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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#221

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

bakuninsbart wrote: post #201
philliphaydon wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Read to your children. I’ve been reading to my daughter since she was about 1 year 6 months. She’s 3 years 9 months now. It’s at the point that if she’s naughty I just say. Please pick up your toys or there won’t be a bed time story. And they are picked up quickly! She doesn’t want to miss out on story time.

She's in the right age for my absolutely favourite kids book: "The three little wolves and the big bad pig". I'm in my 30s now, and still think very fondly back to this book, love showing it to my niece and other kiddos.

Just bought this book (used) for my kid based on your comment. Thanks!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#223

Post by em-bee »

drzel wrote: post #163

When your toddler wants something, think very hard before you say no. If any amount of screaming, crying, moaning, is going to change your mind, then just save yourself the hassle and say yes. Meanwhile, your toddler will learn that when you do say no, a tantrum won't change it.

that's very good advice. it's important to be consistent, so once i say no, i try very hard to stick to that. and sometimes i wished that i had said yes instead.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#224

Post by jventura »

Freak_NL wrote: post #212
technothrasher wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you choose no circumision, American pediatricians seem to have zero idea what to do. I got tag-teamed by the pediatrician and my wife, both suggesting I was some kind of monster for questioning the need for the circumcision.

Did you give in? I mentioned this in another post, but this is completely unfathomable for most parents outside of the US excepting Jews and Muslims. It's also a very weird phenomenon culturally: the fact that it is so common in the US (between 20% and 95% or something like that varying by US state) is a surprise to many outside of it — and conversely, that most cultures don't do this at all seems to surprise many Am…

> but this is completely unfathomable for most parents outside of the US excepting Jews and Muslims.

Yeah! This is the third or fourth time I read about circumcision in the responses (after lots of answers, some for some against it), and I'm thinking WTF is wrong with all these people! For context, I'm from Europe, and circumcision is absolutely a non-topic here..

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#225

Post by shawabawa3 »

irrational wrote: post #152

You will not get any sleep for a long long time. Our oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 7! The rest learned to sleep through the night much quicker, but still… get all the sleep while you can now. But, do keep in mind that this too shall pass. All of my kids are old enough that it has been years since I was last kept from getting a full nights sleep because of the kids. Do not try to be quiet around…

Great advice

One thing I didn't understand as a new dad is how hard leaving the baby with other people is

It was very difficult the first time, even though obviously they'll be fine. You need to push yourself a little or you never get used to it. Once you've done it a few times it gets much easier. We have some friends that didn't do this and they still can't leave their babies after 18 months

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#226

Post by itsmemattchung »

Xenoamorphous wrote: post #104
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> Culture plays a big role. The west and east have _very_ different ways of raising children Can you elaborate a bit, what are the biggest differences?

One example of co-sleeping. Discouraged in the west by the American Pediatric Association, but very much the norm in the east.

[1] https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/safe-sleep/

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#228

Post by itsmemattchung »

hatware wrote: post #131
itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying I don't think this has anything to do with being a parent.

Kids will bring emotions out in you that you have locked away, for better or for worst.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#229

Post by lee »

Find a balance for all aspects of your life, and recognize when to shift that balance.

The first few days of being a parent you'll focus on your newborn and the mother, as you should. But as the pressure decreases, find moments of self-care for yourself and encourage mom to do that too.

Don't lose yourself completely to being a parent, because then you won't be the best parent you could be. Find ways to still be a husband and friend. Try to keep some of your hobbies. All while still cherishing and appreciating the moments you have with your child. There will be enough time for it all if you know what to give up.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#230

Post by RyanOD »

denton-scratch wrote: post #180
RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

> Read to your children. We set a goal of [...] I would have said "read to them", but it seemed too obvious to mention. I loved reading to my kids at bedtime. I got A LOT better at reading aloud; I think that by the time it ended (they became faster at reading to themselves than I could read aloud), I had become quite an exciting, theatrical reader. Something episodic, like The Arabian Nights, is useful: "It's bedtim…

Fair point about the quota.

In my defense, we didn't set the "100" goal until we were at book 53. I happened to sit down one day and make a list of books we had read and thought, "Wow! That's a lot of books...I wonder if we could get to 100?" So it wasn't an up-front goal. It was more of an afterthought.

But, fair point about having that be the driving force to your reading. Read for the love of being with your children and sharing stories.

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