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Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

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Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#231

Post by Yhippa »

noname123 wrote: post #28

Usually on this site and Quora, when people have a post like yours, the posters usually offer a piece of advice, that in my humble opinion, advices are useless because usually they say more about the advice-giver, what they wish they could've done when they were younger (doctors/lawyers who studied hard to make bank, advising all students to have fun when they're young but how did they get there?), or tout their own…

> But really fight in a moment, air out your differences, coming into a fight, knowing that you or the other person may not come out at end as friends anymore, but you have a hope to salvage things, out of a conviction to be authentic to yourself and the other person, out of an intent to love the other person even if there is a such deep well of negative emotions, frustration, hatred, feeling of injustice and inspired self-insecurity, that you can't help but to still respect/admire the uniqueness/individuality of the person and even a wisp of self-reconsideration of your own part in the sordid affair; and hope you guys might come be able to come out the other side.

Man, I wish there was HN gold for stuff like this.

I have learned to picked my fights but this is the key to determining who's most important in my life. If we can go through something like this and still talk to each other afterwards then we are friends for life.

I had this same problem. Took everything at face value in my 20's and didn't have the courage to fight. Once I did my life got much more happier. I hate that it took a long time to figure that out.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#233

Post by aerovistae »

tricolon wrote: post #193
windowshopping wrote: post #119

I've been feeling this way since middle school. I didn't really have any bad subjects in school, so I figured I could do whatever interested me professionally, but nothing really strongly appealed to me other than a paycheck large enough to eat out whenever I wanted. I discovered programming was pretty fun, now I'm a software engineer, and I'm just saving money for..... something . I don't know what. I've been trying…

I've felt similarly since middle school. I keep coming back to poor education as the root cause of many problems worth fixing. Sometimes, the root cause is more basic: poor public health. Most hard problems are going to be solved very slowly. In the meantime, short-term solutions just don't seem worthwhile. The frustrating part is that it's not readily apparent how our technical skills can help with these hard, funda…

Exactly so.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#234

Post by Yhippa »

I'd be shocked if there were people on HN that haven't gone through that. I know that.

I'll be short with my advice: 1) Be open to change 2) Take a risk and try something different than what you're presently doing

If you can, change before others make you change.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#235

Post by glennsl »

kkoomi wrote: post #215
daveloyall wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Employment contracts aside... Let's just ask ourselves, is having a job optional? Of course it is optional, because no one is holding a gun to your head, right? But "everybody knows" that 1. if you don't work, you'll sooner or later (perhaps sooner!) be homeless and 2. homelessness can lead to sudden, violent death. Just because the trigger and the barrel are far apart doesn't mean it isn't a gun.

I, too, hate the endless mouse wheel of employment. However, having a job is a COMPLETELY OPTIONAL choice that one makes; nothing is stopping any of us from living on a deserted island without a job. Having a job is the cost of living in society. It sucks and needs improvement, but it is not as bad as slavery where you have no choice and not much gain.

Don't you think the owner of this deserted island with enough resources to live on might at some point object to you being there and force you off his land?

There is no living outside of society, outside of private property and the rule of law. There is no real choice here.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#236

Post by madelinecameron »

windowshopping wrote: post #119

I've been feeling this way since middle school. I didn't really have any bad subjects in school, so I figured I could do whatever interested me professionally, but nothing really strongly appealed to me other than a paycheck large enough to eat out whenever I wanted. I discovered programming was pretty fun, now I'm a software engineer, and I'm just saving money for..... something . I don't know what. I've been trying…

>I want to fix something that's manifestly broken. I envy Elon Musk above all others, because he's seen terribly important things that were very broken, and had what it took to break all barriers to fixing them.

Here is the thing though: Elon didn't pop into existence as the founder of SpaceX or Telsa, or being involved in PayPal.

The way I see it is that he didn't just take the steps to break through the barriers, he took all the steps to get to the barrier.

No one glamorizes what it takes to get to being where Elon is (ok, maybe not a lot of people) but you have to start somewhere.

Sure. Writing an app isn't going to save the world, but maybe if you can fix just one little bitty problem (even if it is just other people's boredom!), maybe you can take that little bit of leverage / money / whatever to move on to something even bigger, ad infinitum. :)

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#237

Post by RUG3Y »

I'm just coming out of a long period of "stuckness." I work in software development, but definitely feel the way you feel about my work.

For me, the lack of autonomy and freedom and everything that comes along with having a normal job feels repressive. I was an artist and musician, and I gave up, because "there's no money in it." Now I make money, but I'm sad.

I came to my wit's end. This week, I started writing on Medium. I write one story a day. I get up at 6AM, pound out a thousand words, and publish. I also started going to the gym.

I can tell you that this has made a world of difference. I feel like I have a little bit of control over something. My job isn't the only important thing about me. I'm a writer now. I will never tell anyone, "I'm a software developer." I will say, "I am a writer."

I've also started having more, and better ideas. I think that writing and having ideas can open up the whole world to us. Time will tell.

Eventually, I'd like to become self-sufficient and fire my employer.

I think if you begin to do something that stimulates you every day, you will feel less stuck. It needs to be something that you do for yourself, and only for yourself. Maybe you can take your lunch-break every day for a few weeks, and write a bunch of business ideas down. Or maybe you can compile a reading list of books that you are interested in, and read one a week.

I think if you try it, opportunities will present themselves.

Of course, advice is worth what you pay for it, but this is what works for me.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#239

Post by [deleted] »

humanrebar wrote: post #218
peatmoss wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Spirituality I rediscovered being a member of a dojo. Combines some elements of spirituality / higher purpose together with some pretty awesome exercise endorphins. It's like church, but without the god thing.

> It's like church, but without the god thing. That's like saying it's like an omelette without eggs or soup without water.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#240

Post by chadgeidel »

humanrebar wrote: post #218
peatmoss wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Spirituality I rediscovered being a member of a dojo. Combines some elements of spirituality / higher purpose together with some pretty awesome exercise endorphins. It's like church, but without the god thing.

> It's like church, but without the god thing. That's like saying it's like an omelette without eggs or soup without water.

"Going to church" is much more than worship of a god-being. Being part of a community is important. Church helps with that.
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