Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 76 posts

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#21

Post by AnimalMuppet »

jmfldn wrote: post #16
prometheus76 wrote: post #5

I grew up as a Mormon and became disillusioned with that as I got older and got exposed to Eastern religions. Over time, I also became disillusioned with Eastern religions because they are ultimately nihilistic. I found Eastern Orthodoxy, which is the perfect marriage between Christianity and mysticism. My whole life has been healed as a result of becoming (and continuing to struggle to be) an Orthodox Christian. My…

I’m glad you found peace, and I am quite intrigued by Orthodox Christianity myself, but your characterisation of “eastern” religions as nihilistic is problematic for two reasons. First, “eastern”. That encompasses a vast array of cultures and traditions so it’s a bit of a meaningless label. Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, Jain, Sikh (etc) and the deep diversity within all of them. Are they all the same? Some are theistic, o…

I'm not an expert, but I think that Hinduism is morally nihilistic, if you go far enough. Cruelty is just as much a part of what is as non-cruelty. Kali is as much a manifestation of the divine as Vishnu is. And so you get to the point where you cannot say that cruelty is wrong compared to non-cruelty.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#22

Post by markus_zhang »

hahamrfunnyguy wrote: post #8

In 2020, my wife of 12 years left me after returning home from a six-month work assignment. She let me know a few minutes after arriving home from the trip that she would like to split up. While things weren't going great with respect to our relationship, it was still quite a shock for me! I don't know if it's considered a mid-life crisis but it was a very difficult adjustment for me. I had to really think about what…

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad that you tread through and made some positive gains both financially and emotionally. Maybe the split even freed the mind somehow.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#23

Post by justwannasay »

Still going through it but it seems manageable now.

Exercise and meditation didn't work. Exercise almost daily anyways.

Here is my story:

1. Realizing that I m going through midlife crisis and it is a normal thing.

2. Giving into some minor temptations like smoking or drinking too much. Could have spiraled down but had some strict rules like doing it only socially and taking Uber.

3. Changing job, buying a new car, etc

4. Realizing none of above would help unless I go for what I really want, which while not clear but is along the lines of new career, adventures, less responsibility, sell home, move to smaller apartment, move abroad, be a student again.

5. Realizing even if I risk it all and do the above, I may still not be happy.

6. Accepting that my current responsibilities (family) is above me and provide for them.

7. Playing lotto and risky option trades in the hope of making enough to secure my family’s future. (Very small portion, not risking their family's future)

8. Waiting

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#24

Post by ROTMetro »

ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

Don't actually leave. That's just supposed to be an exercise to foster gratitude and get rid of resentments. Don't leave. Talk to old guys who 'toughed it out' or guys like me who failed their families if you even think of doing it.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#25

Post by ultrasounder »

Went through this process exactly the same "mid-life crisis" couple of years ago. The books; The Flow-> Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Psycho-Cybernetics -> Maxwell Maltz both helped me pull through it. In my own specific case, it was a combination of lackluster jobs and our own autistic son's growth issues. I fixed my lackluster jobs by challenging myself by setting a goal. A goal to break into FAANG. I know its not the kind of goal one aspires to achieve and wakes you up from the bed. My REAL goal is FIRE(though I am in early 40s) but getting into FAANG would help accelerate that. Both of those books helped me fundamentally "reprogram " myself and gave me focus and motivation to keep chugging. I wish you the very best.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#26

Post by simple10 »

markus_zhang wrote: post #14
simple10 wrote: post #7

I've been going through it as well. There are a few things that helped me so far. 1) There's a biological component where happiness follows a U curve. Mid 40's tends to bottom out on happiness then steadily increases. Useful to know since riding it out is a viable strategy. [1] 2) This translation [2] of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is powerful as a daily reminder that no matter the year or station in life, the stru…

Thanks! 1) Yeah I'm aware of the U curve. Kind of funny that I throw me a bone from time to time to keep myself having better expectation of future life down the road (Let's see if we can study General Relativity in the future -- Yes I know you are unhappy right now and does not have the will power to do any serious study, but maybe in a few years you will); 2) I have seen the Meditations gets mentioned a few times o…

You're welcome!

Hypnotherapy is probably not what you think. It's more like a type of guided meditation where you're awake but in a very relaxed state. This allows you to tap into parasympathetic nervous system as well as subconscious layers. At no time are you out of control or "under a spell." ;-)

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#27

Post by muzani »

ROTMetro wrote: post #17

Failed my family in midlife, lost them all, lost everything. Here are my thoughts. Find gratitude. Find humility. Give up ego. Shut down that voice that says 'but I deserve....'. You live better than almost all of humanity ever has. The King of France had a guy with a bucket follow him around and he would crap into it in public. You live better than the King of France. Find a way to make that enough, more than enough…

"at some point, you will pick up your child for the last time, then set them down and not in the moment realize that you will never pick them up again"

I pick up my kids all the time because of this. My wife thinks I'm spoiling them, but there's a very limited period of picking them up.

Even the span of time where they're interested in you is limited. They have a fascination with their parents in the first few months, and then they start looking at things, and a few years later, at friends, then the material world. After that, you're happy just to get a call or visit. The new generation complains that homeownership is a distant dream, but I think living with parents may be a blessing in disguise.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#28

Post by markus_zhang »

ultrasounder wrote: post #25

Went through this process exactly the same "mid-life crisis" couple of years ago. The books; The Flow-> Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi Psycho-Cybernetics -> Maxwell Maltz both helped me pull through it. In my own specific case, it was a combination of lackluster jobs and our own autistic son's growth issues. I fixed my lackluster jobs by challenging myself by setting a goal. A goal to break into FAANG. I know its not the ki…

Thanks for the help. I see that you managed to pull yourself from the "swamp" (the crisis feels like being trapped in a swamp). I have read the first one but haven't for the second. I'll purchase, read and see what happens.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#29

Post by markus_zhang »

codpiece wrote: post #15

I found listening to the audiobook version of Viktor Frankel's 'Man's search for meaning' was very helpful. Funnily enough, I have read the book but got more out of the audiobook. I know you don't want to hear more fitness, but weightlifting made a huge impact on my outlook. Try 'Starting Strength'. Getting strong makes all the little aches and pains go away and you hit new, easily-measured goals. Finally, visiting t…

Thanks. I'm actually taking up a bit more exercises. I found that I did feel better in the days that I could muster the energy to do exercises.

The deathbed recommendation intrigues me. I guess there is some volunteer opportunity about this? I'd love to help dying people but I'm not sure if I have the skills.

Re: Ask HN: Activity and reading to move through mid-life crisis?

#30

Post by 50 »

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." (White, The Once and Future King)
Post reply on HN