Ask HN: How to stop being so anxious about job interviews?

My university required that we take a Speech class. So I scheduled it over the summer, so I could get it over with in 4 weeks instead of an entire semester. For the first assignment, we had to read something out loud. It was horrifying. I picked The Hobbit, which I had on the bookshelf, and I read the first page, describing hobbits. I had read it so many times in the past that it flowed pretty smoothly. Got an A. Just about shit my pants.

As I watched everyone else doing it, I noticed that nobody else was paying attention to the speaker. Everyone was nervous about their own speech, so they were studying their own speeches.

I resolved to go first every time.

For the second speech we had to teach the class how to do something. I could juggle, and if I'm juggling, I can't watch anyone else. So I did that. And I got an A. Again, nobody hardly paid any attention to me. Plus, juggling is cool.

For the third speech, we had to describe a quantity about ourselves. And I decided (fortuitously!) to talk about how I had stage-fright. I got up there, and I broke all the rules:

"Hi, um, I'm Jemaclus, and I um... I uh, my quality is that, um, I'm terrif-terrified of, uh, speaking in front of people, and I get sweaty and I uh, I stutter and say um a lot, um... I just did it again. Uhhh, and I shift back and forth..." and I more or less just described everything I was doing in the moment.

I got an A-plus. The teacher wrote on her notes, "Great acting."

And I realized something important that changed the way I thought about speaking in front of people during high-stakes environments -- and this is the lesson that I'd like you to take away from this: nobody is rooting for you to fail.

My teacher wanted me to do a good job, so she projected her desires for me to do a good job onto my performance. I didn't screw up -- I was exaggerating for effect. I wasn't nervous -- I was putting on a performance.

Later, a friend of mine convinced me to audition for a play. I did it mostly because I wanted to impress my friend, but I took my lessons with me. I internalized that the audition managers WANTED me to succeed, I internalized that the other actors weren't paying attention to me, and I put as much of my focus on what I was doing as I could. And it worked. I got cast.

And then I had to face a horrifying realization: I now have to perform in front of HUNDREDS of people per night for weeks.

But we practice and we practiced and we practiced. I memorized my lines, the staging, the choreography. I rehearsed on my own and with the cast. I took feedback from the director.

And on opening night, I walked out there, delivered my lines, and... it felt like a normal rehearsal. Thanks to the lights, I couldn't even see the audience. It was just like a rehearsal with my new friends... and I wasn't nervous.

All that to say, I am now fairly comfortable in these kinds of situations. I have internalized a lot of things, namely that most people _want_ you to do a good job, and the people that don't probably aren't even paying attention.

Consider being a hiring manager: would I rather sit through 100 interviews and not hire anyone, or have a stellar candidate in the first interview and hire them? The latter, of course! I WANT to hire you! If you meet our criteria, I will be THRILLED to make you an offer and not have to interview a single other person! I'm ROOTING for YOU to succeed. Every. Single. Time.

If you take one thing away from this story, it should be this: the people on the other side of the table are rooting for you, and any mistakes you make, any nervousness you have, any anxieties or fear or awkwardness... they will make all kinds of excuses in their heads that match the expectations they have of you. And they are rooting for you.

Practice helps. The advice everyone is giving you is fantastic. Practice practice practice, until doing it in front of other people is no different than doing it in the dark in your room at 3am.

But perhaps more importantly, have faith in yourself and in those interviewing you. We want you to succeed. You want to succeed. And if you don't succeed? Well,... try, try again.

Like many things in life, hiring is a numbers game. Consider no offer to be a practice round, and find another opportunity and try again.

You'll find something soon. Best of luck to you. I've been where you are. It gets better. :)