Ask HN: Decided I no longer want to be a SWE – what next?

The recruiters weren't at fault - the VC fund jumping to conclusions and running to tattle to my cofounder and NOT me first was what I had issues with. If I had more personal capital I'd consider suing. If anyone wants the name of the firm I'm more than happy to name names.

My network is ok, but frankly not great. Fortunately I have friends in New York who support my decision to leave and do other things in tech - potentially altogether. I really appreciate your kind words.

I've considered law school for some specific niche interests I've cultivated - fortunately have good friends in that field as well.

I want to pivot to arts and philosophy, but these are areas with guaranteed hardship when it comes to money.

My luck is that there's still a lot that interests me in tech, like datalakes, data intensive systems, OTP and webdev with elixir and phoenix, compilers and micro vms...

For me it's an easy answer, I can use tech to finance my true purpose. I'm also lucky enough to live in a country where 66k USD affords me a very comfortable life.

For you there seems to be something more fundamental missing. You seem to be in the start of a journey inwards to understand what's your purpose, what could fill the Ikigai for you.

If you have money, take a break, travel, go meet people, broad your possibilities. The world isn't just SWE, specially silicon valley cutthroat morally-bankrupt SWE. If you immerse yourself in the world out there there'll be no guarantee you'll find what you want and there is a good chance you'll suffer, but it's likely you'll find something, and that I think makes it all worth it.

My resume seems too fragmented for eng management roles, same odd hurdle for product. The few bites I've gotten have all been technical product roles - which actually makes a lot of sense.

Part of what also drove me to hate SF is how so much of "business" there is entirely fake. It's vapid and disgusting.

Might take some time to see friends as well - I've just had a few very exciting years making ok money with very little consistency and all I want now is a normal job that maybe pays $140k or so. I don't feel like that's insane either - the notion that being able to pay for an apt food and a car is "entitlement" in 2025 is ridiculous.

but thanks for your kind words.

Being a SWE doesn't mean you have to be involved in the startup grinder. I work for a privately owned company, and while my TC would be way better working for a FAANG or dealing with the startup world, there's no way I would mentally survive working in either of those environments for the 12 years I've done where I am now.

I don't work on glamorous projects; most of what I make will never be seen outside of my company, even. But I've got a child, got to move back to the rural town I was born in after I inherited my late grandfather's house (since I've been WFH my 12+ years), and I can genuinely say I enjoy my work most days.

If it's the actual job you hated I'd tell you to go back to school for something else or get into a trade, but it sounds more like you're just tired of the culture surrounding the startup and big tech scene. Go find work from companies that aren't "tech companies", you're less likely to run into leetcode interviews, shitty work/life balance, and the constant fear of your employer folding any morning.

I'm working on this - but frankly most of these companies appear to have off-shored their roles or stop responding when they realize I'm not on H1B. Sometimes I think because I'm a black man they think I'm an immigrant that they can hire more cheaply. It's happened on numerous occasions before.

I've actually thought quite a bit about being an arborist. I've always kept trees at a few friends places and really enjoy the ecology aspect. That said, I don't want to live at or around the poverty line like I did while I was a founder at a prev startup only making $40k post tax. I'm just not about that life anymore.