211–220 of 296 posts
When they are older, computer time will be allowed, but the pursuit must be creative in nature.
Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…
We’re in a similar boat and have never set limits. Our two kids have learned to self moderate. They both like technology but get bored after a period of time and move on to other activities. We also encourage other activities with cub scouts, play dates, gymnastics, swim lessons and of course occasionally have to be strict with prioritizing homework. I give my partner credit for facilitating most of this. Maybe we’re…
Before that, we had no limits. After that, self moderation was lost. They would play forever and turn into monsters. The then-7 year old would pee in his pants and keep playing.
Parent of three ranging from tween to college age. We have never had limits on anything. Screen time/content unrestricted. Probably dozens of times, maybe hundreds, we have had "the talk" about how there's a lot of weird shit in the world, internet included, and it's better to know about that stuff and how to deal with it than to create a temporary secure enclave at home where it doesn't exist. We especially didn't w…
Wouldn't the same logic apply to drugs?
Me and my friends were over 20 years old when social media arrived and it still changed a few of them for the worse. It's a source of suffering for them and it's plain as day from the outside.
I'd advocate for letting them grow up as much as possible before having to deal with that crap while constantly discussing the dangers and negative incentives of the platforms as well as many content producers.
You teach them about moderation, you give them the tools to make their own choices, and you protect them from the obvious/bad outcomes that would cause irreparable harm. So like, add a network filter for gore/porn up to a certain age, and try to do a good job of showing how to invest their time as a reward function rather than the instant gratification path. But ultimately, babying them will prevent them from growing…
Strongly, strongly agree. I think of it similar to the issue of college students and drinking. Freshman with highly restrictive parents are at a greater risk of getting alcohol poisoning because they try to "make up for lost time" or something when they move out. My parents tried to limit a bunch of stuff in our house while I was growing up, and it never ever worked. Once I figured out self-regulation I was much bett…
I don’t know if I will. I was a computer addicted kid since I was about 8, when parents bought me a computer in 1995. When faster internet came, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I was on the internet nonstop. And later on social media - LiveJournal, Blogger, Flickr, YouTube, but also some local servers that people here won’t know. I don’t think it hurt me that much? Now I am a developer and making more money than m…
You can't compare your own childhood to this, I don't think we even get it. You have to set limits both on time and content.
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Given the extreme mimetic learning in children, it is probably important if the child sees you stopping a process they guess/know you are enjoying. The confusion which leads from questioning the reinforcement can be a source of wisdom. If the child sees you, the parent, put down the device after a few minutes, not gorging on food, sleep, and so on, having self moderation, they are more probably to also develop it. Th…
Wouldn't it be better to help a child learn self moderation without giving them such a strong addictive substance? Like for some kids, having to leave a fun play date at their friends house because they have school the next day is crushing enough but probably a good lesson in self moderation and preparedness. That's probably a simpler way to teach self-moderation rather than, here is a bag of cocaine, try not to eat…
The generation raising children now may not fully understand how critical technology will be in your child's everyday life. You can't just avoid tech, it's literally how every job gets done now, how every leisurely activity is organized or even operated. It's everywhere, unlike chocolate, which can more or less be entirely described as a needless luxury.
This isn't "chocolate" it's "literacy", and by limiting your child's access to it, you're limiting their ability to grow fluent in this new language.
Yes, there are drawbacks and problems, but those will be valuable lessons to learn.
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We’re in a similar boat and have never set limits. Our two kids have learned to self moderate. They both like technology but get bored after a period of time and move on to other activities. We also encourage other activities with cub scouts, play dates, gymnastics, swim lessons and of course occasionally have to be strict with prioritizing homework. I give my partner credit for facilitating most of this. Maybe we’re…
Yes, the forbidden-fruit effect might grease the skids toward addiction. You and I, as parents, are both fortunate that our respective children received the gift of constant attention. I fully admit that this experience-everything attitude works a lot better when you're actually there to provide choices, knowledge, feedback, etc. Two working parents who hardly see their kids during the week would have a different per…
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Amazing attitude. The mother of my kid and I are separated. I wanted to restrict content/screen time, but she gave him unrestricted access to his iPhone and now I feel it can't be undone. He's 13. I'm mostly worried about his attention span, especially when I watch him use his phone. But then again, maybe this is just a different generation and I must understand that his way of using the internet is different from mi…
My wife and I divorced last year. Fortunately, she and I have always agreed on this parenting philosophy for our kids. Unfortunately, that means I can't totally relate to the specific tension you're having, other than to guess that it must be very hard that the two of you disagree on something so intermingled with today's parent-child relationship. A screen is a great way to amuse a kid while you regain your sanity a…
> My point is that a screen isn't a pause button on your parent-child relationship. It's an experience that the kid goes through, separately from you, and it's your duty as a parent to get back in sync again afterward.
Very well said, thank you for sharing. I’ve never considered it like that because it was never my experience, nor one I’ve seen firsthand in others... but it sounds so obvious reading it now. Makes me wish I had more of that growing up. Makes me hope I remember this when I’m a parent.
I don’t know if I will. I was a computer addicted kid since I was about 8, when parents bought me a computer in 1995. When faster internet came, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I was on the internet nonstop. And later on social media - LiveJournal, Blogger, Flickr, YouTube, but also some local servers that people here won’t know. I don’t think it hurt me that much? Now I am a developer and making more money than m…
I largely agree with you. Its interesting to see what I believe to be a generational divide in these comments. I'm 28. My parents limited my internet and gaming time when I was younger and it mostly just caused resentment and anger at what I believed to be their controlling behaviour. I couldn't wait to move out. When I did move out in University the freedom I spent too much time on the things I wasn't allowed to do…
A while back I saw a ~5 year old watch the entirety of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5dUzc476Ws (pick any random 10 seconds to get the idea)
My spouse and I discussed it later in private, and we were both horrified. In the moment we had both had visceral little gasp reactions to how bad it was. We were until then only aware of a problem to the extent of "my kids are staring at screens all day", which does of course sound like 90s parents. The real problem is that some significant portion of those screens are now putting out absolutely horrifying cognition poison.
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I think the symptoms/behavior comes first, and the screens come after. My son cannot sit still. He’ll wiggle, jump, run and try to touch/lick everything in existence if he’s not entertained, and what he finds entertaining is exactly the things I mentioned before. And youtube. It’s literally the only way to get him to sit still for any amount of time (that I’ve found anyway), so that’s what restaurant time has become.…
I have nothing negative to say about your comment. The reality is your son cannot sit still at a restaurant and youtube works to have a decent dining experience. Now if outside the restaurant context, you were constantly giving him Youtube time in lieu of real world activity, I would encourage different behavior.
Like you, I try to foster in my kids an interest in everything around them. Absolutely everything is an interesting topic of discussion. Or a way to build an observational challenge - can you point to something purple? Or triangle-shaped? What instruments can you hear in this music?