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Ask HN: Marriage

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Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#21

Post by whughes »

russell wrote: post #10

50% of all US marriages end in divorce. I would say it's partly the poor judgment of youth; mine wasn't so good. Maybe it has always been true, but now it is easier to get out. Romance is a pretty poor basis for a marriage. With mutual respect comes love and a more lasting relationship. Consider all the other qualities needed for success. Starting companies is a huge commitment and raising children is an unbelievable…

That's not true: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html

Also, "all US marriages" is not the same thing as "all US first marriages." A person divorced twice and divorcing for the third time is different from a person divorcing for the first time. That has little to do with the poor judgment of youth.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#22

Post by swombat »

charlesju wrote: post #12

I don't get why everyone pushes themselves so hard in a startup. I'm in a fairly profitable startup right now (my first one, never had a job), and I still have more time for my gf than she does for me. If you have a good idea, solid team, you can execute on great ideas with 40-60 hrs a week. If you're spending more, you're not managing your resources properly. I really appreciate my gf, she helps me relax and take my…

I think the part that wreaks havoc with relationships is not so much the amount of free time but the timing of it.

For example, if you start off working on your start-up on the side to check your assumptions, that'll suck up a lot of your common free time.

Then, if you work full time on your start-up, you might find that a lot of your essential networking and meetings happen outside of normal office hours. So if your girlfriend is working office hours you might find that you've got a lot of flexibility, just not when she does. So then you find yourself busy when she's free and free when she's busy. Not a recipe for success.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#23

Post by josefresco »

TrevorJ wrote: post #13

From talking to a lot of married couples it seems as if marriage takes a lot of work and a lot of self-sacrifice. Perhaps the maturity of age has something to do with the successful marriages being those that where entered into later.

Do we actually have data that shows later-in-life marriages are more successful? (besides the submitters anecdotal evidence)

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#25

Post by josefresco »

noodle wrote: post #14

frankly, i think its a commentary on marriage, not just entrepreneurial or techie marriages. divorce rates are higher with younger couples. the younger, the higher.

where's the beef? got a url to back that up? would love to read up on it.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#26

Post by Radix »

russell wrote: post #10

50% of all US marriages end in divorce. I would say it's partly the poor judgment of youth; mine wasn't so good. Maybe it has always been true, but now it is easier to get out. Romance is a pretty poor basis for a marriage. With mutual respect comes love and a more lasting relationship. Consider all the other qualities needed for success. Starting companies is a huge commitment and raising children is an unbelievable…

There was a discussion on this 50% meme where tokenadult pointed out this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/04/19/health/19divo.html?_r=1 I believe the highest the divorce rate has ever climed was perhaps 43%. And as yummifajitas states here (http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=548939) it's mostly divorcee's getting divorced. Repeating the "half end in divorce" statistic obscures the more interesting possibility, that some people aren't able to make a good spouse.

with edits: Took me too long to find it, I got beat.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#27

Post by yummyfajitas »

Don't marry if you are a guy. At present, marriage is a contract with no upside for you. You gain nothing from marriage that you can't get from a committed non-marital relationship, and stand to lose a lot.

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#28

Post by furburger »

if you play your cards right, you could end up being married for fifty years

on the other hand, you will likely be "done" with playing mr. web startup guy within ten. you're not going to be forty three going to geeknrolla and y-combinator meets.

so what i find puzzling is why you would give up a fifty year gig for an eight year gig.

and drop this "gold digger" crap...you don't have any gold to dig. you might in fact end up leeching off of your wife

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#29

Post by furburger »

chollida1 wrote: post #17

I think the biggest problem is that both a marriage and a successful company require a lot of work. And when push comes to shove you sometimes have to let one suffer inorder to help the other. The guys you mention above all fit into the work is their life mold where they throw themselves into what ever they were doing. This won't surprise anyone but that doesn't really endear yourself to your partner. I know a very s…

I know a very successful entrepreneur who has been married 4 times now

maybe he's just a prick?

Re: Ask HN: Marriage

#30

Post by furburger »

yummyfajitas wrote: post #27

Don't marry if you are a guy. At present, marriage is a contract with no upside for you. You gain nothing from marriage that you can't get from a committed non-marital relationship, and stand to lose a lot.

still fuming over the CL erotic services decision i see
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