Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

My problem is it feels worse if I can't do the leetcode problems in reasonable time. And I haven't started interviewing for next summer yet (still a student).

i am at a Leadership level at one of the top 5 retailers. i generally read HN but never write..so this is my first attempt to comment.

i have interviewed about 300 people in 4 years and built at team of 50 or so engineers (full time). i manage about 15$ million in personal budget and about $30mm matrix budget.

first of all, i agree with many who said you are already doing really well being at top 4. many times i have seen folks struggling like you are (as once i did when i was a developer) and that burden can be reduced by two things.

1. your learning to understand your emotional intelligence. 2. your understanding of how your team mates work.

read or listen to John Maxwell's books or read emotional intelligence.

Many of us look past our accomplishments and continue to look at unrealistic expectations. i know i will never be Steve J or Elon M. so i have made peace with myself of setting realistic expectations from my life though i strive to move higher in life and job.

in addition, since you are already are at big 4 and are not yet laid off means you already are valued. perhaps you need to have more 1 on 1s with your coworkers and give them chance to give you feedback.

take them out for lunch and ask for honest feedback but request of them "hey i know i am not perfect, but can you give me honest and constructive feedback without making it a complaint fest so that i can improve myself?"

i was really smart coder but i had one downfall i have pretty shitty memory when it comes to memorizing definition, but i can program like hell. i had very hard time passing interviews in backward places like central USA. then i decided to move to north east and since than i have increased my salary 6 folds in 8-9 years and generally get raises every 6 months. i am the youngest person in my position in the companies history.

what i am pointing out is that may be a change is good for you if you are unhappy.

LASTLY:

lets look at the positives:

you are living in the best times in the history (you can fly wherever you would like, you eat and drink whatever you like,...)

life is so beautiful..the world is so beautiful just take a break and time to appreciate it. you should never think about hurting yourself..espeically if its about money because they fucking print money left and right..you just need to go pick it up. its everywhere.

i came to this country with my parents who worked at Albertson's grocery store for $5.15/hr.

my total salary in 2005 was 11,200. today i make quarter million and have good investments. my parents are healthy, as my daughter and wife.

life should be appreciated. money is not everything...job is not everything...if you are intelligent which you MUST be because you are at top 4 tech co. then the piece you are missing is inner peace.

You can't... My mistake... I've added my email in the comment below

Not purely randomly, I only interview at places I think I might want to work, but most of it is from inbound requests via LinkedIn. My LinkedIn profile is recruiter catnip, which helps. I've gone from Trendy Area to Trendy Area (and I'm fortunate that doing so brought me into devops/platform engineering, which I really like!) and I still get hits for mobile/Android gigs despite not touching it since before Android Studio was released.

So if a company sounds interesting, sure, I'll go talk to them. I don't actively seek them out, but they tend to find me. (And even if I don't find them particularly compelling, I might be able to sell them on consulting services.)

"I've heard from multiple people that I'm the nicest and most patient person they've ever met. I don't know where I went wrong. I used to be intelligent."

I can certainly identify with those feelings. So much of my self-worth early in my career was based on how I felt about my intelligence / ability, etc.

Here is the thing, though, most software is extremely ephemeral. What you write today is gone tomorrow, either because technology shifts, user interest shifts or simply for no damn good reason at all. Here is another thing: your intelligence is also ephemeral. Eventually, you will slow down with age.

What doesn't disappear is the impact you make on the people around you. For every instance I've felt of stupidity and worthlessness from a failed interview or a problem that was just too much for me to grasp, I can take a step back and temper those feelings with a mere handful of comments of appreciation from the past. "That project we worked on 5 years ago was a pile of sh*t but man I enjoyed working with you, we worked as a team you weren't an insufferable a$$hole like that lead we had." "When we worked on project xyz and you were the architect and let me research and develop new approaches and gave me a safe place to fail without really failing; that really helped me in my career." Those comments when you get them are golden.

Again, none of this is to say that your ability isn't part of your worth; it's just that it does not comprise the entirety of who you are. Most certainly you did not get married because your wife thought you were Stephen Hawking. Most certainly you are valued to me as you remind me of what I continue to go through. Most certainly you are of value in many ways.