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Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

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Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#211

Post by ThrustVectoring »

Real talk: you need to figure out your priorities. Either your friends and family are a support system that helps you accomplish something meaningful and important in your career, or work is a thing you happen to do that pays the bills so you can have fulfilling personal relationships.

Neither choice is necessarily better. It's extraordinarily difficult to prioritize both - the entire point of a priority is to tell you what isn't important. I'm personally biased towards friends and family, but if you have an important mission to accomplish, go for it.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#212

Post by sevilo »

hmm I think this varies a lot based on personality and your upbringing. But here are my $0.02,

try convincing yourself that you're not your code, you're not your work. You as a person is much more than just what you're paid to do. Perhaps consider going to the gym after work for 30-60 minutes, exercising helps improve your mood. I also think hobbies that are completely unrelated to your job helps keep your personal life separate from your work life. Personal belief the tech industry overall has a not-so-good culture where people expect your job to be your passion, and they expect you to be live and breath code outside of work. Try leaving that mentality behind, as long as you perform well at your job, as long as you have the desire to improve, it doesn't have to be your passion. I typically do calligraphy and music compositions after work, which are btw very meditative hobbies.

Hope that helps.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#213

Post by RUG3Y »

mental_ wrote: post #125
RUG3Y wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with this. If you're a reasonably balanced person (meaning, the problem isn't just you) and your job makes you feel like garbage, you should try to find something else. I know it's not that easy -- I've been in the same situation. I've finally moved on and I'm in a _great_ place. I had no idea that life could be this good.

How long have you been in this job?

I've been at this new job for only a short time, so I'm aware that my perceptions can and most likely will change over time, but even if I compare my first couple of weeks at both companies, the new one has an infinitely better environment.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#214

Post by lastofus »

humanrebar wrote: post #148

My personal answer is that I'm a Christian and the teachings of the Bible directly address these issues. Some of it involves a different worldview. Changing the world becomes both less important and more possible. It becomes easier to prioritize important things in life like caring for loved ones or for others who need help. The conflict of the day, whether political, personal, or work related, doesn't endanger the p…

> Ecclesiastes is also a powerful book when I'm feeling cynical.

Ecclesiastes is my favorite book of the Bible. It's also very much a book I would never recommend to someone trying to cope with negative emotions. Personally, reading Ecclesiastes just reinforces a worldview of nihilism.

This is further reinforced by the possibility the end of the book, which prescribes what to do in the face of such meaninglessness, was added on later. From Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecclesiastes):

"Most, though not all, modern commentators regard the epilogue (12:9–14) as an addition by a later scribe. Some have identified certain other statements as further additions intended to make the book more religiously orthodox (e.g., the affirmations of God's justice and the need for piety)."

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#215

Post by sctb »

strgrd wrote: post #167
humanrebar wrote: post #148

My personal answer is that I'm a Christian and the teachings of the Bible directly address these issues. Some of it involves a different worldview. Changing the world becomes both less important and more possible. It becomes easier to prioritize important things in life like caring for loved ones or for others who need help. The conflict of the day, whether political, personal, or work related, doesn't endanger the p…

Wow, the humility! I'm sold, where do I sign up?

You've been posting a lot of snarky dismissals, and we need you to please stop.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#217

Post by omegaworks »

crpatino wrote: post #65
omegaworks wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> learn to care less about your job. This. This 100x over. Present your opinions, back them up with data / rationale, and if they don't go with them: water off a duck's back. It's their mistake if it works out poorly, or you learn something new if it works out great. If you have employers that don't let you practice this "giving fewer fucks" attitude, or hold it against you wrt career progression, that's when you sta…

It is an important life skill, cannot be denied. However, I cannot stop noticing that all the worst traits of the software industry start with the talented professionals amoungst us "caring less" about their jobs; and then the bozos running the show are free to go around wanking their minds and fucking up everything for everyone. If you ask the authors of every monstrosity out there, they will claim the Nuremberg def…

Just to clarify, I don't think it's appropriate to just "turn off" completely. Speak up. Make your opinions known, put the work in to back them up, but don't let that work be extra - build it into the time you need to prepare for meetings. Push back when you don't get enough time to do it.

If there's something alarmingly dangerous about the things that you end up doing, security concerns unaddressed etc, put the feedback in writing.

Don't clam up. Just don't let it eat away at you if you are ignored; dot your Is and cross your Ts.

It's a balancing act, of course. You have to get good at understanding and making the case for what's best for the company.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#218

Post by Mz »

I will also add the thought that you might find it helpful to do volunteer work of a sort that really tugs at your heartstrings as a means to put your day job in perspective.

I paid accident claims for over five years and a lot of my coworkers found this to be disturbing work. But, among other things, I had been a military wife and raised two special needs kids. It was rare that I took any of the emotional stress home with me. I stressed about making quota every day, but most of the run of the mill accidents did not get a rise out of me. Once in a while, I would read something particularly gruesome and have trouble with that. But I think this was on the order of once a year or so.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#219

Post by abramN »

hey, I deal with this too. Exercise does help with letting off some steam. What also does wonders is to list out the things that are bothering you, and then ask yourself - "is there anything I can (and should) do about this right now?" If the answer is yes, then do it. Otherwise, let it go for the evening, and the issue(s) will still be there in the morning. Remember too - your subconscious is a valuable tool, but you need to let go so it can do its thing! You ever have those eureka moments in the shower? You can have those same kinds of revelations in the morning regarding a problem that you thought was insurmountable the night before, but you have to stop thinking about it long enough to get the right perspective on things.

Re: Ask HN: How to not bring emotion from work back home?

#220

Post by magic_beans »

p0d wrote: post #86

I built a shed in my garden. I sit in it and listen to classical music for about 45 minutes when I am stressed after work. My family and I both benefit.

This sounds lovely. I don't have a shed or a garden, but I do have a balcony and a year-old avocado plant. I'll try it.
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