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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#211

Post by NoMoreNicksLeft »

OkayPhysicist wrote: post #177
NoMoreNicksLeft wrote: post #56

>However, it's undeniable that at that age it's all about fitting in and it would likely make them feel like a bit of an outcast if I were to limit them from being a part of it, l Should homeschool. The elimination of peer pressure makes alot of these choices dead simple. "But all the other 11 yr olds are going to the 3am tattoo orgy" just isn't a counter-argument I'll ever hear in my household. The real trouble is t…

Homeschooling without a ton of extracurriculars with interaction with children their age makes your kids weird . It completely stunts their ability to socialize. I did fencing as a kid. It was basically a 50/50 split between homeschooled kids and private school kids. It was immediately obvious which were which, and the friend groups that formed were made almost exclusively of the private school kids and the smatterin…

>The next step is some canny asshole will take advantage of these people by selling them on their superiority or offering community, and radicalize them.

I've heard this claimed many times. But I also went to school with hundreds of other children, and I remember high school enough to know that many end up weird regardless. I don't think it's the homeschooling that does this.

I hear people whine about school shootings and that it's such a big problem that it must absolutely be solved, but on the other end "don't keep your children out of school they might end up weird" strikes me sort of strange. That's really your biggest concern?

>If you're restricting your children's social life sufficiently to avoid peer pressure, you're causing irreparable harm.

I've seen zero evidence that supports this hypothesis.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#212

Post by NoMoreNicksLeft »

trinix912 wrote: post #108
NoMoreNicksLeft wrote: post #56

>However, it's undeniable that at that age it's all about fitting in and it would likely make them feel like a bit of an outcast if I were to limit them from being a part of it, l Should homeschool. The elimination of peer pressure makes alot of these choices dead simple. "But all the other 11 yr olds are going to the 3am tattoo orgy" just isn't a counter-argument I'll ever hear in my household. The real trouble is t…

> The elimination of peer pressure makes alot of these choices dead simple. Except you're not really eliminating any peer pressure unless you also lock them in your house for their entire childhood life. The moment they go out (alone or in your company), the peer pressure will kick in simply because "oh look they're all on those phones and I'm not".

My son's best friend goes to the same judo class he does. We're invited over there for holidays and other celebrations quite often. He doesn't have a phone either. They have a few chickens and some rabbits. He likes going out and seeing the animals.

We simply don't hang out with the same sort of people, nor do we let our children do so, as you do.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#213

Post by iugtmkbdfil834 »

ceejayoz wrote: post #64
ozim wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gorilla in the room are other f*ng parents. You can prevent as much as you want but then kids go to school nd everyone else has accounts they should not have or devices they should not have and your kids are angry at you because now you are the bad guy.

Yup. "Why didn't my kid get invited to that birthday? Oh, it was organized on Snapchat..." We have a no phones in the bedroom and no phones past a certain time rule, but disconnecting entirely makes one a social pariah.

Maybe, maybe not. The real question is.. do I really want my kid to associate with kids that are so heavily invested in social media. I know my personal answer to this. I even know my SO answer and the upcoming battles ahead.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#214

Post by snovymgodym »

ikiris wrote: post #118
ericmcer wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What there is 100% a precedent for prohibiting certain activities from minors because their brains are undeveloped. In the future we will view a child spending hours a day on Tiktok how we currently view a kid smoking cigarettes. It is creating an entire generation of anxious, ADHD addled kids who struggle with school and focused work of any kind.

[citation needed] for evidence that somehow TikTok is at all responsible for causing adhd

Infinite feeds designed to learn the user's preferences and then show them endless content are bad for your attention span.

Doesn't have to be TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, etc. are all the same thing.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#215

Post by nytesky »

Benjamin_Dobell wrote: post #158
ryandrake wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 2. The gorilla in the room is that most adults can barely handle online media. I think this is the huge one. Kids can spot hypocrisy easily. You can't convince a kid to not get addicted to social media if you yourself are addicted. Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. I do it by 1. not using social media and 2. when I do use my phone, set a good exampl…

> Just like children of smokers know their smoking parents telling them not to smoke are full of shit. Wait. Surely these aren't the same. My dad smoked and always told us he'd kick our ass if we started smoking. From as young as I can remember, I understood it was bad and that he was addicted, he had tried, and would continue to try to quit numerous times. He didn't often smoke in front of us when we were young. He…

I begged my parents to quit smoking for a decade, and they finally did when I was 12.

I am so sensitive and triggered to smoke even as a middle aged man, it just smells so awful to me, even the hint on a smokers clothes makes me gag.

Now we have pot, which apparently I can smell across state lines?? And through my cars hepa filter? Devils weed indeed.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#216

Post by iugtmkbdfil834 »

randunel wrote: post #73
ikiris wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Devices or accounts they should not have” Just because you think your kids should be limited to the Bible or no phones or no social media or no d&d or whatever arbitrary limits / moral panic you impose, does not extend those limits to other kids in any moral fashion. Those kids have full rights to have whatever they have and you are indeed the bad guy for your arbitrary limits if they are not common or inhibiting so…

No, those kids can't have whatever they have if they're under 13, 14 or 18, depending on what it is that they have.

They can.. if one of the following is true:

1. Their parents are doing exceptionally bad job 2. Their parents are doing exceptionally good job

Sadly, there is no way to tell, because not all kids are created equal. I know my parents had to basically remove our PC from our home ( how many parents have that option today? ) to put me and my siblings in line.

Unfortunately, this only adds to the problem, because bad parents tend to think they are great and vice-versa.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#218

Post by nytesky »

Partly it’s having a constant discussion about society, the world, and news in general. We talk about how advertisers are trying to manipulate you, social media can be addicting and is also trying to manipulate you, etc. Not an angry way, a discussion, like how magnets work or how rain forms. Just the facts ma’am.

As for permissions, my oldest avoided all social media except iMessage (because for her age that is essentially the phone line), and only got Insta at 16 — but I had the password not her, so she could give out her @handle to people to connect, but she would only go only into the fray once a week with us around (vs the zombie doom scroll scenario for instance). We will probably allow Snapchat soon since it’s becoming the new “basic” connection — I’ve not used it, so does it have a feed and likes?

My younger kids all have iPads and the 13 year old had an iPhone — they use them for music and audio books so end up in their rooms even at night. I don’t love that, but I have on tight screentime so I hope that is helping a bit.

I wish there was a good device for ONLY music and audio books, like a souped up iPod. I locked down enough I think her iPad is limited to that, but it’s not obvious. We tried Alexa devices but navigating audio books is impossible and even song selection was tedious. Kindles could almost do it but we are Apple Music family and don’t think there’s and app, and the audio book library app is finicky, and I find kindles pretty kludgy in general.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#219

Post by iforgot22 »

rbjorklin wrote: post #49

Maybe try pushing your community towards adopting https://www.waituntil8th.org/

8th grade was when all this stuff became mainstream for me. That was the iPhone 3GS release year. Social life went to crap very quickly for everyone. Should be "wait until 18th."

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#220

Post by iforgot22 »

AstralStorm wrote: post #99
antisthenes wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It’s a non-stop, swash-buckling battle to get them to put down their phones and do literally anything IRL. What a bizarre statement. You are their parent. They are 11 and 14. You can physically take their phones away. If they accept it - give the devices back. If they keep throwing tantrums - don't. Obviously that is a last resort, but it seems like you've already tried other things and failed.

As a former teen who had parents try this, we were wily enough to find the relevant computer power cables quickly. And it's harder today. You won't win this way. The kid will obtain a second device and you'll have both a screaming match and an uphill battle. Or they will mooch elsewhere and forget about seeing your kid.

My parents didn't let me have video games as a kid. Sure I could still play at a friends' house, but it was very different from having my own console or handheld.
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