Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

201–210 of 767 posts

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#201

Post by throwawayhealth »

kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

A therapist is helpful but I would also suggest seeing a psychiatrist.

Clinical depression and mood issues need to be treated with medication. I would recommend finding a psychiatrist and get a referral for therapist from them if you are able to. You would be able to work together with both medication and theraphy to get better. It will take bit of a time to get better but don't be discouraged, OP. Progress will be slow and many goals you might think of may seem unachievable so it's very important you plan small steps and follow through them.

If theraphy is cost prohibited or have long waiting line in your country, from what I know of OP's situation - I recommend getting online sessions from therapist in other English speaking countries who might be cheaper locally.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#202

Post by ambicapter »

yodsanklai wrote: post #131
necovek wrote: post #10

I don't have any idea why you think "a wife, kids" are out of the picture for you: after early adulthood, men and women are looking for someone they can see having a family with, and not for the more superfluous things in life (good looks, status or lots of money). At 43, having kids is harder for women, but usually not for men (well, at least making babies: bringing up kids does get a bit harder as you age regardles…

> At 43, having kids is harder for women, but usually not for men Finding a partner becomes hard, especially if you expect her to be 5-10 years younger. I used to be rather successful with women, was never single, always could find someone easily. I'm 45, in good shape with a good job, but it has became much harder.

> rather successful with women, was never single, always could find someone easily

The good news for GP is I think for a lot of people what you consider to be much harder is just the norm.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#204

Post by runjake »

c0nsumer wrote: post #163
jvanderbot wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have found this to be a good, if somewhat unreliable way to find therapists. But it definitely is a real resource that shouldn't be sandbagged with downvotes.

And A decent therapist is better than an ideal one. Just getting started talking to someone is key.

This is so true.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#205

Post by formerly_proven »

bowsamic wrote: post #178
ajmurmann wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been able to get a therapist appointment within a few days in the US.

I think the US has a stronger therapy culture. It reminds me of how in the US pain relief medicine is much more common, while in Germany a lot of people won’t even take paracetamol

Oh yeah definitely. In online US circles it often seems like almost every other person utilized therapy at some point, in Germany it’s pretty taboo, i.e. therapy is for the mentally ill. There are various euphemisms for totally-not-therapy therapy (e.g. coaching or supervision) in German because if you say you did or do therapy you instantly go in the loony bin.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#206

Post by circlefavshape »

mradek wrote: post #77
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

How do u find a therapist? I’m a bit weary to discuss super personal things with someone I don’t know even if they’re a professional. How can I find someone I trust and is actually good? Not like the movies where the clock is up and ok next issue. My work offers a mental health service but I’ve looked at their TOS and no thanks. Sometimes I feel like just suspending the world background process and being still would…

> How do u find a therapist?

In Ireland, at least, you ask your doctor for a recommendation

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#207

Post by soheil »

throwawayhealth wrote: post #201
kemiller2002 wrote: post #4

You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…

A therapist is helpful but I would also suggest seeing a psychiatrist. Clinical depression and mood issues need to be treated with medication. I would recommend finding a psychiatrist and get a referral for therapist from them if you are able to. You would be able to work together with both medication and theraphy to get better. It will take bit of a time to get better but don't be discouraged, OP. Progress will be s…

Please refrain from comments that could put people in danger. It is at best careless to say to someone with possible depression therapy may not be the answer.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#208

Post by rsynnott »

> a wife, kids, a house, meaningful work, etc. I mean I still do, but I guess I'm too late for the first few.

I mean, not necessarily. I know plenty of people who had their first kid in their late 30s, and one or two in their early 40s (though that is basically the end of the line, assuming your spouse is about the same age as you).

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#209

Post by josh33 »

Hi brother - just know you have intrinsic worth beyond what the world sees (or what you think the world sees). You have overcome lots of challenges in life to even get to your 40's; no one escapes challenges.

Might I recommend an outward approach? Look for an opportunity to serve someone around you and evaluate how you feel after that experience. The lift in your emotions will also power you to overcome the next challenge you are facing/will face.

I also strongly recommend therapy. It has literally saved my life. I had to bounce around to a few therapists before I found one that really resonated with me, but that external resource gave me a way to evaluate my life and decisions without my own bias.

Re: Ask HN: Has anyone here turned around their life in their 40s?

#210

Post by robinsonb5 »

As others have said there are no magic solutions, but when I was at a particularly low point I found this to be a helpful resource: https://moodgym.com.au/ I'll be honest, I didn't actually complete many of the exercises, but at some point something clicked and I understood and internalised the principle behind what it's trying to do (essentially training you to re-interpret your world in a more constructive and healthy fashion). Talking to an actual Cognitive Behavioural Therapist is, of course, better - but if you find it difficult to access one the website might be helpful.

The only other thing I'd say - and I know this is trite - but exercise is helpful, especially if you're facing something that feels overwhelming. I remember one particular morning shortly after my father passed away and I was starting to realise how much time and effort was going to be spent winding up his affairs. At the time I was regularly taking part in fitness classes at the gym, and nearly didn't go that morning - but I made the effort, and in that hour I went from feeling completely overwhelmed to feeling like I could take on anything.

Post reply on HN