221–230 of 592 posts
As someone who has been alone in some deeply dark places , I'll share what's worked for me - YMMV. * You gotta force yourself out. There's no trick, you just gotta fuckin' do it. It's hard . It sucks . You've also gotta do it if only to make sure you're varying your day and creating the opportunity for chance encounters. I spent fifteen months bottled up alone and it was only through the good graces of friends that I…
It's actually my ideal setup.
However I'm lucky enough to have some friends I can just chat with occasionally which makes all the difference.
When I was truly alone it was rough.
I feel like making friends is somewhat of a part-time job at first. You just got to do whatever you can to get around people.
A warning: predator type people can also sense vulnerable lonely people so don't just make friends with anyone who will be friends with you right away. Be vary careful and if you get a sense that something isn't right don't let the pain of loneliness override your safety.
Perhaps this can also save you a little bit on psychotherapist costs: Learn to like yourself, and your own company.
Humans are social animals though, but don't try to be social for the sake of it, do things you like that involve people, and be nice to them. OTOH, I've met a couple of Uber drivers that are in it just for the social interaction of it (like retirees mostly). Others here will probably have better tips on this topic though, hope that helps.
I'm two years ahead of you in this journey. I got divorced after just over a decade with my partner. Social engagements to me were always ad-hoc. I suck at planning so I often found myself more alone than I'd like. Looking back on the last two years and auditing what worked, I would say routine and lingering were the most important thing. Trying new things is mentally draining and labor intensive, this is a fact of l…
I'm the type of guy that always moves with purpose. When I'm done doing something, I'm quick to leave. Looking back on my life so far, I think this has often been mistaken as antisocial.
Every event involving humans is default social. Leaving quickly precludes much of life's social whimsy.
I found myself in a similar place a couple of years ago. My partner passed away, which is different and the same as your situation. My advice… Run. Don’t worry about being fast. Get the Jeff Galloway run-walk-run book and just do it. You probably aren’t a running person. Cool, do it anyway. Couple of reasons. One, it will help you with your emotional state. There’s something liberating about just focusing on your ste…
+1 to running. If you run consistently, you'll learn to believe in your body as something that naturally improves if you train it well, and that belief will cross over to your mind and heart.
This is going to be a difficult time.. and that's OK. Great change is upon you. One book I cannot recommend enough is Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by James Hollis. Listen deeply to yourself, be kind with yourself. It's so very hard but so very very rewarding.
Go back to working together with people, face to face, if that's something you maybe miss. Everyone works in different ways, some people need to spend their long days while working at least together with other people, and that's ok.
Why fight a culture that enforces individualism?
Just move to a place where it’s rare being alone.
People in mexico and south are just different