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Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

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Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#21

Post by mtberatwork »

First off, take a step back and do about 2 - 5 minutes of deep breathing ("Box Breathing" [0] is a popular technique.) Second, know that you are not alone here. You've got a team working on solving the problem and you aren't tackling it all by yourself. You can relax your shoulders a bit. Third, it's OK if the project doesn't get done on time ... no matter what the PHBs are complaining about, it doesn't matter. I've also got 20 years in (plus two major burnouts) and I have never seen a missed deadline be more then a minor setback. It happens all the time.

Now, going forward. Yes, it sounds like you need a break/vacation. Take one! Vacation time is meant to be used. It also sounds like you are juggling too many projects at work. Talk with your bosses and see if you can offload some of these projects or get more people hired. Communicate with them that you and your team are overloaded and it's not good for the organization.

Lastly, dealing with anxiety takes time and there is no shame in getting help from a professional. In the mean time, the NHS has a number of good audio/resources regarding mental well-being [1]. I came across them a long time ago and found them quite helpful. Also, talk with immediate family members or even close friends if you can. We are social, family-oriented creatures after all and need support. Taking care of your physical and mental health is a life-long journey and there are LOTS of techniques and things to do. Some will work for you, some won't ... everyone is different. You might also stumble again and that's completely normal. You will absolutely get through this (and anyone else reading who is in the same boat).

[0] https://www.healthline.com/health/box-breathing [1] https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-...

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#22

Post by dudeofea »

having had a few hundred, I usually characterized mine as having the following timeline:

1. A few seconds of acute fear

2. 10 to 30 minutes of anxiety

3. An hour or two of cooldown before return to normal (initially it just drained all my energy and made me depressed)

I'm a naturally anxious person, but that's okay. here are some things that help in phase 1:

- Spot 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you touch, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste

- Try to think logically about what it is you are anxious about. I had medical anxiety and would convince myself of delusions of having possibly contracted tetanus from a finger prick while restringing my guitar. After some research, the logical conclusion was that tetanus is most commonly found on farmer's fields not metal, presents in deep wounds and has an incubation of 10 days on average, so no point worrying now. It's also curable.

- If all else fails, just remember phase 2 will soon be around the corner

For phase 2, remember that your emotions and your thoughts are most likely at odds. if you can integrate what your emotions feel into what your thoughts think, you may still have panic attacks but they shouldn't ruin your day. This is where the CBT that others mentioned is relevant. I sparsely went to therapy so didn't know this initially. Many times with my panic attacks I felt as though there was a question that needed answering and once I found the answer I would have to write it down because afterwards I felt that the answer no longer mattered enough to remember. This happened many times as I believe I was piecing my life together one anxiety at a time. I think I didn't remember it because it became a part of me.

For phase 3, have some snacks and try to get your energy back.

Another important part of CBT is asking yourself the question: what would I be doing now if I was living a worthwhile life?

and then doing that no matter how much it feels wrong.

EDIT: I rarely go to therapy and am not big on drugs of any kind (even alcohol, tylenol, caffeine). What did help for me which I don't necessarily recommend is a keto diet. I now fast until ~2pm each day and I find I get similar albeit less pronounced benefits.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#24

Post by lightning19 »

Congrats! - this might be a blessing for you just like it was for me.

I had vitamin d deficiency induced anxiety recently. After my first panic attack I was in bad state, won't get into the details but it was by far the worst day of my life. This is how I got through it:

- First ever panic attack (felt like I was going crazy, thought that I couldn't ever work again). Went to doctor and he gave me some pills. This is super important if you're unable to cope with/control your anxiety. Took the pills for 2 days and never had to touch it again.

- After taking the pills I had mental clarity like I've never experienced before. I realized that I must've always had anxiety but just never at this bad.

- Read “The Anxiety Skills Workbook" by STEFAN G. HOFMANN. This got me back to a functioning human being but anxiety was still there.

- Read "Feeling Great" by David Burns. Made more progress, anxiety almost gone.

- Started meditation by watching Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche videos. This has changed my life, the same mental clarity I felt after taking the anxiety pills has returned. My bad habits are going away too.

- I still get anxiety but I can control it now. It's natural for your body to experience. You need to embrace it and not fear it.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#25

Post by tuckerpo »

Deadlines should always be a management problem. Missing deadlines ought to be a signal that there are inefficiencies somewhere - your requirements are unclear, goalposts are a little too fluid, etc.

It's really your job as a lead to objectively report status of things, and it's management's job to listen to what you have to say. It might be helpful to attempt to detach emotion when thinking about the upcoming deadline - instead of "oh shit, will I be fired? will I lose the respect of my peers?" - think more - "what can I personally do to mend this?"

You may come to the conclusion that deadlines are mostly out of your control - and especially, people's reactions to deadlines being missed is 100% out of your control, and should not be taking up any mental real estate. Is it really worth panicking, losing hair, gaining weight, being miserable stressing over the PM getting his 10% bonus for shipping on time?

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#26

Post by 999900000999 »

If you can afford it, it's not a bad idea to take a vacation.

And if you keep seeing unrealistic deadlines at work, just go somewhere else. It's extremely hard to get someone to treat you the right way.

It's much easier to find someone else, and this can go for a manager, friends, partners, etc.

Is this the only job where you have this issue, maybe taking a lower paid role where you're no longer a lead would be better. The idea of being a manager of any sort horrifies me to no end.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#27

Post by pictur »

The best and worst thing about stress is that once you get used to it, it doesn't affect you later. so that's the case for me. I felt so numb. I guess what I should have done was to step aside without so much stress, but I didn't. If you have a chance to step aside, I suggest you consider it. your job is not more important than your life.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#28

Post by pictur »

softwaredoug wrote: post #23

Anger is the antidote to anxiety. Get pissed. It helps you be assertive and protect yourself. Learn the difference, of course, between assertiveness and aggression. https://www.lodestonecenter.com/assertive-vs-aggressive/#:~:... .

I do not find this advice correct. When we do not manage your anxiety, directing you to anger can put you in very bad situations.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#29

Post by DantesKite »

> I've been drinking all kinds of clamming teas, supplements, trying to change my diet, walk more, etc...

One thing that helped me to calm down during a very difficult part of my life (and I'm not saying this will be a complete solution, but a partial one) was massages and isolation baths.

There's something about being physically relaxed that seems to transfer emotionally.

Best of luck.

Re: Ask HN: I just gave myself a panic attack. How do I stop this?

#30

Post by anamax »

Never care more about someone else's project than they do. (A more positive version is "Your job is to do your job, not someone else's job.")

This isn't your project - it's your company's project. It will get done according to the resources that the company has provided, resources which are largely outside your control OR responsibility.

If this project is late and/or crap, that's on them. They own the consequences of their decisions, good or bad, not you.

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