I've skipped off of the surface of mid-life crisis for a few years, wondering often how to find meaning in life. The only advice I have is to seek happiness from within, whatever that means for you. You're unlikely to 'turn the corner' seeking external fulfillment. For me, I have to make/create things in order to be happy. That can be hard to fit into life, but now that I've figured out that I need it, I try to build time into my schedule.
Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
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Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#22That you're seeking contentment over happiness says to me that you're wise - and without knowing your particular details, I would generally recommend starting a family.
For me, seeing my children grown in love provides me with the most contentment I've ever had.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#23Focus on gratitude.
Write a list of what you are thankful for.
Repeat often - at least weekly, best daily.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#24As others have stated, the biggest thing is to stop beating yourself up - stop calling yourself damaged. Also, you need to start exercising - it is the only thing for me personally that will keep "the darkness" at bay. The research and neurobiology behind exercise being an effective modulator of mood is all solid. Further, I recommend you listen to Jocko Podcast [1] - by Jocko Willink, a retired Navy SEAL commander,…
Everything else sounds good, but McCain is not what he seems:
http://www.unz.com/runz/american-pravda-when-tokyo-rose-ran-...
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#25you had it too good when young so much so you don't appreciate your current life. you're a technical consultant. much better than a code monkey. you should be proud. but when you came from manager and events speaker, that kind of changes things.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#26Life is relationships. Put most of your work into those and your mood should improve.
I've found meaningful work to be far more beneficial to my mood. I don't control what other people do and many a times their illogical decisions and the ensuing drama are not a pleasant experience.
Find better people? I know it's easier said than done.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#27It's hard to get good advice about something like this over the internet. Consider talking to a capable therapist or life coach or the like.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#28It sounds like you are doing what all of have to. I am just over 40, and I have had a similar set of experiences. Getting back on the horse is the cure. Try going out on a date. My brother, a few years older, had it worse than I did in some ways, and is just starting to date again and it took him a while but he's happy he's met someone similar to him in life now.
Compare this with a friend who (late 30s) complains about being lonely but won't ask a woman out that he likes. It hits a point where you need to just dive in and face everything. But, by the way you wrote your post here, it seems like you are doing that. Keep going, you won't feel better until you make a breakthrough, but you won't make a breakthrough if you give up.
Just trust that steady forward progress makes results. I hope you do well. I think many of us techies had rousing younger years and some have a harder time adjusting to slowing down or changing our perspective when life slows down around us.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#29full time engine mechanic here. ASE certified and everything...ive been doing it for 15 years. Some days are worse than others, like when im coming back from a 3 day weekend full of cadillac margaritas and over-grilled burgers...but nothing like what you describe.
When I think 'mentally damaged' im picturing someone who sticks their hand in a running engine to 'feel if the belts are moving ok.' You're doing pretty good from what I can tell, but ever since I started checking out HN ive seen quite a few people in tech that feel the same way you do.
Is it offices that do this? nobody I know in my office ever seems really happy in the morning. seems like sitting around all day staring at a computer might start to eat away at a mans soul.
If money isnt an issue, I'd suggest spending time learning a trade as a hobby or maybe more. maybe pick up a shift changing oil at a local shop, and see how that grabs you. Im not saying its the easiest thing in the world, but the job is pretty social and even though your shoulders and arms ache after the first day, you never feel like you arent doing something useful.
Re: Ask HN: I'm 40 this year, and have depression. Any words of wisdom?
#30People don't put the same meaning behind "mentally damaged". Some people are really mentally damaged. You don't sound mentally damaged to me.
He said he has anhedonia.