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International Suicide Crisis Hotline directory:
https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
If you are posting this kind of message on HN then you're at a point that you can call for a 1-1 chat. There are people who can listen. Don't rely on social media to do this.
I also had my first kid at 39. It's hard, but management. A kid in your forties isn't unheard of at all, and you can absolutely meet a wonderful woman at any point in your life.
Strong agree on seeking therapy. You have a lot of options, but getting your head and heart in a good place will make the path a whole lot more evident and smooth.
Move somewhere sunny for an AFF course, get your A license and start jumping with other people.
From your post you don't seem to have any physical disability that would prevent practicing the sport, and 43yo is by no means too old. I've met USPA instructor examiners (ie very experienced folks) that started their skydiving careers around that age.
From there you will figure out what to do next with an entirely different mindset.
What you are looking for to feel good is respect. Are you acting in a way that is worthy of respect? Fact of the matter is, earning respect is hard. Yes, it can be done through career, but it can also be done in how you treat yourself, how you treat others.
It's easy to get lost self-pity, I've been there. The only answer is to pick one hard thing where you lack skills, and work on it. Just one. For me, it was being more outgoing. Anyone asks me to do something social, the answer is always "yes". Someone wants to come over for dinner? "Ugh fine", in my head, "Oh that would be amazing!", to the other.
You are where you are potentially because you chose the easy path, instead of doing what is hard.
You need to see a therapist. Your problem is largely on your outlook on where you are in life. This is not meant to be a buck up or shut up comment, it's just that you can't improve your life until you change your outlook on things. You won't be able to move forward on things until you confront your feelings and accept your position to move out of it. To answer your question, yes. My 30's were a mess with a divorce,…
And regarding to life goals, wife and kids in particular, although I have decided not to have a family, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I think there are many single mothers out there who would appreciate a stable and solid partner with 2nd income.
My best friend that I’ve known for 45 years now was a fuck up. We are in our 50s and for most of his life he was lazy and borderline in poverty. He drank all his money away. But he’s a funny, nice guy. He had girlfriends but none for a long time because he’s not a keeper. Finally, he met a woman in her 40s last year and they are going to get married this year. They are planning on having a child, maybe through adoption. He finally got a permanent job as a teacher this year after struggling for a decade. He is out of debt. He is finally in a good place.
You can turn things around but embrace the fact that it won’t be traditional. It’s okay, happiness doesn’t have to be traditional.