We have only 100% to give. To become expert at socializing costs in other areas, which is why many high performing people are socially awkward. It's a tradeoff
Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
21–30 of 57 posts
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#22Because decorum requires too many rules and society has trained us to be empathetic to the other persons feelings and perspectives. People mostly untouched by the modern world find socializing very easy because they say the first thing that comes to mind.
Citation needed
There is actually some truth in the idea that developed countries suffer from more social awkwardness than developing countries. If you compare the north east coast to southern states, richer northern European countries to the poorer southern European countries, or urban areas to rural areas. A similar thing also plays out in East Asia where more developed countries tend to has more complaints about social awkwardness than less developed countries.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#23I sometimes wonder if it has something to do with the number of people we meet on a day to day basis. Way way back in the day one might have encountered fewer unfamiliar people I reckon when people travelled less, less dense communities, etc.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#24For millions of years our ancestors evolved in the form of small tribal bands bound often through some degree of kinship. Probably within only the last thousand years, maybe even within the last hundred years, have your ancestors lived in or adjacent to an urban setting. And then with that probably only within the last two or three generations have you been bound to the 40 hour work week paradigm away from natural light.
It would be very surprising if it wasn’t all challenging and difficult to navigate. Modern society and the expectations it saddles upon you are so alien to our development and present adaptions. We are built to patrol and forage, not write electron apps, swipe on tinder, or file taxes. People often find a lot of happiness going on a hike or camping, connecting to nature in some way, because it represents a moment of release from an unnaturally stressful environment into one where our primal instincts are allowed the reigns once again.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#25Consider the difference in tribes that you’ve felt really apart of and those you haven’t or are new to. That’s the natural part - we are wary of strangers. Being part of tribes helps encourage social interactions based on shared contacts, histories, language, customs, etc. We are tribal creatures based in our evolutionary history. Tribes are more successful at hunting, foraging, reproducing, and caring for each other.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#26It's not unprecedented, but it's not the same as it ever was. Because there aren't as many sharply defined and well-understood rules, protocols, and hierarchies today, people feel the awkwardness of social interaction without rules or a script. By connecting every group to every other group, mass communications removed a lot of borders and barriers, and the internet multiplied or exponentiated that effect. Clearly that has had some positive effects, but just as clearly some negative ones, of which I think this is an example.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#27Earlier quoted context omitted.
Citation needed
I don't have citation, but I concur with the GP, I grew up in the east, and it is far easier to socialize and also form deep friendships because everything is said out in the open and not hidden behind layers of decorum. Here is an example and a demonstration. As an example people are allowed to comment on someone being too heavy or too thin with them present. Here is the demonstration: Now as soon as I gave an examp…
You have cited one example of a hang up in the west that is not common in the east. That is not evidence that the east lacks hang ups.
Example: being openly gay. Demonstration: so taboo it’s illegal in some countries
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#28It’s only awkward in certain cultures. Travel more and you’ll see places where there isn’t such widespread social disturbances.
Can you name a few such places?
The entire Maritimes region in Canada. Just go to a pub, raise your glass to someone and you’ll have a roomful of friends in minutes. So friendly it brings a tear to the eye.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#29Because decorum requires too many rules and society has trained us to be empathetic to the other persons feelings and perspectives. People mostly untouched by the modern world find socializing very easy because they say the first thing that comes to mind.
Citation needed
Great example!
Has this anti-social behaviour become more prevalent because of social media, though? I suspect it has, although perhaps supplanting some other type of 'decorum' witnessed in pre-social media times.
Re: Ask HN: Have humans always found socialising so challenging?
#30I think a lot of responses here are right but as someone who has lived in big cities and small cities across multiple continents, it does seem like:
* the floor for awkward and awkward identification is lower now than it has been
* 3rd spaces and “easy to do nothing among others” cultures are way more social
I’m introverted as hell but some places bring out / inspire / feed my gregarious slices more than others. It’s true everywhere you go, you bring yourself… but I am absolutely happier and different in some places more than others.
Travelling will show you different norms, and medians too. Some places are ahead of time, and other places are on a different axis of time. And the people in those places aculturate differently too.
People are people and across time probably much the same, but collections of people can vary quite significantly.