Ask HN: Has anyone here ever tried throwing everything away?

However, in saying that, I have had times where I have been deeply unhappy in whatever I was doing in life at a time, and with regard to that, I’ve started over numerous times. I started out studying to become a lawyer. I was in my 3rd year of a law degree when I quit. I was also living in a house with a guy who was addicted to methamphetamine and unpredictable, one night, while he was out, I packed up all my shit and slipped out in the middle of the night, changed my number and never looked back. A few years later, I found myself working in a crappy job, but I had got quite high up and the money was fairly decent. I hated it so much though, so I quit my decent paying job and became an apprentice basically on some of the shittest wages I’ve ever had in my life. Financially that was difficult but doing that was the right choice it’s finally starting to pay off. There has been many times in my life where I’ve walked away from situations, or cut ties with people who were dragging me down. I often go along with things sometimes, pretending I am ok to the outside world, while I recognise I’m not ok on the inside, and when I feel like that, I try to strategize, and think of ways to make my situation better. Sometimes though, it is better to just walk away and start fresh.

Therapists are not trained in diagnosis. Just trying therapy is like finding that your house is damp, and picking randomly from the list of tradesmen that might fix a damp issue: roofers, renderers, heating engineer, plumber, ventilation installer, etc etc. If you pay a roofer, they will probably do something to your roof. But that might not be the problem.

Before getting therapy you should consult either a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists do diagnosis. Clinical psychologists do something similar which they call "formulation".

Without this you can spend years of your life in effect trying to get roofers to fix your rising damp issue. That's not an exaggeration, it happened to me: I felt bad, was in therapy for depression. For years. My problem was actually an anxiety disorder. TBH I think tradesmen are more honest: if you call a roofer and it's not a roof problem, I'd say that you have >50% chance that the roofer will tell you they can't fix the issue. All of the therapists I tried were happy to try fixing my "depression issue" for as long as I cared to pay them.

Now, the situations are not quite the same as therapists don't specialise much. IMO this is a big problem, but not one you can solve as an individual.

There are actually two reasons to get your problem diagnosed first: one, to actually figure out what it is, and two, to have another professional to hold whoever does the actual treatment (whether that's therapy or something else) to account. Otherwise a therapist can "mark their own homework" and keep convincing you that it's worth continuing to pay them, especially if you are too demoralised to put energy into finding an alternative. (Also happened to me). Clinical Psychologists also do treatment, so could suggest that they do the treatment as well, but IMO it's better to have separate person with oversight.

I do think that changing your personal circumstances can be hugely powerful, and therapists often overlook this in favour of internal work. But if you don't really know what the problem is then who knows what changes will help.

As long as you don't miss your family (you will), miss your homeland (you will), miss the cultural references of your generation (you will), miss certain foods (you will), and feel no guilt in running away from your familial obligations (you will), then have at it.

I've lost count how many times I've done this, but every time it feels like the world is falling apart. The daily dis-satisfaction became too much to bear, I had to get out and do something to turn everything upside-down. It's a traumatic event, to leave the old life behind. But I would feel such a release and peace when I finally manage to find the next big step. It has always worked out for the better, though sometimes it's a real struggle to get there.

In fact, I'm at such a crossroads these days. I already know which way I'm going to go: south, to a sunny country near the sea.

I couldn't recommend it to anyone though, I've only done it because I had to. There is great value in having a comfortable life with well-known routines - and one day I hope I will settle down.