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Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#221

Post by ljm »

robertk wrote: post #170
bheadmaster wrote: post #140

I don't really "believe" in regret. At each and every point in my life, I was working with the information I had at my disposal, each information having its own "weight" in my mind. Every mistake I've made has brought some information in my mind that wouldn't have been brought otherwise. Fantasies of "changing the past" are seductive, but ultimately pointless. The only way I could justify having regrets, is reminding…

Regret, like everything else, is an evolutionary corollary built out of destiny optimization that allows for counterfactual consideration of painful paths to avoid similar outcomes in the future. In the end, what physics decrees shall occur shall occur and the only thing we can do in those times of war is burn down the ships behind us and continue charging forward in this strange yet charming universe we find ourselv…

Phaedrus, is that you?

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#222

Post by [deleted] »

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #18
annie_muss wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. Mid thirties. Friends are running successful companies, making 6 figures, in early retirement. I'm still living in a small apartment struggling with a Swiss cheese resume. My advice to others: don't think "I'm still young, there's still time." Push push push today! You will rapidly run out of time. All through my twenties I did various jobs, I thought that great software job was just around the corner. Tur…

Why not study medicine and become a doctor? The web dev industry is too ageist and mostly runs on churning new-grads, whereas as a doctor, gray hair is an advantage not a perceived "disability". Or try less hip domains in SW development popular with gray beards like embedded. Pay isn't as hot as web dev, but age is not a problem. Edit, since I'm comment throttled and can't reply: In my country studying medicine is fr…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#223

Post by alocasia-1 »

The crap I tolerated from others when I was younger.

Not necessarily within relationships - that helped me define my standards and boundaries, raised my appreciation for functional relationships, yada yada ... it sucked ass but it served a purpose.

I mean more the treatment from customers and coworkers in my teens and early twenties, the restaurant jobs and summer gigs when I was just a skinny, horrifically awkward young woman that was busting her ass for minimum wage (or less) and didn't know how to stand up for herself. How I just froze up and smiled and didn't talk back. I should have humiliated those men. Instead they just went on about their day to do it to someone else.

Now I work from home and I'm too grouchy looking and, I guess, too old to get much of that any more, which is a blessing - but as far as regrets, I wish I'd found my spine in the aughts.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#226

Post by ostenning »

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #18
annie_muss wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. Mid thirties. Friends are running successful companies, making 6 figures, in early retirement. I'm still living in a small apartment struggling with a Swiss cheese resume. My advice to others: don't think "I'm still young, there's still time." Push push push today! You will rapidly run out of time. All through my twenties I did various jobs, I thought that great software job was just around the corner. Tur…

Why not study medicine and become a doctor? The web dev industry is too ageist and mostly runs on churning new-grads, whereas as a doctor, gray hair is an advantage not a perceived "disability". Or try less hip domains in SW development popular with gray beards like embedded. Pay isn't as hot as web dev, but age is not a problem. Edit, since I'm comment throttled and can't reply: In my country studying medicine is fr…

Webdev is risky as an older person if thats all you know because its the most popular, and therefore most competitive.

My advice is to use webdev as a backup to a specialisation of some kind, ideally something you can grow with. Embedded is a great choice, and its definitely more technical work.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#227

Post by celim307 »

DontchaKnowit wrote: post #179

Always had an obsessive personality. Raised Christian. Always had a bent for pushing boundaries. Got interested in the nuerochemistry of psychoactive substances. Got very involved in educating myself about drug usage, until I was finally comfortable trying them. Queue ~6 years of polysubstance abuse, wasted money, and fake ass friends. Did everything under the sun I could get my hands on. I think the list of unique d…

It’s never too late. I consider myself very isolated and introverted, but over the years collected a small circle of friends who accept me for who I am and also have gone through similar things. I have an old coworker, a couple of friends from the gym, and someone I met at 35 that may become my best friend. I ask I don’t say this to brag but that just because you missed out before does not mean you have to stay lonely.

Just be open, put yourself out there, be polite to everyone but respect your own boundaries, and don’t take it personally if things don’t pan out right away. A lot of my close relationships are ones that were background characters for a long time too , but randomly we were brought back together. There’s no template to life and it’s poison to compare yourself to others. Just start taking control of what you want your life to be like and I promise it is a skill like anything else, you just gotta practice even if you fall

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#228

Post by therufa »

DontchaKnowit wrote: post #179

Always had an obsessive personality. Raised Christian. Always had a bent for pushing boundaries. Got interested in the nuerochemistry of psychoactive substances. Got very involved in educating myself about drug usage, until I was finally comfortable trying them. Queue ~6 years of polysubstance abuse, wasted money, and fake ass friends. Did everything under the sun I could get my hands on. I think the list of unique d…

i feel like an alien too but without the drug part (maybe the internet). Not hooked on anything yet still unable to pursue meaningful relationships outside the preexisting few I have left. Lately I stopped expressing ideas to people, since most of them are just rejected or get swallowed up by the void. All i'm trying to say is that there *might* be something more to the social part.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#229

Post by the_only_law »

rr808 wrote: post #164

I wish I spent more time on my appearance and then chasing girls. I thought it was stupid vanity. Now I'm too old.

Hah, I managed to start caring after high school, but too little too late, I’m expecting to lose my most attractive physical traits will all fade sooner than later, just aging naturally.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#230

Post by the_only_law »

Sirened wrote: post #23

that I wasn't braver as a teenager and that I didn't stand up and fight for myself until I was much older. So many years lost to suffering because I was too afraid of consequences...

At the same time, around middle school something snapped and I stopped caring much about consequences, got in a fair bit of trouble that ended up costing me opportunities down the line.
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