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Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

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Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#21

Post by coldtea »

leoh wrote: post #8
antman wrote: post #4

You are setting your expectations on marketed social norms which are pretty much meaningless. Who cares if you didn't go to parties? Being mature earlier is a bliss not a curse. Anyway check these out and good luck: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLG1WzYaHQeh6LV3eFcdxR... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdKM8n7mwq0&list=PLG1WzYaHQe...

> You are setting your expectations on marketed social norms which are pretty much meaningless. Maybe OP is trying to say they had a need for freedom and joy, which I do not doubt OP did not experience. Are those needs merely marketed social norms?

Yes, even "freedom and joy" are marketed social norms. Especially in the form mentioned by the OP, and in the modern environment, where the imperative is to "have fun" and be like the people in aspirational ads.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#22

Post by throwawaynay »

thanatos519 wrote: post #2

I think you should do LSD. "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -- George Eliot

Came here to say this. Or another psychedelic like ketamine or shrooms.

Tripping once or twice every 1-3 months had a huge impact on my wellbeing, it completely changed my perspective on a lot of stuff and made me better in a lot of ways.

I was doing LSD pretty regularly before the pandemic and it was honestly the best period of my life, then I'll admit it really went downhill after the lockdowns.

But it can really help assuming that a global catastrophe doesn't get in the way (again).

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#23

Post by mkl95 »

> I also think about dropping out of the PhD program and transitioning to the industry, maybe because I feel like I'll never be appreciated in academia and maybe because I feel like I need a new beginning.

In my years in the industry, I have worked with several people who had finished their PhDs. Their PhD was only useful for one of them in one occasion, when our employer needed someone with a PhD to receive some state grant. Other than that, we solve the same problems with similar degrees of success. The only difference is that they are significantly older.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#24

Post by theodric »

39.5 here: you're young. You might not believe it, but you actually are. Plenty of time to course-correct or even start over. Rather than finding coping mechanisms for the crippling depression of having arrived at an advanced age without accomplishment, go fix what you see as the problem(s) while you're still young enough to benefit maximally from the improvement.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#26

Post by bagacrap »

throwawaynay wrote: post #22
thanatos519 wrote: post #2

I think you should do LSD. "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -- George Eliot

Came here to say this. Or another psychedelic like ketamine or shrooms. Tripping once or twice every 1-3 months had a huge impact on my wellbeing, it completely changed my perspective on a lot of stuff and made me better in a lot of ways. I was doing LSD pretty regularly before the pandemic and it was honestly the best period of my life, then I'll admit it really went downhill after the lockdowns. But it can really h…

how did the pandemic interfere with your lad routine

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#27

Post by syntheweave »

Industry is not a bad idea. But most crucially, the thing you feel is an identity slipping away. Academia has priesthoods, and so does industry. When you fall out of the fold, it can be a hard crash. People who can't find a fit tend towards taking odd jobs or a van down by the river. That's the real thing driving discontent at 30 - "I'm not making it, maybe I'm all washed up." But you are most likely done with priesthoods. Your second act looks different from your first.

Studying something of genuine interest is a crucial first step. It may be apparently trivial, in which case you call it "art". It may be of obvious import, and then it is "philosophy". The thing you study and the thing that brings in money may coincide, and that will make for a contented life for a time. But there will be little public indication that you might be succeeding at the personal journey. You must create your own rubrics and principles of operation.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#28

Post by olegious »

Some may say I "wasted" my 20s- changing majors, dropping out of school, going back, trying 3 different careers, multiple countries. When I turned 30, I was in deep debt (student loans + credit cards), a year or so into my 4th career and a few years into a marriage that I couldn't admit wasn't going to work out. Some of my friends were years into their careers, financially successful, some already had kids, I felt like I was woefully behind and would never catch up.

Fast forward and by my late 30s I'm debt free, make more money that I ever imagined, in a wonderful 2nd marriage, my 4th career turned out to be perfect for me and everything is on track. A lot can change in a few years, if things are not working now, doesn't mean they won't work in the future. Explore, learn about yourself and others, take calculated risks and keep going.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#29

Post by ScottBurson »

ramoz wrote: post #9

I turn 30 in the summer. I feel immense regret for reasons I can’t really explain. I’ve been in the military (I felt like I belonged in the military more than any other place in life), I’ve had great jobs, made a lot of money, own a condo, am as “set” as I possibly could be at current job, have the ability to jump to other jobs. Relationships haven’t been great, but also never really a problem or something I’ve overl…

Freedom comes from within. Sure, external forces can take it away. But even if you're not externally constrained, you can be internally so.

The military, I've heard, tries to instill in you a sense of duty. Perhaps you need to let go of that. Handle your legitimate responsibilities, of course, but don't let other people dump duties on you -- including your parents and others in your past. Get in touch with what you want in life.

Re: Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

#30

Post by arez »

Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both -- Kirkegaard
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