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Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

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Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#221

Post by dennis_jeeves »

a2tech wrote: post #90
throwawayboise wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bet you're glad that they didn't view you as much of an inconvenience to their life ambitions as you view them.

Tough luck I guess? I didn't sign up for this. I love my parents, they made their decisions, I've made mine. I'm not wrecking the future I've planned for and built with my wife because they've failed to adequately plan for their care. My parents are functioning adults. They've had decades to figure out what they want to do as they age. They haven't been hit with unexpected ruin or financial woes or other troubles. Th…

>Tough luck I guess? I didn't sign up for this.

Lol. I like the attitude. ( it's compliment, I'm of similar disposition and no kids)

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#222

Post by anon2020dot00 »

trashface wrote: post #86

I speak from experience. Aging parents, especially the stubborn type, will be a massive health drain on YOUR health. For little in return. They are still going to die. Don't put them before your own family, even a little bit. It will end you. They lived their lives, you're entitled to the same.

It depends but in general, I think taking care of Parents is not a burden but a privilege. It's an appropriate way of showing affection after receiving affection from them growing up.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#224

Post by ido »

throwawayboise wrote: post #80
a2tech wrote: post #73

I'm a realist. I told my parents (one retired but active and one preparing to retire) that they needed to get their end of life plans and elder care plans in place because I wasn't going to do it for them. My wife and I don't have children and are hoping to spend our retirement being semi-mobile around the globe. We simply won't be available to take care of them in their old age. I threatened (only half joking) that…

I bet you're glad that they didn't view you as much of an inconvenience to their life ambitions as you view them.

Children lack agency, and can’t be expected to plan ahead like that.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#225

Post by lanamo »

My dad is 81, bricklayer by trade and had his own small construction business, he worked 6 days a week. The physical strength certainly helped him for a good while into his old age, but walking is becoming increasingly difficult (now using a walking stick, very slow). He also fell twice in the last few years.

In my research i found this clever stair-lift solution https://assistep.com It's mechanical, and helps prevent falling, also encourages to further "workout" and contnue to walk up and down by himself. I contacted this company to see how expensive it is - definitely way more affordable than a chairlift and a more "active" solution.

But here is the bummer: He doesn't want it. Too stuborn, and just turns me down.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#226

Post by skapadia »

There are very few real communities left. Human communities, tribes, clans, whatever you want to call them, knew how to take care of each other. Of course most humans back then didn’t live till the age we do now, but still. We try to distance ourselves from death as much as possible, whereas past communities had more stories and rituals around it, likely making it more acceptable and in some cases celebrated. Obviously there was the burden of grief, but it was spread across the community instead of concentrated in a few.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#227

Post by jlawson »

criddell wrote: post #69
czbond wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Build strength by middle age, eat nutritious foods, move daily for 30-60 minutes in a large capacity, keep the brain occupied, be social, intermittent fast to remove weight which builds up. They all need to be started earlier in life to create them as muscle memory habits, rather than "motivational habits" in old age. As one ages, body parts hurt, which demotivates people from moving, which adds weight, etc. Couple t…

Great advice. You won't have to worry about the things the person you responded to until your 90's rather than your 70's. It's still worth thinking about. My dad is in his 70's and is dealing with Lewy Body Dementia. It's terrible. If I start showing the symptoms, I'm definitely going to take control of my own death. Quality of life is far more important to me than quantity of life.

Robin Williams got Lewy Body. I guess he decided to take the same door you're looking at. I would too.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#228

Post by accountofme »

jlokier wrote: post #207
spookthesunset wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Many elderly people die of loneliness. Good thing society banned people from visiting their relatives in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. We sentenced the oldest in our population to die in what amounts to solitary confinement.

Video calls weren't banned, so it wasn't as bad as for people that nobody calls at all.

Video calls are not the same. Never will be, we like to see our loved ones, hug them, seeing them on a screen is nice, but it is not the same.

Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents

#230

Post by ta93754829 »

crispyambulance wrote: post #101
lettergram wrote: post #4

My advice is to keep your parents moving for as long as possible. Motivation and exercise is what keeps people alive and happy. I once knew a 92 year old who benched 140lbs and who’s grip was a vice. He worked out every day for ~2 hrs. Was one of the most impressive things I’ve seen. All that said, perhaps ask them what they want? For instance, their motivation might not be meals or cleaning. Getting a maid or food s…

One major thing you have to worry about with octogenarians is falls. There are all sorts of injuries related to falls but the worst one is to break a hip. It can happen very easily. When old folks break a hip, it sets off a chain of consequences that are really, really bad for their health and quality of life. To begin with, it immediately requires hospitalization and major surgery. Then, a period of immobilization s…

i just want to say, I concur with this sentiment. A fall and "simple broken hip", unfortunately is usually the beginning of the end. Sadly I've witnessed it several times. It just kicks off a chain reaction of events that leads to most old people not coming back from it.
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