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High school was an oppressive environment.
So it's not the experience itself, it's what you get out of it as years tick by, and perspective can help. Real stories are subtle, with a lot of ways to retell them differently.
"Carefree" high school life is not innocuous - or rather, like a toddler who breaks their toys, it's innocuous right up until it isn't, and the friendships are only lasting in some cases. As a lifelong thing, what will help the most is bringing a balanced skillset and mindset to the scenarios you find yourself in. But the skills and attitudes you get from full engagement in high school life are also some of the most common ones you will encounter among people of your generation, and they are relatively undirected. It can feel good in the moment without doing anything to help you down the line, because doing the most common thing puts you up against a lot of competition.
So, "normal" can just mean setting yourself up for a completely different set of regrets. It's something that young people cling to desperately in their adolescent years by way of setting a baseline, but there are a lot of good reasons to grow away from it and focus on life more pragmatically as an unending series of opportunities and threats.
College life is more illustrative of the different paths you could take, because there's more specialization, more extremes of behavior. Some college kids break down moments after getting there because they discover they are, in fact, extremely underprepared for life away from their parents. Others can really thrive and define themselves.
Close friendships come with time, make the time for that friend and do things together even if it's dumb. You're not there to impress them or vice versa but just the best of them and the best of you sometimes meet up and show the other person that there is something admirable, in morals and values or skills like your programming. You have something to share and time is the most valuable. So make some time with the people you want to be close to.
As other people will probably tell you, I hated HS. For technical people it seems to be a common thread: stories of the type "I was miserable until I went to Uni, when I found out there's other people who like talking about the Linux kernel" are everywhere. So I will risk it and say "yes, it's normal to be solitary in HS if you're a technical person, but College is often better". As far as hobbies go, it's more about…
>when I found out there's other people who like talking about the Linux kernel I went to an engineering school with a sizable CS/ECE program but I never found people like this. My advice to OP is - go to a university that does have people like this.
Sorry, but that's an unactionable advice. You really can't tell what your classmates interests will be before the uni starts generally.
Go to the best college you can is a better one.
Once you build this map, you can begin to monitor and track how external factors drive you. Memes, TV, movies, music, conversation... all signals designed to persuade and hijack your behavior. Spending time here will give you much needed clarity of self and begin laying the foundation of empathy for others.
Friends appear once you have this map as you will have unintentionally filtered out those who will exploit the unexplored regions of you.
Good luck.
High school performance is not an indication of real life performance. I graduated class rank 380 out of 386 because my personal goal was to see just how close I could cut it without missing the mark. That means I was at that time a risk seeking personality. I also hated high school, because my high school is one of the top high schools in the country and is certainly not a reflection of reality. I was happier isolating myself from the competition politics parents imposed on their children and I achieved that isolation with far too great of success. I still got into college just fine and now I make more money than many of my teenage childrens' friends' parents. This is solely because I pursue my personal interests far more aggressively than most people.
Many years ago when I was at Travelocity I was a young senior developer. Somebody I graduated high school with (top ten class rank) came in as a junior vice president. Her education and life goals were centered around management, but she had no product or technical goals. She left the company before I did and is doing very well. It took me later in life to discover my personal goals and I have been less successful as a result. I suspect there is greater demand for me in the marketplace and I likely have greater job security and her though.
You are still a child. Your brain has not fully formed and so you lack the observational and emotional stability that comes with being an adult. That said remain calm and don't anything too seriously. Focus on learning all things from academics, inter-personal relationships, technical things, human behavior, and so forth. Don't confuse who you are with who you want to be. Be yourself and do it well.
Use your time in high school to prepare the personal behaviors that will carry you through the rest of life. Consider things like self-reflection, work ethic, a lust for learning, written communications, and so forth. Discover your interests and personal passions and have the courage to share your interests with others.
Set personal goals. Its ok if you don't achieve your personal goals at that age, because your interests are subject to change. Goals give you something to work towards and what is important is that you are working towards something intentional with great focus. If you do quit your goal prematurely do so deliberately with a great reason that you can speak to out loud.
You never get your time back. Don't waste your time on frivolous things. Any activity that contributes to some degree of self-improvement, listening/communication skills, or social behavior is important.
Fun is what you make of things. It is a matter of perspective. Beware of people trying to define this for you.
While we have some ideals, e.g. as portrayed by pop-culture, it does not mean that you would even enjoy living this ideal. Your life will be what you desire it to be, if you are able to make your own decisions.
As someone that flip-flopped between solitary and social phases in his life (and not only marginally), my only advice would be: whatever you feel like, just try to enjoy it the best you can.
Life is incredibly short and it is all yours and you will be the ultimate judge.
Regarding friendships: Especially at your age, friendships can be very intense and meaningful, and yet so frail and meaningless in retrospect. Again, all that matters is how you perceive and enjoy it, and that's the point: deep down, everyone just wants to enjoy themselves. Try to enjoy yourself, and while doing that, don't hesitate to bond with people that support this feeling and ideally have similar interests. And take an open look at what they offer on alternative views and interests.
And don't sweat it, if most bonds are very shallow and superficial, these will always be the majority (through all your life), and that's OK. And things might change incredibly fast anyway, especially in high school.
Also friendships bloody well can be forced (or nudged, anyway). All friendships start between two people who aren't exactly friends.
"Hey, do you want to X later?" "Yeah sure"
Then you try X, and if you enjoy X, you do Y together later, and eventually you're friends. Whereas if you don't, you drift off and meet other people.
As far as I can tell, (forming) friendship is just:
1. Repeat interaction
2. With people you like
The group helps make it natural. But friendships also form when one person is outgoing enough to say "hey wanna hangout?"
Maybe you've done that and it didn't work. I was just skeptical when I read the phrases "friendships have to develop naturally" and "I have never made a close, loyal friendship". Empirically, you have no evidence of how friendships have to form - you've never formed one :) I find the "natural" language is often an excuse used by people to avoid taking the outgoing actions necessary to nudge a relationship forward. (This applies to dating relationships too - someone always takes iniative of some sort)
Also if people aren't warming to you, then dressing well and being fit help. And if you're a man, being strong helps immensely. This might sound silly and superficial but it's how things work. People respond more warmly to people they find attractive and/or not embarrasing to be with (within genders too). And when people are warm to you, you act more warmly to them. This catalyzes friendships. Simple as that. This could partly explain why you can talk but it leads nowhere.
You don't need to go too deep into style. Just....make sure your clothes fit you. Poor fitting clothes affects many an introverted high schooler.
Anyway, no it's not normal to have no friends. Introverts generally end up with some close friends they interact with one on one. This is normal and healthy and allows for a lot of solitude. But being totally alone isnt so good. And some of the best friendships form in high school/college, so it's good to work on the skill now.
(The group advice is good advice to finding these individual friendships. A loose group lets you sift through and find closer friends)
Also, since things aren't coming naturally, "how to win friends and influence people" is a really good guide to doing just that. People who are good with people intuitively do the stuff in the book.
Also, that's good insight on your part after watching the anime. I only had the same insight in third year college, I wish I had had it sooner. I do have close friends now, it's nice.
Btw, as far as afraid of ending high school goes: don't be. You're only 17. It's good to enjoy high school. But, it you start working on this an figure it out by 19....you're still really young! Most young people are sortint themselves out in one way or another. You're not "missing" anythint while you do that: you're just gettint yourself ready for life. Most nerds were bad at high school, have poor memories of it, and are fond of college instead. The carefree high school kids with fond memories were usually either popular or those who didn't go on to university.
That doesn't mean don't work at it. Do work at it. Just, the goal is to be able to make friends, at some point in the near future. If you miss the high school window, you should be fine as long as you're improving.
You may also like these Paul Graham essays:
http://www.paulgraham.com/hs.html
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html
(Your high school problem may simply be that people at your high school aren't interested in your interests. See Paul's comments on his high school chess club. Note also that he weight lifted, and his social life improved after he became good at soccer and started a scandalous neespaper. Both are things that improve social status: http://www.paulgraham.com/gateway.html?viewfullsite=1)