Ask HN: About to have a child, completely burnt out at my job, what do I do?

If you're able to take Paternity, take it. It's going to be a whirlwind, especially if this is your first child, and this is likely the first real stretch of time you've had off in your entire adult life. It's hard to bond with a week-old child, but spend as much time as you can with the baby and make yourself available to help mom with anything she might want help with.

The good news is that the baby sleeps... a lot. You can only fill up so much time doing laundry, cleaning bottles, and doing dishes. You will have some free time, especially at the start. Use some of this time dusting off your resume and learning some things that interest you that you haven't had the chance to dig into previously. You should be free from the typical day-to-day work stresses so, if you're like me, this might actually be enjoyable. If you're already confident you dislike your job, maybe even try to get an interview or two scheduled during this time.

Once you're back to work you can evaluate with a clear head just how much you (dis)like your current job, and you should have a clearer idea of how close to the chopping block you truly are. Some employers have a knack for making you feel worthless even if you're incredibly valuable.

Make sure you're prioritizing your family; it's a lot easier to find another job. This is an very exciting time- enjoy it!

I was in a situation not unlike yours when my wife got pregnant but I was unemployed, and hadn't had a W2 job for a long time.

You have a job, take a deep breath - but clearly you will want a new job sometime soon.

My advice is to focus on people - don't be shy or embarrassed about reaching out to everyone you've ever worked with or been friends with in the industry about how you're interested in new opportunities.

I found a job while my wife was preggers through the husband of an employee of a freelance client from years back. Most people like to help people when they can!

Apply the same belief in your dad abilities to your job abilities and I trust you'll land on your feet.

You have ten years experience as a programmer and it sounds like you've been working your ass off. Get some help preparing your resume and you'll have no trouble finding another job. I agree with another comment that you might be severely underpaid unless you've been getting hefty raises.

I just had my first kid earlier this year and I won't lie - the first three months were rough - but it's true what everyone says: sleep gets better, you and the mom support each other and learn together, and it starts to get fun and rewarding.

Hopefully your work provides some parental leave for fathers but even if they do, it sounds like you should at least update your resume and look into what other jobs are available.

Take a deep breath. It's all very hard but somehow manageable. For example, I used to be dead without my 9 hours of sleep. I found out that, with screaming children, I can do with 6-7. One step at a time. It's one of those where climbing a mountain seems impossible, but taking one step is OK.

No one is prepared to be a parent, really, unless you've had 2 kids already. People forget the tough stuff when they tell you their war stories from 20+ years ago. Truth is, everyone makes it up as they go along. Being a passable parent is somehow baked into our DNA, so with a little effort you'll make a good one, and with dedication a great one.

See if you can somehow coast at work. I don't mean, take advantage of anything, but the first 12-18 months of a child's life is not ideal for pushing hard on career. For the same reason, if you'd be thinking about changing jobs, I'd take it into account.

It takes a village. Use your network.