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Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#21

Post by muzani »

tra3 wrote: post #9
muzani wrote: post #7

They don't really have any interest in social media as we use them. It's likely there will be some other new form of social media, probably something more metaverse like Roblox or Minecraft. As a kid, I remember we had these things on TV and people would dial on phones just to have messages show up on TV. It seems kind of the same with Gen Alpha and YouTube. There's all these things like Discord, but they feel more l…

> They don't really have any interest in social media as we use them. This seems misleading, even if it's true. My kids keep asking for TikTok/Instagram etc access. Because their friends have these apps. Seeing certain messaging will them have a similar impact that it does on older individuals.

We give them access. They get bored of it because their friends aren't on it. They will swipe on TikTok, but it's missing the social aspect.

When is the last time you met anyone younger than 20 on Instagram? I'd be skeptical on that alone. Reddit and Discord still have teenagers, and those are the ones I would watch.

Influencers do exist in their lives but they seem exclusively from YouTube and Roblox. These tend to funnel into Discord and... wikis?

Things that went viral with my kids in 2024: Sprunki, The Amazing Digital Circus, Fundamental Paper Education. These are not popular on IG, FB, Twitter, TikTok, so I assume these platforms aren't popular with kids either.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#22

Post by muzani »

more_corn wrote: post #13
tra3 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They don't really have any interest in social media as we use them. This seems misleading, even if it's true. My kids keep asking for TikTok/Instagram etc access. Because their friends have these apps. Seeing certain messaging will them have a similar impact that it does on older individuals.

Yeah, I find it completely implausible that kids wouldn’t have interest in social media. Perhaps the OP is using a very restrictive definition that excludes TikTok and instagram.

I meant as we use them. Exclusionary of the [HN crowd]. I don't think most of the ones we use market to children anyway. And social networks rely on a network effect to be useful.

They will certainly find a way to socialise on the internet, but unlikely in the form we're used to. I'm saying it's like giving antibiotics to viruses; most of the solutions we have will be ineffective because the next generation will be doing something different.

Many kids will have Roblox and learned to interact in worlds with others without texting, posting, or commenting. If you play mobile games, most even disable typing because of toxicity/language/app store restrictions, and they rely on emoting to communicate.

There's one way stuff like this, which don't resemble most of today's social media: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1070710/Kind_Words_lo_fi_...

I wouldn't be surprised if a new app emerged where they'd poke each other without typing any words. Those are the ones I'd watch out for.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#23

Post by asimpleusecase »

We have limited access to devices for under ten. Even educational apps on tablets have strict time limits. Initially there is an emotional reaction to limits and we talk to them about who is in control. Them or the technology. We want them to have mastery over the tech so that they can put it down. Only when you can put it down and move on to a real world activity are you the one in control. Personal tech is a tool, a dangerous one. We would not hand car keys to a 5 year old and let them teach themselves how to drive. Recently my 13 year old asked for a blow torch to do some metal work. We explained the danger and over see the tool. He is totally absorbed in his craft, he has not asked for a phone. In a chat with a neighbour we mentioned the blow torch and said “ we find it to be less dangerous than social media on a smart phone. They stopped and said “yes, that is absolutely right.” We just got our 16 year old a smart phone but with limits. He needs the tool for work, orchestra communication and for maps of public transport. We are in a constant dialog about gaining personal freedom and responsibility. We have friends whose children are self harming due to bullying they have experienced on social media. It has been a deep discussion in their home. They are carefully walking their way forward but they regret not having more safety rails and discussion 2 years ago.

I’m of the opinion that we need to think of smart phones like power tools. And that there ought to be significant training and oversight and demonstrated understanding of risks and how to use the tool safely.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#24

Post by getwiththeprog »

Give kids more - teach them media and how to use a computer. Help them find quality programming from a young age so when they are teens they can make informed choices.

Discuss with them values, your and other peoples.

Make time for them IRL, and do things together so they don't have to find fulfilment in digital arms.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#25

Post by let_me_post_0 »

Make sure they are living full lives and have many offline occupations to fill their time with. Social media addicts are just bored teenagers who have nothing else better to do, or teenagers who feel as though they cannot be part of the local social groups so they retreat to the online world.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#26

Post by markus_zhang »

This is a question I keep asking myself. My in-laws live in until May and they give free reins of social media time to my 4-years old so I keep pulling him off. And we tightly control what he watches on TV (only downloaded videos, no YT, no network actually).

So far it's OK. But I don't know what happens when he goes into primary school and his friends start using social media because some parents just don't care. I honestly have no idea. I'll probably ask him to text using a dumb phone instead.

Worst case I'll keep a secret smart phone just for baking/maps but use a dumb phone for daily drive. Probably best for me anyway.

Social media is a nuclear blast for any mind who is not strong enough and doesn't have any hobbies. My father-in-law literally live in Tiktok and Red note. He is watching it when he goes to bed, when he is taking a dump, when he is exercising... it's just part of the body I guess. So much brain rot.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#27

Post by idermoth »

Our kids? Hell, my wife and I don't use social media, except in very limited doses for work reasons. Our kids have zero access to it and never will. Their device usage is kept at a minimum and used for mostly educational or quality conversational purposes.

I hate how many people now, whenever we're around them everyone has their phones out scrolling through 30 sec videos. They want to show you things which aren't funny, aren't entertaining, aren't informative... it's damn near Idiocracy levels of content consumption.

[Insert video of someone badly dancing with caption that says "me."]

Personally, I find it bizarre and extremely boring.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#28

Post by noufalibrahim »

No phones or SM accounts for kids till they turn 18. Yes, there's a "fear" of being an outcast but they work their way around that quickly and if they have other things to spend time on, they'll be fine. The "need" for social media is mostly FOMO.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#29

Post by scop »

Four thoughts:

1. I've developed a analog->digital path for my kids. Before they can get a music player, they get a CD player. Before they get video games, they get board games. And then, for video games, before they get Super Mario Odyssey they get the original Super Mario Bros. Each of these "first they get" is a long period. Years long. Give them something that has limitations so they can truly explore it. Find the nooks and crannies of something. Make up their own weird little things within that limitation. And then, back to music, I want my kids to know what a musical album is, know how to savor the highs and the lows, how sometimes certain tracks mean more to you based on your mood or life-stage, then just an endless playlist of newness.

2. The gorilla in the room is that most adults can barely handle online media.

3. The other gorilla in the room is porn. Again, see #2.

4. The classic philosophers placed Prudence as the queen of virtues. What is prudence? It is essentially the ability to grasp reality. Why did they say that was most important? Because you couldn't use any of the other virtues if your didn't have a good grasp of reality (e.g. fortitude would be foolhardiness if you ran into a ill-conceived death thinking you were being brave).

You need to make sure you and your kids are able to grasp reality, not just the appearance of it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you prevent the impact of social media on your children?

#30

Post by jimbob45 »

more_corn wrote: post #10
Desafinado wrote: post #6

A good start is to avoid giving them a smartphone until they're in high school. And once they have a smartphone require them to get permission from you before installing any social media apps, with consequences if they don't follow the rules (take the phone away). Make the consequences known up front, rather than reactive so they know the guidelines regarding their phone use. And whatever you do DO NOT give your chil…

I’ve got a friend who did this. His 13yr old daughter craved instagram and snuck access. The story sounded like parents of the previous generation catching their kids smoking and drinking. I’m pretty sure the prohibition didn’t work and added the spice of forbidden. I don’t know the answer, but I suspect full prohibition isn’t it.

You're not going to be able to stop your kids from doing anything unless you shackle them up nightly. However, you can stop them from doing it while under your roof and that significantly curtails their ability to take anything too far.
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