I graduated from college 13 years ago and feel the same way. I've taken an extremely passive route -- I never even left the college -- and have only taken the path of least resistance. I learn things on my own, but they're so unfocused that I don't do anything with them.
Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
221–230 of 360 posts
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#222Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you have a family? A family, an SO or kids is the best way to understand life through other perspectives.
Getting married and/or having kids is a terrible way to try to address existential boredom. A spouse will not give your life purpose. Kids probably won't either, and if it turns out that you are unhappy and resentful after your failed attempt to solve your boredom, you can easily screw up your kids' lives (and screw up your own life, because kids are not a short-term commitment). Have kids because you want them. Not…
> Getting married and/or having kids is a terrible way to try to address existential boredom.
Starting or growing a family is a terrible way to solve problems.
If interaction with kids seems like a good use of time, start by volunteering with mentoring organizations like Big Brother/Big Sister or Boys and Girls Clubs. Or help out with the kids programs at church/temple/synagogue if you're into organized religion.
If that pans out well, consider babysitting for foster families. Foster parents do incredible amounts of good for society and get run into the ground in the process. It seems simple, but giving them a night off here and there is a huge help.
If that goes well, then maybe consider adopting or starting a family. At any rate, there are a lot of young people out there that could use positive (especially male!) role models.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#223- What else is there to life? Read Tao Te Ching and if you really understand what Tao is - you will know the answer to your question. With love I wish you good luck!
I've found a lot of personal comfort in trying to follow the Tao, but at the risk of sounding pedantic it's impossible to "understand what Tao is", and to suggest understanding is possible goes against the Tao itself.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#224PROJECTS ! You should embark on side projects. They will teach you so much more than school ever will, and they will reward you in a way that nothing else really can. If your projects can make money too, then that's icing on the cake. You will be free. I'm 25 years old with no degree, taught myself to code for the past 2 years and got turned down for thousands of developer jobs. I ended up working in a factory doing…
>... and got turned down for thousands of developer jobs.
Over what period of time? No offense, but I'm hoping that's an innocent exaggeration. I'm not very familiar with the market for developers in Canada, though based on that it sounds particularly brutal.
Either way, good on you for moving forward despite all that.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#225You have two basic tasks: maintenance and improvement. (1) pay debt. Pay rent. eat. exercise. this is self-care stuff. It's foundational to well-being. Fail at it, and you're going to be getting into serious problems. (2) While you're managing self-care, focus on the vector you're going. Where do you want it to go? Not where do your parents want, your elders want, your friends what. What do you, the individual want?…
> Religion is traditionally the touchstone for meaning and making sense for humanity.
Agreed. This is a real-life example of Ecclesiastes, an amazing book for cynics, skeptics, and people dissatisfied by practical advice.
The punchline of Ecclesiastes is complex but its:
1. There's not really a point where you are fully satisfied with the things the world offers. Nothing works: money, relationships, power, health, accomplishments, family, charity, even religion.
2. But the world was made to be enjoyable. Enjoy life. Have friends. Eat good food and drink good wine when you can.
3. Points 1 and 2 conflict a bit. Ecclesiastes doesn't really resolve the tension, but Christian theologians and philosophers say that Christ and the Gospel square that circle. As in, stop looking for tricks and start trying to figure out who God is and what He wants. Because it's about that relationship, not about habits, actions, or fine tuning our endocrine systems.
Anyway, that's a bit of a philosophical digression, but I think most of this practical advice about exercise, travel, friends, family, etc. is OK and well received, but in the end it just delays the existential crisis a little later.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#226Earlier quoted context omitted.
Employment contracts aside... Let's just ask ourselves, is having a job optional? Of course it is optional, because no one is holding a gun to your head, right? But "everybody knows" that 1. if you don't work, you'll sooner or later (perhaps sooner!) be homeless and 2. homelessness can lead to sudden, violent death. Just because the trigger and the barrel are far apart doesn't mean it isn't a gun.
> Employment contracts aside... Let's just ask ourselves, is having a job optional? The majority of people need to work if they want to survive, that's true. So "jobs" aren't voluntary. But "a job" is. You don't have to pick plants out in a field if you don't want to. If you don't like your position, or boss, or pay, you can quit and look for work elsewhere. Or even have multiple jobs! A slave doesn't get to say "Thi…
Slaves don't get to pick where they sleep, either.
Thing is, neither do most people.
SELECT TOP 1 job,residence
FROM jobs JOIN residences
WHERE jobs.pay > residences.rent
ORDER BY jobs.pay DESC, residences.rent ASC
AND jobs.category NOT IN ('murder','prostitution')
AND residences.crime_factor But that doesn't change the fact that LOTS of people believe in their hearts that they have absolutely no choice but to continue doing exactly what they are doing.
I'd hazard the guess that almost all of us have actually removed WHERE predicates because during the initial searches (back in late childhood), zero rows were returned. Predicates like
jobs.category = 'helping_people'
residences.climate = 'tropical'
Why exactly is it so hard to survive without a job, in 2016? I mean, physically. You need air and water and food and shelter. Those are listed in decreasing order of necessary frequency.
Seems to me that the problem is rent and the social framework that enforces eviction via violence--even if the space isn't otherwise being used.
I, for one, would not die without a job--not from starvation. But I would eventually be arrested, beat up, stripped of my possessions, etc, and that would eventually lead to death. The jobless don't die--they are killed.
Slavery.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#227This is a problem with living goal-oriented lives. We set out goals and by working towards those goals, we are paradoxically eroding the feeling of purpose, because what comes after the goal? Having finished a goal (finishing your major in business administration), you know how this feels.
Instead, find out what activity you can do every day, potentially for the rest of your life, that gives you meaning. For me it's eating lunch with my dad and going to the gym to meet friends and stay healthy. And reading and learning. These things don't sound profound, but they keep me happy about waking up every day.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#228> I'm 29 years old. I finished with my Business Administration degree(major) and now I just feel completely LOST! Has anyone ever felt that way?
Life is short, dark and unfair. The fact that you can recognize this means you're conscious.
> I'd like to be something -- more than just an office person. More than just someone who works that 8-5 shift.
Do you want to be in the history books? Do you want a family? God willing, you have a long life ahead of you. But opportunity cost is real when your life is limited. You have to make decisions, and many of the most rewarding choices in your life won't be fun.
School may or may not help you, but until you've defined your goals you can't break them down into the pieces needed to achieve them.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#229I'm 32 and I've had similar thoughts at least since I was 27. A kind of existential crisis tinged with deep boredom and non-clinical depression. I've found 3 things that have helped me deal with my depression/boredom: 1. Have things to look forward to: Always, always find things to anticipate and look forward to in the short and long term. Whether it is something small, like a treat at the end of the day or something…
> 3. Spirituality.
> I know that this isn't for everyone.
Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life
#230Earlier quoted context omitted.
This comment just irritated the hell out of me. Who are you to pass judgement on people you don't know? Like we all live in a just universe [1], and everything bad that is part of your life is your fault, including bad relationships with people. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis
He asked a valid question and passed no judgment. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder.
That's not a question, it's a textbook example of the complex question fallacy, which is dishonest rhetorical trickery. Also useful if you just want to insult someone but pretend you're asking a question. If a person was just interested in the guys relationship with his brother, they'd ask "how come your relationship with your brother is so trash?", without the loaded accusation at the end.
It's the same category as "so, have you stopped beating your wife yet?"