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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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211–220 of 343 posts

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#211

Boxes, my kids loved boxes! Often more than they toy that came in them. Plus brown boxes can be anything, encourage them draw on them, make fairy castles, forts, houses, spaceships. We took countless trips to the moon and planets with my kids in a box. Add in a few blankets and the possibilities are endless!

Adding to this, go for simple toys, wooden blocks are great. Legos are awesome for slightly older kids. Encourage them to be creative, one of my sons friends would buy Lego kits, build them, and put them on self. I say build it, break it, combine it, create it.

I bought a case of 40 wooden blocks for my granddaughters. They're a versatile toy that doesn't impose tramlines on their play.

I haven't bought them many toys; I don't want to buy them tramline toys. The local toyshop is Hamley's; I couldn't see anything in that store that wasn't both a tramline toy, and entirely made of non-recyclable plastic. I had to import the wooden blocks.

When I was a kid, I got a lot of mileage out of Meccano. Even into early adulthood, I was still using Meccano to botch together some project or other. I suppose Lego is the modern alternative; but (a) it's all plastic; and (b) modern Lego is all tramlines kits.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#212
post #134

Make sure you (both) take enough time off. Find help so you can take at least one night out a week together. Everyone seems to have their own advice (e.g. literally had two nurses back to back give different advice...aka opinions), you've got to figure out your own, sometimes not perfect way. The kid will adapt, even when you make mistakes. A lot of pediatricians seem incompetent. Double check their recommendations /…

> If you choose no circumision, American pediatricians seem to have zero idea what to do. I got tag-teamed by the pediatrician and my wife, both suggesting I was some kind of monster for questioning the need for the circumcision.

Did you give in?

I mentioned this in another post, but this is completely unfathomable for most parents outside of the US excepting Jews and Muslims. It's also a very weird phenomenon culturally: the fact that it is so common in the US (between 20% and 95% or something like that varying by US state) is a surprise to many outside of it — and conversely, that most cultures don't do this at all seems to surprise many Americans.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#213
post #116

As a father of four (soon five) - resist temptation to buy gadgets (simple walkitalkies are ok), love your partner, tell her shes beautiful and sexy and not AT ALL looking like a whale (because thats what she thinks and its not true), dont be afraid to handle the baby (they are not made of china, really. You really need to screw up to hurt them and you WILL NOT). Be prepared of sleepless nights (take turns when baby…

Oh, and tell them you love them. As often as possible. It gets harder and harder if you skip. And keep them on your lap and hug them - physical closeness goes a mile in settling a colicky baby and a toddler thats afraid or hurt themselves. Yours (and mommys) embrace is the ultimate cure - but only if you prescribe it often.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#214
post #208
post #52

1. Your life will be utterly transformed. My child has been a source of wonder and joy, but also immense challenge. Stop comparing to your previous life, you gotta dive into it. 2. Get fit. You'll likely end up needing to carry a lot of baby and toddler stuff for some time. 3. Grow your empathy muscle. It isn't easy being a newborn or a kid. There's so much they don't understand, get confused or frustrated about. So…

> 7. Baby-led Weaning was amazing for us. No purees. No special "baby food". At six months, our kid ate with us on the table, same food as us. Really helps their independence, easier on groceries, and helps to bond eating the same thing together. Totally! Only limiting factor are the teeth.

Also, no honey before 12 months because of that weird bacteria in it they can't handle yet.

But yes! Baby food may save time, but you can easily make pureed vegetables yourself (plenty of advice in books with tips on how to round out their dietary needs). Ice cube trays are useful if you prepare it in batches. Just defrost as many as you need before hand. We never gave our kid store bought baby food, and by age one he was eating along with us. At age three now he's a great eater.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#215
post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Practice patience; everything you did before will now take at least twice as long.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 2) if the baby isn't sleeping through the night by 6-8 months, pay for a sleep consultant. That's what we've done, it was the best spent money in the world, I'd pay 10x as much as we have. Our baby boy was waking up literally every hour at night from 4 months of age until 8 months, I think we were on the verge of going mad, it was completely unsustainable. After a 2 week training session with a consultant he starte…

It was basically the fact that we were going up to him and picking him up the second he would wake up at night. Like, it's a parental instinct, right? Baby wakes up, so you go up to him to comfort him and help him go to sleep. Which.....sure, works, and is nice, but turns out that he became completely dependent on it, and it was something that the sleep consultant immediately pointed out. The "training" was basically…

that's where bed-sharing really helps. our kids never made a fuss at night, and practically slept through except if they needed to feed.

i observed one family letting their baby cry it out and decided for myself that i'd never do that to my kids.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#217

You will not get any sleep for a long long time. Our oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 7! The rest learned to sleep through the night much quicker, but still… get all the sleep while you can now. But, do keep in mind that this too shall pass. All of my kids are old enough that it has been years since I was last kept from getting a full nights sleep because of the kids. Do not try to be quiet around…

On the subject of sleep, there's no point in both staying up if you don't need to. Take it in shifts so you both get rest.

Good advice unless you’re a single parent, like me. I’ve resorted to allowing my 4 year old to sleep in my bed. Otherwise, I don’t get enough sleep and, as it accumulates each night, life becomes very difficult.

I’m told that in some cultures, children sleep with their parents until much older.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#218
post #93

Don't worry if you think you are doing it 'wrong', you aren't - just because a book or person says that "the way to deal with x is y" doesn't mean it will work for your kid - everyone is different, and we're all winging it! As others have said, make sure you carve out time for yourself and partner - I know it can be scary leaving them for the first time - but seriously, you both need it and it will only make it easie…

+ to “we’re all winging it”. I tried so hard to gently mold and direct my kids (now all grown). I wanted more than anything for them to grow up with confidence (which I lacked as a kid). I tried hard to help them become what I thought everyone would define as “successful”. Pretty much none of it worked. They’ve turned out fine, but they’ve done it their way, on their time table. What I did right was (try to) show the…

> Even that didn’t come through as well as I’d hoped

In what way?

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#219

Great question. Read the answers but remember that it's wildly different for everybody. That said: The life and death matters (sorry): - Never shake your kid, ever - Sudden infant death is partly genetic (not your risk/fault), but still: no toys, pillows, plush animals in the crib -> risk of suffocating The luxury matters: - Breastfeeding does make a difference. If you can manage, try to do it - Don't worry. Whatever…

> Breastfeeding does make a difference. The difference it makes is measurable, but there are lots of other factors. On a macro scale, it absolutely makes sense to encourage breastfeeding, but mothers who can't or don't want to nurse can feel a lot of pressure and shame about it. Nursing feels like a big decision, but on an individual scale the only thing that's important is: is the baby getting their nutritional need…

> is the baby getting their nutritional needs met. And formula does that just fine.

Formula does not seed and nourish their gut microbiome. Look it up.

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