Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
21–30 of 94 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#22if you have to ask...you need to stay the fuck away from other people before you get somebody killed. dont leave your fuking cubicle son of sam
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#23The book Non-violent Communication is a great way to “do no harm” in challenging conversations. As for practicing empathy and compassion I think real world experience is key. Check out anything to do with “authentic relating”. Here’s a group that offers online and in person classes: https://authenticrelating.co/ But empathy and compassion has to be there naturally (which I’m sure it is as it sounds like you’re empath…
I've heard of NVC several times here on HN, and whenever I've looked into it I've come away with the following conclusion:
This seems like something that might work if all involved were using it. But it seems like it would be ineffective and/or annoying to people who are not familiar with it or do not believe in it.
I'd be curious to hear from people who have used NVC techniques with the uninitiated. Are there situations in which it is more likely to work well? Are there tenets from NVC that work universally, regardless of the disposition of the people involved?
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#24How Can I Help? by Ram Dass
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#25The book Non-violent Communication is a great way to “do no harm” in challenging conversations. As for practicing empathy and compassion I think real world experience is key. Check out anything to do with “authentic relating”. Here’s a group that offers online and in person classes: https://authenticrelating.co/ But empathy and compassion has to be there naturally (which I’m sure it is as it sounds like you’re empath…
I've heard of NVC several times here on HN, and whenever I've looked into it I've come away with the following conclusion: This seems like something that might work if all involved were using it. But it seems like it would be ineffective and/or annoying to people who are not familiar with it or do not believe in it. I'd be curious to hear from people who have used NVC techniques with the uninitiated. Are there situat…
As someone in a community where NVC is highly valued, I agree with this. I think there are some standard good principles out there that are non-specific to NVC, but many of the people who study NVC seem to have their equal share of problems those who don't, and those who don't still have their fair share.
There are many "systems" of communication. Another one is the book Crucial Conversations and many online courses. Similar, there are some things that will work everywhere, but a lot that doesn't seem to go so smooth.
There are certain other things that pretty much universally help (listening to another person, for instance). Not being aggressive with your words, keeping yourself calm.
The best luck I've seen is learning a style of communication and then sharing it with those who matter.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#26I'd suggest to visit places outside of your usual circle. It doesn't necessarily has to be India or Vietnam - try to visit local churches if you haven't done so yet, local communities, areas where homeless people live, something like that.
Try to see different people and communities.
I'll risk and say books will not help you develop those qualities but teach you how to look like you have them. It's not the same. To feel it you need to see the world outside of comfortable shell.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#27Buddhism to the Rescue! In particular; you may find the Tibetan Lojong ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lojong ) practices very helpful; 1) Mind Training: The Great Collection translated by Thupten Jinpa. - A large collection of Texts. 2) Essential Mind Training: Tibetan Wisdom for Daily Life translated by Thupten Jinpa - A subset of texts from The Great Collection above. 3) Words of My Perfect Teacher: A Complete Tra…
I agree with this comment! Also, Anger by Thicht Naht Hanh focuses a lot on the concept of compassionate listening.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#28In our current culture some traits are considered positive while others negative. Compassionate - positive, judgemental - negative. I think this is wrong, they are both neutral. And I think trying to maximize one and minimize the other can have detrimental effects on one's quality of life.
Listen to people. When they tell you they don't want to share in most cases you really don't want to know or have anything to do with what they don't want to share. Especially if you have intentions that basically sum up to a savior complex. They have information that you don't and based on that they decided it will not help your relation to get into that. Why not just accept that?
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#29The book Non-violent Communication is a great way to “do no harm” in challenging conversations. As for practicing empathy and compassion I think real world experience is key. Check out anything to do with “authentic relating”. Here’s a group that offers online and in person classes: https://authenticrelating.co/ But empathy and compassion has to be there naturally (which I’m sure it is as it sounds like you’re empath…
I've heard of NVC several times here on HN, and whenever I've looked into it I've come away with the following conclusion: This seems like something that might work if all involved were using it. But it seems like it would be ineffective and/or annoying to people who are not familiar with it or do not believe in it. I'd be curious to hear from people who have used NVC techniques with the uninitiated. Are there situat…
One can practice NVC while the other starts out wanting to fight.
Re: Ask HN: How do I develop skills to comfort people and offer compassion?
#30Really listen to people. Like really, genuinely, listen.
Try to remove (or reserve) all your instincts to judge or evaluate their actions and just focus on listening to people with the premise that their problems, to them, are just as real and important to them as yours are to you.
Remember that essentially all people have a personal narrative where they are the aggrieved hero of the story trying to do the right thing while challenged by outside forces.
Try to listen and understand how and why they feel that way about themselves. They’ll be able to tell.