Ask HN: How are you holding up? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#211

Post by gentryb » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:47 PM UTC

eplanit wrote: post #19

nyc4today wrote: post #7

Thanks for asking and hope you are doing well! I unfortunately got dumped by a girl I was dating, lost my job and a (non-nuclear) family member while living in Manhattan, NYC. I thought I was holding up okay but once my gym shut down and social events shut down (before later transitioning to videoconference) my mental state and diet declined fast. The lack of human contact was mitigated to an extent by virtual social…

You have my sympathy re: the breakup. Why is it "Since my landlord offered no help and my lease is up" instead of " my rent is due, but I can't afford it". You make it sound like the landlord is at fault.

My lease will end without the option for renewing because the apartment was rented out from under me sight-unseen. I'm fully paid up on rent. I was never given notice or the ability to renew said lease. This isn't just "It's the landlord's fault" in my opinion. I've seen plenty about evictions - but leases expiring are something I see under represented.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#212

Post by stunt » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:48 PM UTC

jaynetics wrote: post #56

screye wrote: post #16

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior…

It never ceases to amaze me how different people are. For me, all effects have been the exact opposite. Less going out, so more cooking and healthier eating. Less tired from open office noise, so more energy for sports. More free time without commute, so I picked up some long forgotten hobbies again. This means my advice might not apply to you, but if I may still recommend one thing: ignore most of the news for a whi…

Same here. I do daily exercise now since I don't have to waste 3 hours every day commuting. I'm spending more quality time with family. It just feels that I have more time to do more things. I'm also more productive at doing my work for whatever reason.

But, I see anxiety and depression around me and I'm talking about people that didn't had a bad economic or job impact. It's just uncertainty and insecurity that breaks people. I try to support them.

Try to be creative with your time. Take it easier and have fun with your family. Don't stick to social media because it fills your day with negative content and disappointment. And don't waste your time with Youtube and Netflix because deep down you will feel pointless if you do that. And speak up and share your pain with others.

Also remember this is not the end of world. It only has been a few months and the amount of uncertainty, pain, and insecurity that you feel right now is million times less than what people have to deal for many years in some countries with civil war, sanctions, dictatorships. And they are holding up. So don't suddenly feel that you living in the worst time ever. We have everything needed to overcome this.

It's obviously different for different people and it's easy to give advice. I also know people that lost someone which makes it much harder. Don't stay alone and find something that motivates you.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#213

Post by klodolph » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:49 PM UTC

Started a new software engineering job just before stay-at-home orders. Joined the team in March. Nobody is training me. My teammates don’t like meetings so I never see them in video calls. I haven’t been getting any work done. Manager is asking me why I haven’t been getting any work done. I don’t even know where to begin.

The documentation is garbage but that’s not so unusual. What’s unusual is that I have to ask questions in writing or schedule video calls with teammates if I want to learn anything that’s not in the documentation.

I know what onboarding is supposed to look like and this isn’t it. I’ve expressed these problems to my manager but I feel like I’m not being heard. Stress levels are through the roof.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#214

Post by saltminer » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:50 PM UTC

I'm doing an internship this summer, so getting on-boarded and getting up to speed remotely has been...difficult, to say the least. I'm basically on-boarded now, with the one exception of edit access to Confluence (2 weeks of our managers escalating has done nothing thus far, apparently the other interns are in the same boat). I've found that the best way to decrease distraction, despite sitting right next to my desktop, is to use a KVM switch. For some reason, having to wait 2 seconds for it to switch to my desktop (instead of having a separate KB/M for each) makes it a lot easier to ignore it, even though my desktop and laptop are hooked up to separate monitors (decent KB/M/VGA KVMs are expensive enough, I'm not shelling out for an HDMI one).

Since I'm remote, I went home. Staying with my mom has been really enjoyable. I've gotten a lot closer with her, and gotten to enjoy her cooking again. If this had happened a year ago I probably would have hated it, but things are much better now. My vacation plans got cancelled, but I am happy to spend time here.

When my school sent everyone home after spring break, the first few weeks were rough (dealing with loneliness), but I have basically gotten used to it now. I have old high school friends I could visit, but since my mom is a doctor, it is best that I minimize exposure lest I get infected, pass it to her, and she transmit it to dozens of patients before finding out.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#215

Post by screye » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:52 PM UTC

kerkeslager wrote: post #182

screye wrote: post #16

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior…

Hey man, I identified with a lot of your post, but I've found some ways to cope with it and I'm actually doing pretty well these days. Feel free to PM me and we can talk.

Hey mate, I would really appreciate it. I am a bit busy right now, but I will ping you soon.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#216

Post by tmaly » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:54 PM UTC

mech422 wrote: post #75

jaynetics wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It never ceases to amaze me how different people are. For me, all effects have been the exact opposite. Less going out, so more cooking and healthier eating. Less tired from open office noise, so more energy for sports. More free time without commute, so I picked up some long forgotten hobbies again. This means my advice might not apply to you, but if I may still recommend one thing: ignore most of the news for a whi…

I actually feel a lil guilty about how well things are going for me. Its not really been any change for me, same schedule - same job. I think the key is as you said, mostly avoiding the news. Every day or two, I skim over the headlines on CNN but mostly I avoid it. I do check the stock market in the mornings - I swear the DJIA is just a yo-yo. But it's just out of curiosity as I still have 15+ years before I can reti…

I have found that avoiding news all together has definitely had a positive impact on my days. This includes social media.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#217

Post by dgllghr » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:54 PM UTC

screye wrote: post #16

Really badly, but could be worse. I am entirely sure that I have moderate-serious depression since the lock down started. I rely entirely on external structure and physical separation of spaces to keep myself sane. So WFH has been disastrous for me. I have been eating worse, not working out, stopped pursuing hobbies/side projects and have been incredibly unproductive at work. Thankfully, a year of good results prior…

I identify with a lot of what you say. As someone who is (as you say) "pro-equality-altruistic" but not "anti-tribal-free-speech-absolutist", one thing I want to say is that I don't hate you. I don't even dislike you. I feel like the media and social media are making it feel like we all hate each other for tiny differences in our worldviews. I've come to believe that those spaces are dominated by the most entrenched, vocal, spiteful people. If you care about equality and altruism in your heart, I'm with you. And I bet a lot more people are with you than you think.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#218

Post by gentryb » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:54 PM UTC

e_goldstein wrote: post #162

I'm a compsci undergrad with no social life. My daily social exchanges were limited to my colleages at university and room mates, and for the past five months I've been sitting alone at my desk procrastinating, scrolling down reddit and HN numbed of my senses. I've since discovered that these people don't really care about me, as no one bothers to even send me the occasional message or call. I've been dodging bullets…

Sometimes writing this helps for me as well. I'm truly glad it cleared your mind a bit.

Please don't ever consider suicide seriously. It's not a way out - but a way to hurt many more than you will ever realize. I've already posted plenty in this thread, and don't want to repeat my own situation.

Please look into the suicide hotline, or feel free to reach out (you can likely find me in my profile) if only to talk.

This is difficult for us all, and I empathize with your situation.

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#219

Post by armSixtyFour » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:55 PM UTC

iMark wrote: post #22

Years ago, I visited the zoo in Central Park in NYC and watched a polar bear, as it swam around and around in a pool. It swam in a triangle, touching the three same points on the wall of the enclosure as it made each circuit. Last month I walked around Greenwich Park in London 125 times, each time following exactly the same route. I thought about that polar bear a lot as I walked.

That polar bear was depressed: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gus_(polar_bear)

He was the first zoo animal to be given anti-depressants.

There's even a song about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maQTLIWUZtw

Re: Ask HN: How are you holding up?

#220

Post by mathattack » Tue, Jun 23, 2020, 2:57 PM UTC

I have an unusually high tolerance for ambiguity and stress - yet I’m feeling the anxiety too. A lot of it is the delicate balance between “when will this end?”, “what’s the new normal?” and “what can I uniquely enjoy” all in the context of both the disease and social unrest and awakening. If I am feeling the anxiety, most people are.