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Emotional intelligence (EI) is defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments.
A good therapist isn’t just there to help you work through past trauma or personal issues, they can also help with all your interpersonal interactions and relationships.
They also have classes all over. Check their website.
DEAR MAN is a good one.
Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.
Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying “No” clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.
Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
Mindful keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic. Speak like a “Broken record.” Keep asking for what you want. Or say “No” and express your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again. Ignore attacks. If the other person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.
Appear confident, effective, and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating.
Negotiate be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.
You’ll get much more out of a good therapist than a book. A good therapist isn’t just there to help you work through past trauma or personal issues, they can also help with all your interpersonal interactions and relationships.
https://www.amazon.com/Impro-Improvisation-Theatre-Keith-Joh...
I'm not sure it's exactly what you're looking for, but there is a book "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie - despite it's cheesy title and being pretty old, it's still very good advice. Turns out, people nature don't change that much !
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influen...
It sounds like you attempt this, you know it won’t go over well, but you say it anyway. Why are you saying things you know to be hurtful, when activity trying to not do that? Is it an impulse control issue, or is the feedback required, you just don’t know how to soften the blow?