Ask HN: I'm a New Manager – How to Best Handle Employee Grievance?

In California it would not be illegal so long as all parties were warned they were being recorded, but what he describes is illegal unless they are in a one party consent state.

> (a) A person who, intentionally and without the consent of all parties to a confidential communication, uses an electronic amplifying or recording device to eavesdrop upon or record the confidential communication, whether the communication is carried on among the parties in the presence of one another or by means of a telegraph, telephone, or other device, except a radio, shall be punished...

(b) For the purposes of this section, “person” means an individual, business association, partnership, corporation, limited liability company, or other legal entity, and an individual acting or purporting to act for or on behalf of any government or subdivision thereof, whether federal, state, or local, but excludes an individual known by all parties to a confidential communication to be overhearing or recording the communication.

https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/codes_displaySectio...

It depends the context in which you cursed. As a curser (and manager), it's taken much worse in certain circumstances. I.e. "This fucking code" versus "I don't give a fuck what you have to say" or such, in the latter is more aggressive and directed.

An environment where cursing is a fireable offense is an environment I'd avoid, because there are limits to the demands of hypersensitive people.

Cursing aside, my worry is your hostile environment criticism might have a wider cause than a single word. Try to work on building positive relationships with as many people as possible. Smalltalk, interest in them and help in the context of the company are things to aim to build.

> I dont want a hostile workplace environment on my end where I have to keep looking over my shoulder either.

But you don't care about creating a hostile workplace? At no point have you addressed what you have created.

In my opinion you should not curse as a manager in a serious meeting.

For eg: "The quality of this code can be improved" vs "This fucking code has to be corrected" or

very simple statements like:

"what is this"? vs "what the fuck is this"

The tone by adding one curse word changes from inquisitive to condescending and intimidating.

So never use curse words for serious things.

However, after a certain period of time when you're familiar with the environment and people you may joke and curse while having a casual chit-chat.

As for the problem now, as this is a small company have an informal meeting and sort this out and apologize if needed(use humor if you're good at it to make all this less uncomfortable)!

So true, I've met all of them during my decade of work! But I've had one instance when the project manager was the snowflake.

The manager needed constant validation, and when he didn't get it he became angry. Last time, half the team just left within a year. What I've gathered is that more often than not, they are micro managers with some kind of broken confidence (bad divorce, bad education or bad health can all take its toll on it). "If people just listened to me..." is their motto, no matter who they talk to or what subject. When other teams down-prioritised our team because they didn't want to work with him it was shit flinging time!

I'm starting to get better at sensing if people just want to win a discussion or want to learn & teach. But I wished I learnt it sooner.