Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#21

Post by jmedefind » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:27 PM UTC

rossdavidh wrote: post #11

Congratulations! One thing, not as major as some of what other commenters have mentioned but worth knowing, is that you should not feel guilty about buying used clothes/cribs/etc. for your kid. 1) most baby clothes get worn very few times before they're outgrown, so you can get them in good shape at garage sales or thrift shops 2) your baby doesn't care whether it is dressed stylishly or not, it just cares if it's co…

This x 100. We get used clothing from friends and goodwill all the time. They blow through clothing so fast it's not worth buying new.

If you buy a used crib just make sure it's in good shape and hasn't been recalled.

More practical advice: Costco brand diapers and formula are the cheapest we found, but still good quality. Well worth the membership. There are also ways around going to Costco without paying for a membership. You can just google it.

Walmart brand wipes were the cheapest (and not useless) ones we found. We buy them in lots of 1200 at a time for about $20.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#22

Post by altsyset » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:27 PM UTC

pcx wrote: post #7

Congratulations! 1. Get a health insurance for you and your wife if you don’t already have one. That takes care of large unexpected costs. 2. Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. 3. Build savings from today. You should be able to make good savings by the time your baby is born. 4. Not sure what you do. If possible find a way to build long term relationships with your…

Thanks! That is helpful.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#23

Post by charliesharding » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:28 PM UTC

Don't see much mention of it in other comments so for what it's worth.. don't underestimate the importance of being involved in a community. While I would personally suggest a church community, it could be anything as long as you're open to receiving help and giving it to others when you can. Nobody wants to feel like a charity case but anyone who has had kids understands how hard it is and people are often willing to give you a hand with babysitting occasionally or with food/supplies. Good luck and congratulations!

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#24

Post by rubidium » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:29 PM UTC

altsyset wrote: post #19

rossdavidh wrote: post #11

Congratulations! One thing, not as major as some of what other commenters have mentioned but worth knowing, is that you should not feel guilty about buying used clothes/cribs/etc. for your kid. 1) most baby clothes get worn very few times before they're outgrown, so you can get them in good shape at garage sales or thrift shops 2) your baby doesn't care whether it is dressed stylishly or not, it just cares if it's co…

Is it safe though? Like possible skin issues that can easily be transferred?

Give it 1 cycle through the wash and it'll be fine.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#25

Post by AndrewDucker » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:29 PM UTC

On a non-monetary note, here's some advice I gave my brother recently. (My daughter is now 15 months old, and I was thinking about what advice I wish I'd been given before she was born):

1) Remember at all times that no matter how tired you are, your partner is almost certainly much more tired. Basically, give her a free pass for the first few months, if not longer. (The hormonal changes a few days in are no fun either)

2) There is no point comforting a crying baby - they just don't understand what you're trying to do. Distract the fuck out of them instead. (This from a baby psychologist on a BBC documentary.)

3) Babies are their own tutorial. They start off really simple, with about three things to remember, and then once you've got the hang of those things they start adding new ones on. But you don't need to panic about whether you can do it, it's not complicated, just full on.

4) Bonding - do not panic if it takes you six months (or longer) to fall in love with your child. I certainly felt incredibly protective of Sophia from the moment she was born, but I didn't feel fully connected to her until she was able to smile at me, and we could have some kind of interaction. It's really easy to feel awful because all the TV and movies says it happens instantly, but it can take a fair while, so don't worry about it.

5) Ignore any advice you don't like.

https://andrewducker.dreamwidth.org/3746257.html

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#26

Post by jmedefind » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:29 PM UTC

altsyset wrote: post #19

rossdavidh wrote: post #11

Congratulations! One thing, not as major as some of what other commenters have mentioned but worth knowing, is that you should not feel guilty about buying used clothes/cribs/etc. for your kid. 1) most baby clothes get worn very few times before they're outgrown, so you can get them in good shape at garage sales or thrift shops 2) your baby doesn't care whether it is dressed stylishly or not, it just cares if it's co…

Is it safe though? Like possible skin issues that can easily be transferred?

It's fine, we just wash it on high.

Ask your OB about it though if you want a more professional opinion.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#27

Post by yatendra » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:31 PM UTC

Congratulations. Not sure if this will work for you or not but this is what I did -

* Make sure you have a good health insurance plan.

* 529 account - the day my kids were born I started a recurring deposit 100 with some extra deposit on events like tax refund/bonus etc. I want to have enough to support public college tution.

* whatever I have left after mortgage and monthly expenses, I contribute to each of my accounts in specified order, going to next account only when I reach max limit for that account

     - Checking account (limit 2 months of expenses)

     - Online savings account for emergencies (limit 6 months of expenses)

     - Roth IRA for both my wife and me (limit IRS prescribed limit around 6K per year)

     - Retirement accounts (Robo advisors : regular investment account/IRA)

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#28

Post by jmedefind » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:32 PM UTC

altsyset wrote: post #22

pcx wrote: post #7

Congratulations! 1. Get a health insurance for you and your wife if you don’t already have one. That takes care of large unexpected costs. 2. Make a budget for next 2 years. This will show how much money you might actually need. 3. Build savings from today. You should be able to make good savings by the time your baby is born. 4. Not sure what you do. If possible find a way to build long term relationships with your…

Thanks! That is helpful.

Also check what your insurance covers in regard to the child birth. Try to get the plan with the best coverage and least amount of deductibles.

We walked away paying nothing where friends in the same hospital had to pay a few thousand.

You can always change your plan after the kid is born or at the next open enrollment.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#29

Post by cannonedhamster » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:34 PM UTC

Plenty of people with less financial stability than yourself are parents and do just fine. The most important part, more than any other advice is to just show up. A lot of people overestimate what it takes to be a good parent. Be there, be present, and the rest tends to fall into place.

Re: Ask HN: Just found out that I’m gonna be a dad

#30

Post by VBprogrammer » Mon, Aug 12, 2019, 3:36 PM UTC

rossdavidh wrote: post #11

Congratulations! One thing, not as major as some of what other commenters have mentioned but worth knowing, is that you should not feel guilty about buying used clothes/cribs/etc. for your kid. 1) most baby clothes get worn very few times before they're outgrown, so you can get them in good shape at garage sales or thrift shops 2) your baby doesn't care whether it is dressed stylishly or not, it just cares if it's co…

This is a great point. My partner and I have all but stopped buying new stuff. We spent a fair amount on her travel system but it's already becoming obvious that she's out-growing most of it at 6 months.

My way of rationalising it is whether she'd rather have us spend all we could on having the best of baby gear now, or whether she'd rather have it in a savings account when she is looking to buy her first house, go to university etc.