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Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#211

Post by mindfulzombie »

I feel for you. Really. I've been down that rabbit hole; and it took me about 3-4 years to get back after crashing really hard with a resulting deep depression.

I wish I could give you some really good advice that would change your entire life in a heart beat. I didn't find any such solution though. For me it was about setting boundaries and finding out what was energy positive and what was energy negative in my life and start eliminating the negative stuff and amplifying the positive. My guess is this means different things for everyone.

You're probably not realising how much you let the external world control your inner world. I certainly wasn't.

Also don't feel bad for anything negative you have been letting into your life. Somewhere down the line later in life you will appreciate even those things about your past. I can say that with a bit of perspective I now understand it was inevitable for me to end up where I did and I would also not have learned the life lessons I learned and I would be in a much worse place now if I hadn't. Looking back, I wouldn't want to have missed the experience for anything. It made me better in so many ways.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#212

Post by purist33 »

enw wrote: post #130
EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

> ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work I don't want to be that guy, but this is one thing religion helps with. If your identity is based on anything physical (e.g. family, money, looks, career, etc.) it's fragile and can be lost easily, but if it's a constant not part of the physical world, it can help live life more resiliently.

Does active atheism help in this ? Sometimes when i listen to talks by people who advocate atheism and rationalism, I feel good for a while. But I am not sure if that is what you are talking about.

I used to regularly talk/text to people interested in these things about what I see/learnt about atheism and spend time making fun of religions ( within our circle ).

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#213

Post by purist33 »

wayoverthecloud wrote: post #119

It looks like you have discovered that life is boring. Doesn't matter in tech or any profession, we work to create wealth and get so engrossed in it. Once we conquer the "wealth" part we feel we don't have a meaning or a purpose anymore. And life is actually boring. To see life is boring and has no meaning is intelligence. I would go as far as to say only fools don't realize that life is boring and go on distracting…

At one time, I learnt to live with boredom. I felt it was refreshing to not keep doing something to get rid of that boredom. It got me somewhat creative also, which i loved.

But when i started hating what i do with my work, I started feeling like the remaining time apart from work is way too important to "waste" on just being bored.

I slightly understand what OP means, when he says all things he held quite close like games and creating a game, were now not as interesting as it used to be. I am also going through that. I end up playing games and doing something out of compulsion of "not wasting the precious free time", and end up getting bored of them too. I dont know if it is exactly the problem OP is facing though.

Your first paragraph doesnt even apply to me. I am very much in the beginning stages of my pursuit for wealth and the journey looks like it will be mindnumbingly boring, and I am terrified where I am going to end up in this way.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#215

Post by DWu39 »

prohobo wrote: post #169
EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

Everyone says this: work out, eat good, sleep well, let go of bullshit and get the girl. The problem is that while it often works, no one seems to understand why it does - or why it doesn't work for a lot of people. Taking care of your health and general well-being is a basic activity at some point and may not give you the necessary emotional boost to escape your own hand carved rut. The real issue is that you need t…

Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Exercise, sleep, healthy diet and foundational to balancing your body and mind. Research shows the best way to increase dopamine and serotonin is through these consistent, simple habits. Also getting more sunlight.

Once you've covered your bases, then you can work on the spirit. The last level is self-actualization. Work in itself is only a means in expressing your existence. Either it funds your lifestyle, and that's what we call a job, or it can bring fulfillment, which we call a vocation.

This is just my mental model for a good life, but I think it's a solid start for building your own.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#216

Post by DWu39 »

guessmyname wrote: post #117
EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

I agree, at least in spirit. I exercise 2 hours per day, 5 times a week, and eat healthy food: vegetables, protein, no snacks, low sugar, low salt, no ketchup, no mustard, no mayonnaise, no oil for cooking, basically anything doctors recommend, I do it, and I have been doing it for the last 5 years or so. Does it help? Probably. Do I still feel constant dread? Yes, every single day, but I learned to live with that fe…

You can try breaking those habits for a few months and see how you feel haha. Health is something we easily take for granted when we have it.

I also recommend some form of mindfulness, whether it's being fully present during a workout, or just sitting in the sun for 10 minutes in the morning.

The feeling of burnout/constant dread is a tiredness of the spirit. Physical nourishment and exercise can only provide so much. You gotta feed the soul too.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#217

Post by v-erne »

enw wrote: post #130
EddySchauHai wrote: post #40

Exercise, drop the drugs, ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work. I was in a rut for years because my work was my identity and I wasn’t where I wanted to be (thank you effective altruism for the identity crisis lol). When I moved out to California I quit drinking (for a while, quit again more recently), focused on exercising, and set a goal of not seeing my whole identity as a software developer…

> ensure you have some part of your identity unrelated to work I don't want to be that guy, but this is one thing religion helps with. If your identity is based on anything physical (e.g. family, money, looks, career, etc.) it's fragile and can be lost easily, but if it's a constant not part of the physical world, it can help live life more resiliently.

Belief can be fragile too and can easily be lost. I am not very spiritual or religious myself but from what I observe with religious parts of my family and friends there is really nothing resilient about their beliefes - they need constant refreshing and practice otherwise doubt quickly creeps in (and there is a lot of ways doubt can come in - most of religious beliefs and rituals is selfserving and does not go well with critical thinking)

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#218

Post by sn9 »

rtev wrote: post #203
ipaddr wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The right types of oils will reduce heart issues. Eating a carb heavy oil free / fat free life will kill you.

My father had a heart attack at 43. In response, he dropped red meat and dairy and had to have stents put in 2 years later as his condition deteriorated. He stopped eating any foods with added oils, as well as anything fatty like nuts and avocados. He eats absolutely zero oil, just basic grains with vegetables and fruits. Ten years later and his doctor says, aside from the stents, he shows no signs of heart disease a…

This anecdote is contrary to actual medical advice and does not suffice as evidence against the mountains of research.

You need dietary fats to be healthy, and healthy sources like fish and nuts are often recommended by doctors and dieticians to improve cardiovascular health.

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#219

Post by v-erne »

bko wrote: post #27

One thing you left out is your personal life. Are you seeing anyone or have a group of close friends? From my experience, professional stuff can only take you so far. It's enough to get you through you early/mid 20s but by the time you approach 30, its woefully inadequate to provide meaning to your life. The most meaningful things in my life revolve around my significant other and family. I don't there is any job, pr…

>> The most meaningful things in my life revolve around my significant other and family.

Im happy that this works for You but Im not sure that this is universally good way out of existancial dredd.

I would rather prefer people founding meaning first in themselves and their existance and only then add others to this equesion. Otherwise there is a risk of getting a lot of depressed people that play pretend together (speaking from experience unfortunately)

Re: Ask HN: I'm in a rut. How did you get out of yours?

#220

Post by brailsafe »

summertime42 wrote: post #69
brailsafe wrote: post #7

Hey, I've had this experience almost perfectly. It's brutal, it's called burnout, and it takes a while to recover from. Loosely, it's depression, but specifically within the context of your personal connection with work. I burnt out for the second time in March 2022, and it took about a year to start having the desire to code again, and another 3/4 of a year to find another job. When I get into this state, I almost a…

This is all great advice. I'd re-iterate on what your savings/PTO is. If you can take a month off, do it. Just do it. Stay off the drugs for a bit to let your brain return to baseline. Exercise 3 days a week. Eat healthy. Sleep lots. Rest and recover.

I would say that, while exercise is important, I wouldn't try and regiment it from the get go. Part of getting healthy mentally is just not guilting yourself about... anything. Forget about the things you have to do every day for a while, and this person might already be exercising anyway. I would recommend to continue that if they're already doing it, and exploring some new physical things if they want, but you kind of just need to give yourself the space to do what you want.
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