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Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

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Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#21
post #7

Try doing the vertical arrow technique by David burns (google it) to see if it helps. Basically sometimes the thing you're worrying about isn't actually the thing that is the core of your worry and this technique helps a lot with that. For example if you're worrying about going out ask what does it really mean.. you'll come up with something like "the other person may not like me" again what does it mean "I'm a total…

YouTube has videos on the downward arrow technique [1], not sure if it's the same.

I originally heard/read something similar, of all places, from Dr Phil in the late 90s. IIRC, he spoke of a middle-aged man wanting a red sports car and why he might want that sports car. Let's imagine it's cause he wants to feel young again. Why does he want to feel young again and what are all the other ways he could achieve that? And what if he wanted to feel young again because that's when he felt the most freedom? So, he wants freedom, not to be young, and not the red sports car. What are all the ways he could regain that feeling? And so on, and so forth, until one thinks they've gone down deep enough.

1 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3hMmZQAdhw (9 min)

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#22
Meditation can help you get meta on the process so that you can watch yourself getting worried and recognize it as something that is of the mind. As you start to see the patterns on how worry develops in your mind, you can start to choose your response. Once you can choose your response, you can decide if you want to take action or if you want to let them go.

Once you are outside of the worry spiral and see it for what it is, you may find that not only do you not have to worry about these hypothetical situations, but that there is nothing at all to worry about in this single iteration that you're taking through the simulation.

EDIT: Highly recommend Transcendental Meditation. Here is some info on their anxiety results: https://www.tm.org/reduced-stress-and-anxiety

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#23

What are you protecting if you're spending all your time protecting it? What are you really scared of? Sometimes we're using our worries as deflections of a bigger problem or lack we feel in ourselves. Sometimes we think happiness only comes in the way we know and we gotta protect it. But does it really matter in the end? If you don't fear death (and not invite it either), what could haunt you?

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#25
This was me several years ago. I did a couple small things that changed my life in a big way. See a psychiatrist to talk through your problems. It may help you identify why you worry so much.

When you feel the worries coming on, make a conscious effort to calm yourself; and be nicer to yourself. You are awesome. You are great at handling any issue. Repeat it over and over and over. Take care of yourself.

Make an effort to be more mindful. Stop and smell the roses every once in a while :)

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#26
post #5

You've got a couple options, both of which involve seeing someone to help. First, consider a psychiatrist for some anxiety medication. Mine put me on gabapentin, which is mild, but yours may recommend something different. That takes the edge off. It does help. Second, find a cognitive behavioral therapist in your area! If you don't know where to start, try psychologytoday.com -- they have listings. Look for someone w…

This is the exact path I took, completely changed my life! It's not an easy or fast process but it's worthwhile and can yield significant results.

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#27
How is your sleep? You'll find an active literature on how anxiety affects sleep, but less so on how lack of sleep makes anxiety much worse.

https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/sle...

The starting point for you might be improving your sleep habits first.

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#28
There's no easy answer, but let me share how I function and deal with stress.

1. Remember, you worry because you /can't/ absolutely control the situation; sometimes you can influence it. 2. In the grand scheme of things, anything you produce good/bad will eventually be forgotten; sooner than you think. 3. Embrace failure and mistakes. They will happen and the only thing you can control, is how you react and deal with them. 4. When something starts to deeply stress you out, take a moment and say to yourself "Fuck it, let me move on right now and come back to this later. 5. Let me repeat this one item again...

You can only control how you think and how you react. Focus on what you can control and let what you can't control do its thing.

Learn to take your mind off of things once in a while. That's why a lot of founders try to use the weekend as a moment to forget about work.. or at least try to :)

Stay mentally positive, stay up beat and remember life is short. So in the time being enjoy it! If you really feel helpless, that's your mind telling you to "Go change yourself!" its not "Go give up" we always misread that emotion.

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#29

For a period of a few months a couple years back, I was extremely worried about my house being broken into while I was asleep. Eventually it got bad enough to effect be seriously effecting my sleep. I would stay up late worried about it until I basically couldn't stay up anymore. One of the things that helped me the most was sitting down and thinking, if I was going to break into someone's house, would I choose this…

That's actually close to what CBT is. You start asking yourself how likely the worse case scenarios you worry about are and what the more likely results are.

Re: Ask HN: How to stop worrying and start enjoying?

#30
I recommend you read, or if speech is your thing, get the audio book of The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

It's basically written to help people "solve" this problem that you describe.

Another book that is far less articulate, but still worth a read, is F*ck It, by John C. Parkin.

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