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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

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221–230 of 527 posts

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#221
Lol @ the people saying tell the wife that'll only make things worse.

Bottom line you're a weak person and this depressive episode will destroy everything you've built. A strong person wouldn't cry in the shower for an hour or consider asking a woman for help.

Sincerely not trying to shit on you or your situation but this is the real underlying problem. My advice would be therapy and prescription drugs. A weak person like you needs to "talk it out" and get constant reassurance from a quack.

This seems like the only way you'd make it to an exit.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beaches aren't for everyone. In burnout situations, I find going backpacking (mountains/hiking, canoeing in the Canadian wilderness) to be even more relaxing than a beach. None of these annoying humans that seem to be always present on beaches and at workplaces. And also none of the attention-sucking internet access.

Those are probably more effective venues for killing burnout not for the reasons you give, but because those activities usually incur some goal (covering certain mileage, getting to a destination) that restores the association of reward with effort... Versus being at the beach, which simply doesn't.

I love the beach, but it's passive, so I'm still turning over work in my mind as I'm there. Swimming, hiking, camping, etc. give me tasks and actively distract me.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#224
Throwaway, this sounds like a classic case of burnout, and I don't know how to say this in a way that isn't going to sound rough, so here it is: You're doing your company a disservice by staying in your current state.

If you're unhappy with your work, you won't be passionate about leading a company. Especially through an acquisition, your colleagues are looking at you, a founder, as a leader, and drawing on you for strength. If you can find it within yourself to be that leader, then that's great! In that case, you probably shouldn't also be the lead developer, and given your extensive domain specific knowledge, it sounds like you might be doing too much all at once. I can't know; I'm not in your shoes, so this is all an outsider looking in.

It sounds like for the moment, what you really need is to pull back and relax, take some time for yourself, and recover. Your body only has so much willpower to go around, and if you get in the habit of exhausting that regularly, you'll burn out every time. Figure out if reducing your role at the company will let you continue, and do that if you want. Or, if you need to craft an exit plan, do that as well, and find someone just as passionate as you to fill your shoes. But take care of yourself first!

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#225

Lol @ the people saying tell the wife that'll only make things worse. Bottom line you're a weak person and this depressive episode will destroy everything you've built. A strong person wouldn't cry in the shower for an hour or consider asking a woman for help. Sincerely not trying to shit on you or your situation but this is the real underlying problem. My advice would be therapy and prescription drugs. A weak person…

This is a tone deaf and just plain wrong comment. Who are you to be posting these negative words from a throwaway? Why don't you tell us your real identity as a successful entrepreneur if you're such a hot shot?

OP, it's perfectly normal to be feeling this way. Humans aren't built to take the constant stress that growing a company requires. There's nothing wrong with talking out your problems in therapy with a professional either.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#226

Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.

The problem here is the founder thinks he / she is so indispensable that it would fail if he quit. So taking a week off for vacation is likely to just lead to more stress. However, the longer vacation is good advice. When I was severely burned out at a previous job (start-up) I was eventually fired because I couldn't continue the 70 hours a week and have the same, high output as I originally did when I started (I was…

If things are "that bad" at a particular work environment, I'm not sure any amount of time away will "fix" the root problems if you still have to go back there. You described taking time off (months) but you didn't go back. I have to think that the switching of jobs had something to do with your anxiety level going way down but I'd agree it would still have been "go go go" if you just switched employers overnight and started at a new place the next week.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#227
If it's any consolation I feel the same way. Company is doing 1.6MM/mo in revenue but I haven't been excited about it in over a year. I've put good people in place but I'm tired of getting up everyday and facing the exact same problems we faced 4 years ago. I'm at least 2 years out from acquisition so I'm spending my time trying to develop some satisfying hobbies. I restarted therapy a month ago and that's helping.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beaches aren't for everyone. In burnout situations, I find going backpacking (mountains/hiking, canoeing in the Canadian wilderness) to be even more relaxing than a beach. None of these annoying humans that seem to be always present on beaches and at workplaces. And also none of the attention-sucking internet access.

Those are probably more effective venues for killing burnout not for the reasons you give, but because those activities usually incur some goal (covering certain mileage, getting to a destination) that restores the association of reward with effort... Versus being at the beach, which simply doesn't.

Wow, this gave me the realization I needed about why I've been procrastinating on a project. Thanks.

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#229
post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. 2) It absolutely…

>blow you till your head pops Gross. Please practice better analogies. Edit: and the implication that sexual favors are the way a wife can support her husband... Geez...

yep, sure was silly to presume sexist attitude in original comment..

Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

#230
Holly shit a lot of weird things being said about the role of the wife. I agree with most of downvotes and wholeheartly agree with sharing with your wife.

Just commenting in a new thread to give a suggestion: have you considered promoting someone to your executive position? A founder stepping down to a "more suited" executive might not hurt the acquisition.

And I would give another thought about hiring someone for the role.

I think "sucking up" is the worst option and leaving without a plan the second worst.

Anyway, I wish you good luck. I am not a founder, but fortunately you can find advice from the right people.

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