I've taken great pleasure in cooking and strobist portrait photography. For cooking, I'm naturally terrible but even I can follow America's Test Kitchen recipes and my family has really appreciated the results! Cooking is an opportunity to have a hobby that also improves your family's quality of life. For photography, I started out with a pretty cheap mirrorless and cheap Chinese lights (Godox), and have been getting progressively better at taking pictures (by watching YouTube and practicing a lot) for 10 years. It's a lot of fun for me and at the same time creates memorable photos that my family go back to again and again.
Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
21–30 of 70 posts
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#22You're boring to everyone else? Fine. Don't be boring to your kids. Be there for them. "Dad spent time with me" will matter to your kids far more than being able to tell some rando about your hobby will matter to said rando. (Don't be boring to your wife, either.) In fact, don't be boring to the neighbor kids. You want your house to be the place they hang out, rather than your kids hanging out at the neighbor's house…
Unfortunately I think I _am_ boring to my wife and kids. I spend lots of time with them and I am very attentive to their needs, but I feel that I don't come in with my own interests or personality.
But I like the tack of this comment, I should focus my attention on the core set of people I care about.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#23Coaching your kids' sports teams is a pretty mainstream social activity for a father of young kids. By age 7, my dad was involving me at least a bit in home repair & home improvement projects. BTW - are you regularly reading to your kids? That also checks a lot of your boxes.
I have done coaching and my son loved it so I will try to keep that up. I wasn't really able to connect with any of the other parents though, I don't think any of them would recognize me if they ran into me at the grocery store.
I do read a lot to the kids, that has been great.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#24Have you considered starting a book club? I love to read and I found a few people that like to read in the same genre and we have a lot of fun.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#25Why don't you do some shit with your family, like go on a vacation or go hiking or go sailing or go to museum. You'll spend time with your family and have something to talk about.
Haha doing shit with my kids is something I should lean into more. We do a lot of vacations of course and those are always a lot of fun,
I think I feel selfish if I spend family time on my interests but that would probably be preferable to a blob of a dad who doesn't have anything he is excited to do.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#26The social pressure to "be interesting" is one of the factors that I think leads to a lot of our collective misery. I think the problem is one of scale - if you're not engaging with other people because they don't share your interests, you may be hanging out with the wrong people, but you may not have a choice. You may be required to hang out with them because they are co-workers, neighbors, etc. - members of communi…
Really good comment. While I am somewhat concerned about people in general finding me interesting, the real concern is that I don't think my family finds me all that interesting. I am available and attentive but I don't think I bring all that much to the table in terms of fun.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#27quit your job. too many people remain in a job for far too long. unless you are in a trajectory to become the vp of the company by 43, quit and start your own thing. most people think of a job as a lifetime thing whereas it is a short paid bootstrapping session to learn how the adult world works. after that you should be finding edges and exploiting them on your own.
Ha, well my job is the one part of my life I feel really good about. I'm learning a lot, have plenty of autonomy, the work is interesting/challenging, and I see a path to having a lot of impact in this role and whatever I do next (assuming human intelligence is still needed over the next few decades).
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#28"I am generally happy", good for you. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. Not everyone can say that. My suggestion is to try different things even if you have to force yourself with the hope that you'll find something you enjoy and can share. There will be many things that you can share with your kids or as a family that will get you there. It's just a matter of trying. I know time is limited but you can carve o…
> good for you. That in itself is a huge accomplishment. Not everyone can say that.
Yes, that is a good perspective. Hedonic adaptation really applies to everything
> things that you can share with your kids or as a family
Yeah I think that is part of the answer. I have perhaps over-optimized deferring to what my family wants/needs but it would probably be better for everyone if I had something I was excited to do and set aside time around that.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#29With kids of 3 and 7 I have to think that you have plenty to occupy you. Your kids school or extra-curricular activities will probably get you new acquaintances soon. (We are in touch still with some people we met through our son's school or school activities, and he is older than you are.) You could try volunteer activities I suppose. And let me also say that 33 is hardly even "getting middle aged".
> will probably get you new acquaintances soon ... 33 is hardly even "getting middle aged".
Ha, yes, saying "old" is definitely being melodramatic. I suppose I am concerned that, given my current bland state, I will have a hard time creating and sustaining connections with the ample time I have left.
Re: Ask HN: Getting old and boring – What can I do about it?
#30> I have a great remote job which pays well without being too demanding Do you mind disclosing your employer or at least how you obtained your job? Some of us are having "trouble finding employment"[1] [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38999485
I had the very fortunate experience of being aggressively sought out by a good recruiter for a shoe-in role at a small company. I wish I had some tips to share but I think my experience is non-replicable.