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Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

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Re: Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

#21

Post by Zanni »

danieltillett wrote: post #14

I am by nature not the most charming person in the world, but with effort I can be extremely charming and even charismatic. The approach I use is to really listen to people talking and work out what they are trying to say and mirror it back to them in a more eloquent manner. The result is they think the two of us have totally "clicked". I rarely use this approach as it is mentally very taxing and I don't need to char…

Ah, this is brilliant. Your point about mirroring is obvious in retrospect but it's not something I do naturally. In fact, the more I hope to make an impression on someone, the less likely I am to do it. (I'm cycling through some embarrassing memories right now.)

I love the idea of repeating back to someone what they have said in a more eloquent manner. That's a specific, actionable strategy (more so than "listening") that's enough of a game that my introverted self could probably put it into practice.

Re: Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

#23

Post by jotato »

hoodwink wrote: post #16

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox-Cabane is pretty solid, but actually implementing the concepts in practice versus simply understanding them in theory is always the hard part. I used a combination of Anki flashcards and Readwise [0] to decent success. I also worked with an incredible communication coach in SF. The Charisma Myth, FYI, is that you’re naturally born with charisma. The reality is that charisma can be nurt…

Another vote for the Charisma Myth. If you want the cliff notes I found her talk on Standford's podcast to be a great summary https://ecorner.stanford.edu/podcast/build-your-personal-cha...

Re: Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

#25

Post by csnewb »

You can't learn this in a book. You need to put yourself out there (in social settings) and learn through trial and effort. Much like reading books about weight lifting won't make your body grow muscle, you need to actually get inside a gym and put in the work.

Re: Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

#27

Post by hoodwink »

neduma wrote: post #19
hoodwink wrote: post #16

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox-Cabane is pretty solid, but actually implementing the concepts in practice versus simply understanding them in theory is always the hard part. I used a combination of Anki flashcards and Readwise [0] to decent success. I also worked with an incredible communication coach in SF. The Charisma Myth, FYI, is that you’re naturally born with charisma. The reality is that charisma can be nurt…

> I also worked with an incredible communication coach in SF reference?

Fonta Hadley (Eloquence Studios)

Re: Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

#28

Post by darrelld »

1/ Get a full night's sleep so you'll be at your most alert and aware.

2/ Have strong opinions that are loosely held but be open to having your mind changed

3/ Listen. No, really listen. Shut up, stop just waiting to respond to what someone said and listen to them as if you made the first contact with an alien species that was giving you the keys to the universe. Don't interrupt, don't rush to spout out an answer. Don't let your mind wander

4/ Make solid eye contact.

5/ Smile as much as you can. Note: Don't force a fake smile if you're not feeling it.

6/ Don't be overly negative or critical. Don't be an asshole.

7/ Give honest and genuine compliments.

Also, I have a specific playlist of music that gets me in an active mood that I listen to before any social events, speaking to a group or going out on dates. It's made a world of a difference for me.

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