21–30 of 52 posts
For me, it was a combination of two things. First, I transitioned from an engineering role into sales engineering which meant I was meeting new people, running meetings, etc. every day. That exposure made me pretty comfortable with conversation and meeting new people. Second, and I think more important, is to develop a much greater sense of self-acceptance and comfort. I think a lot of my anxiety was based having som…
Toastmasters (in a club with a very chill vibe and mostly non-native speakers)
I joined Toastmasters as a “hail Mary” and spent about a decade as a regular member.
I ended up serving as President of multiple clubs, Area Governor managing five clubs, and even started the very first Toastmasters club on my university’s campus.
Toastmasters helped me get most of the way there, but even with a decade of what was essentially exposure therapy, I still faced moments of uncontrollable panic in a lot of social/presentation situations.
I went on an SSRI a few years ago and take a sliver of Propranolol before big presentations at work. Toastmasters helped me get 75% there—the meds take me the rest of the way.
For me, it was a combination of two things. First, I transitioned from an engineering role into sales engineering which meant I was meeting new people, running meetings, etc. every day. That exposure made me pretty comfortable with conversation and meeting new people. Second, and I think more important, is to develop a much greater sense of self-acceptance and comfort. I think a lot of my anxiety was based having som…
this reads like “depressed people should just stop being depressed”
I know a lot of people with mental illness. Probably more than without, actually. Some are on medication and/or therapy. But all the more functional ones accept it as a part of who they are, and still try to build a life and relationships on top of it. Mental health is just a part of your overall life, alongside physical health, relationships, work and personal goals, etc. Yes, depression can make all of that a lot harder, especially to start. But it can get better, and professionals can help, but sometimes it's also a bit of a chicken and egg situation too in that it can only improve if you force it to, but it's hard to force it to when you're depressed.
Depression sucks, but it doesn't have to define your life forever. Hang in there and keep trying :/
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Edit: my partner had this to add about the social anxiety part: Will yourself to go to events and choose not to feel bad about them, no matter what happens there. Give yourself permission to fuck up and not be charming or funny or anything and just focus on enjoying the event for yourself without worrying about what others might think. Fuck 'em. You're there for you.
It's like the OP said, it's a lot easier when you don't worry about being liked.
For me, it was a combination of two things. First, I transitioned from an engineering role into sales engineering which meant I was meeting new people, running meetings, etc. every day. That exposure made me pretty comfortable with conversation and meeting new people. Second, and I think more important, is to develop a much greater sense of self-acceptance and comfort. I think a lot of my anxiety was based having som…
this reads like “depressed people should just stop being depressed”
I never totally did — there’s certain situations I feel awkward in still — but I went from a shy kid to a fairly outgoing adult. It really was exposure, just putting myself in a public place and having small interactions with those around me. It helps going to the same spot frequently and becoming a regular because then the environment isn’t intimidating. Another big key was not expecting anything out of interactions…
It is my understanding that this probably won't be reached for many anyway. After having gone to therapy for 2 years we considered me free from social anxiety. But there are still situations I try to evade or when I blush. But my quality of life skyrocketed and I'm 95% free of symptoms. Your core beliefs won't just go away, you're child hood trauma as well. It's engrained and I think we have to learn to live with it.
As an impressionable kid (~14 y/o) being taugh so much by such competent people instilled in me confidence in my skills and myself. The social anxiety was soon gone and after 5 years of that school I have a very good friend group who share my interests and I will cherish until I die.
TLDR: Be confident in yourself and what you can do.