Yes, and thanks for asking!
Ask HN: Are you ok?
21–30 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#22As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.
This is great. But the real problem comes when the stress is caused by the team lead!
at least they can do something about it!
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#23No, but I wouldn’t go into more details in a real handle. It’s good to see topics like this show up from time to time; I hope they chip away at the stigma that the US has towards mental and emotional health. For those that struggle, a support network is critical. Lean on & spend time with family, whether that’s blood family or the friends you’ve collected who are that close.
I'm getting closer to OK after breaking that stigma.
I'd been working hard to maintain the appearance of being OK for many years, not even letting my support network know I was struggling...finally came clean with them and they've been nothing but supportive. Towards the end there, a lot of the stress had been just in keeping up appearances, which was stupid!
Also, OP, feedback for your friend who built the site - site scrolling is sticky on Android. I can scroll normally for a couple seconds until some JS loads and pins the menu at the top, then I can't scroll anymore. Suggest you stop messing with the scroll bar.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#24[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#25Yes, doing really well! Managed to do tons of things so far in my life.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#26Not really, I’ve been looking for work for about three months after my team at a FANG was let go due to a legal fuck up by my boss. I’ve been leetcoding but have only passed 3/7 tech screens only to be ghosted for the on-site after a pass or passed up after the on-site. Starting to question if I was ever creative or really good at this profession - but don’t think I’m skilled enough or have the energy to do my own st…
I've seen fairly few companies in the Bay Area (sorry if that's not you, assuming from FANG) that actually care that I've only stuck around most places for a year. I've only been in this field for 5 years myself, but I've climbed this job-hunt mountain before if you want a good pep talk. I've taught people how to get their first job, which is a lot harder imo. Totally up to you, wish you the best either way
I'm not the OP, but I feel I'm in a place where this would be helpful to me, if you are open to that.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#27I'm definitely OK. Compared to most of the world, I'm doing fantastic, and that's a thought that usually keeps me afloat when I'm not feeling so great. My work could be too stressful to manage, or I could get fired, and I'd still be OK because I have my freedoms in a wealthy part of the world and have a support structure that keeps me from hitting rock bottom if i choose to use it.
Things could definitely be better, but I'm working on changing that. It may mean leaving tech almost entirely. It can be a lonely place, plus it's full of arrogance and anal retentiveness and I've never completely fit in with it. (not saying I don't have my own share of arrogance) But I don't feel too bad about it because I don't have a sense of being trapped. I think a lot of people aren't OK because they feel trapped in whatever it is they are doing. I wasn't always a happy person, but I've found that having a mindset of "I can get out of this trap" has helped me in being a more positive person.
I hope all y'all who aren't OK do get OK. :)
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#28Pretty great, but in my experience with a time where I was struggling/my boss was struggling/a coworker was struggling (different times), nobody is ever going to answer this question truthfully and everybody will think you're a threat for asking it.
list of things that in my experience may help if you suspect someone's not right:
* not eating alone
* eating at all, but the above makes it likelier
* when people give feedback that can be difficult, and instead of expecting the person to have an answer or excuse ready, build in time "off" with no f2f
* during difficult meetings or occasions where outbursts are narrowly averted, ask the person their opinion after. feeling listened to helps.
* if the problem is someone is working "too hard", 100% they kind of hate their non-work lives. They may actually also hate work but work is something predictable. Send them to a conference somewhere.
* people who have no friends will usually tell you so in exactly those words in the right circumstances. Believe them, it's a huge (huge!) contributor.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#29Nope. I hate my current job and am trying to pick up some new skills in my spare time so I can switch, but its very hard to come home from my 9-5 and feel motivated to study a new subject. Progress is extremely slow and often feels hopeless. Any time I'm not studying I feel paralyzed by the stress of knowing that I should be doing that instead, and yet I'm so far from being done that I get no reprieve if I actually do sit down and study.
I don't think this is a unique situation, I'm sure a lot of people on this site are in a similar boat. If you're reading this, I hope you find comfort in knowing it's not just you.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#30No. What's it to you?