best approach is to have a small group of people who meet with each other but nobody outside the group. It won't hurt to also keep some distance to each other.

Any suggestions for doing so would be helpful to me (and hopefully the OP). If you have any specific ideas, please reply. When you don't have a small group of people to begin with, this is really difficult advice to follow

Ideally, get in touch with a few friends or neighbours. If you really don't know anyone in the vicinity, I'd suggest finding some like-minded people online and agree to meet in person. Or get to know your neighbours.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#238
I've always been a fairly private person. My kids see me every other week and we communicate via Telegram with random memes or silliness.

My personal projects are sort of stagnant but I'll occassionally try to tinker with Rust, hone my front end skills or just dump more hours into real work.

My guitars probably annoy my neighbors as I slowly start to increase the volume on my amp that much closer to 11.

I saw my brother after 2 months and a friend after 3. Dating just stopped in all forms (e.g. virtual).

I'm reading The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham and taking "stock" in my overall investment strategy and just trying to be more aware.

Been asking myself what I really want as a dude with over 23 years of IT exposure, living by himself. The life questions really have become more prominent during this time.

Lost my ex-brother in law who I really got along with. He died suddenly of cardiac arrest due to stress. He was 33 yrs old. 10 yrs old when he came to the US. It hurts a great deal thinking about that, but it forces me to ask some serious questions about what I'm doing with my life.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#239
post #16

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior…

>Then today morning my favorite blog closed because of an attack by cancel-police.

Isn't this still speculative at this point? Last I read about it (on Reddit) there was no actual evidence that NYT was cooking up a hit piece.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#240
Honestly it's pretty great.

I think the lack of commuting has been a real benefit to my life. I've got back into reading regularly, back into the habit of cooking healthily almost every day (well, except for one or two takeaways a month if I'm feeling lazy), and I've smashed through a lot of stuff on my to-do list which had been lingering there for months or years. I've also had the time to start up a second weekly game group, so I'm now in 4 RPG sessions a fortnight (done over Discord and roll20). And finally I've been getting more sleep, I'm consistently getting >8 hours a night for the first time in years.

I like my own space a lot. Since moving away from home to start university, I've hated living with people. So having almost no in-person contact since late March hasn't bothered me at all.

Regarding work, I have a very stable job and absolutely no worries about being let go, so no concerns there. I've been less productive, but not to the extent that anyone has commented on it. So, no less productive than anyone else has been. It's been very nice getting away from the open office, though.

Recently I took a week off work. I couldn't go anywhere, of course, but just having a week to myself with no commitments at all, just being able to sleep in, read books, do some programming... it was great.

I wouldn't mind things remaining this way for the rest of the year.

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