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I have a very good friend who is struggling with mental health as well and his situation started to become worse since Covid-19. As others already commented, please ASAP reach out to a professional. I don't know where you live, but I am very sure such a hotline exists pretty close to you. My friend called such a hotline and he got help and he is better now. I know this is a huge step to take, but reaching out will he…
I was in critical depression post covid. Couldn't work, think, find words. It took some time but it's past now. First huge improvement i had after moving out from old apartment, second unbevilably huge was Kambo cleanse followed by San Pedro and then Pejote. After this one weekend i was happy and feeling healthy.
Sorry if it's a bit of an odd recommendation, but in the next few hours/days, while you wait for your appointment or any other changes you're making, I can recommend reading through "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns MD. It's a book on cognitive behavioural therapy and it helped me tremendously to cope with, and eventually recover from severe depression. I recommend it because it offered some immediate short-term relief just from reading through it once. There are copies lying around on archive.org.
I wish for you to recover!
Some alternatives in no particular order: - exercise can improve your mood and self confidence. Be sure to not compare yourself to those already fit - medication can be helpful. It really depends so you should consult a doctor. - counseling is helpful. It might take a few tries to find someone who clicks though I think it’s important not to compare yourself to others. Focus on yourself and celebrate small wins.
- I already do exercise. Now, not especially, but it has never made a difference for me. A couple of years ago I was in a very good shape and I still had recurrent depression episodes. - I don’t have any specific diagnosis regarding my mental health so I don’t take anything. - Could you elaborate on the counseling thing? You mean like a psychologist? The last point is very good. However, I’m not really “competitive”.…
Along with medications, cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) understanding is very well distributed through therapists these days. I've found it to be very effective for my own depression and anxiety issues, to the point that, for me, medication is not necessary. Even if you go down the medication route, CBT is still a great addition to medication and talk therapy in general.
You also mentioned having "post COVID brain fog", it's good that you recognize that at least part of the issue is external to your own self (though not to your own body and brain). As frustrating as something like that can be it's important to remember that it's temporary. I've discovered that I experience a similar long term brain fog after receiving general anesthesia which led to some exasperation in the past, but with understanding I can at least work through it now after surgeries. I had a surgery last August and basically lost most September-November to my mental recovery, but not as bad as previous surgeries where I didn't understand/know this about myself.
Freelancing marketplaces can get you usable leads—there is junk that can be identified with practice, but there also are respectable customers (at least on Upwork, in my experience). Monitoring opportunities, diving into new subject domains and writing proposals is a different activity compared to just creating software, but it’s possible to switch contexts every now and then.
It could help if there’s someone you know whom you can cooperate with, perhaps on flatshare and/or consulting work, but IME the above can be feasible alone.
I can understand the difficulty of living with parents. In my case the nature of gig work (ups and downs, having to hustle plus the necessity to pay rent), change of scenery, distance from the old social circle of family and school acquaintances were factors that somehow correlated with me gaining the will to keep doing things without always feeling like there’s no point to it.
Life is a series of experiences, you may wake up one day and look back, saying "thank you" to yourself for not ending it then. It's important to know how to "travel through time" and realize that life is combination of good and bad. We need both good and bad in order to be able to perceive good. Also, there is some truth to saying "suicide is a crime against future self".
Prison is a stupid idea, will ruin possibilities in the future, you never want your past to drag you down. But traveling or becoming a monk is definitely a better solution, more interesting than being stuck in one place with a bunch of dudes (I'm assuming you're male). The kind of people who end up in jail is usually naturally not high IQ. If you're using HN, it's very likely you are not going to fit in there, feel even more lonely at very least.
Life is an adventure, it always ends for everybody no matter if you want that or not. Paradoxically, it's one of the reasons to enjoy it.
Being depressed is a symptom, not a cause. I always view it as a good thing. When I get depressed I start changing things in my life, big time. Depression is a result of one's life being a nightmare, and I rather be aware of that than not. Do you know of those people who don't feel any pain? It sounds cool at first, but they burn themselves all the time and cannot feel symptoms of developing diseases (e.g. abdominal pains). So it's good to be depressed, that way you know your life sucks.
I remember when I wanted my life to end, I had no money to eat food, nobody to talk to, no prospects in life. Instead of looking for help and losing the rest of respect I had for myself or going to a shelter, I ended up being homeless. I can tell you that I never felt happier and freer in my life than during that time. Quickly I managed to find a job and slept in the office for 7 months. While being homeless I showered at the gym; that made me work out every morning, sometimes twice a day. I truly felt alive, my life was my own. I looked back at my life a year ago and it really occurred to me how unhappy "normal" lifestyle is, and how shitty people generally are. I promised to build my life around what makes me happpy, not around other people or what's considered "normal" or "good".
Watch Into the Wild, the story of that person inspired me a lot.
Will leave you with two quotes:
"Through every dark night, there's a bright day after that."
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
(That second one I always assumed to be corny and stupid, until learned how much negative impact idiots can make on you in life if you don't cut them off quickly).
You're getting a lot of good advice here, like others I also recommend reaching out to a therapist! Sorry if it's a bit of an odd recommendation, but in the next few hours/days, while you wait for your appointment or any other changes you're making, I can recommend reading through "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns MD. It's a book on cognitive behavioural therapy and it helped me tremendously to cope with, and eventual…
I think that folks who live in a healthcare-wealthy region or are healthcare-wealthy themselves don't understand that a sizable chunk of Americans have neither mental healthcare nor the resources to fund prolonged therapy out of pocket.
And free practical, usable, community mental health does exist - but - again, mostly in healthcare-wealthy regions. In most US counties, residents tend to lack access to reliable public mental healthcare.