If you want to meet lots of new people and mostly techy/nerdy ones, go learn some partner dancing. You may be thinking it's not for introverts, or people without skills, but you'd be wrong. (I was both when I started) As long as you enjoy some danceable music, and live in a city, you can probably find a place to learn. You'll end up going to some evening events very shortly and talking to lots of random people in a friendly atmosphere. Close contact with people did change my introvert mind quite a bit as well.
Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
21–30 of 110 posts
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#22Earlier quoted context omitted.
I agree and I am skeptical on college front as well, hence seeking advice on how it turned out for others who might have wandered on similar trajectories in life. It's just that due to various financial constraints and a myopic view of world, I never really considered research as a career. But now as I have become more aware of how world works, i find that to be a bad move in me 20s. I like learning, problem-solving…
I have many friends who took the academic route. They drink more, not in a good way. Experiences vary but I've observed sad people who do not enjoy writing grants and do not get to do the research they always wanted despite going to elite universities for their PhD's. Adulthood kind of sucks - everywhere.
:) Always suspected that the British tv got the grim reality right rather than the hopeful American ones I have watched more often.
But on a serious note, thanks for sharing this. I sort of had forgotten about this part while my mind was painting a more rosy picture of that career option.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#23Concerning "Be happy".
The easiest way to be happy is to be "present". "Be here now" as the saying goes. Recognize that in this present moment, everything is fine. You are experiencing the incredible miracle of being alive, of having awareness. Relish it. Appreciate it. It's fleeting and then perhaps gone forever (who knows?).
Neurotic thoughts of fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction, embarrassment and whatever else are firstly thoughts, and secondly projections into the future or recreations of the past.
The future and the past don't exist except as concepts. What exists is only the present. When the future "happens" (so to speak), it's in the present that it happens.
To be fully present means to not project or recreate, but to simply observe what is, without attachment to any emotion or thought.
In the previous sentence is an implied contradiction which needs to be resolved. To be happy, you have to give up attachment to any outcome (i.e. wanting to be happy).
Meditation is the best way I know how to learn how to detach from your thoughts and emotions and to be fully aware and present in the current moment.
I'm not always happy, but compared to 10-12 years ago, I'm incredibly happy. Meditation, being present, letting go of negative thought patterns (by simply observing them and not attaching to them and thereby loosening their grip) have contributed a great deal to that.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#24To answer original question, the things that make ME happy. Which might be pretty different from you even if we are both nerdy introverts: - My dogs - Laughing at my favorite youtubers' new videos - Reading (at home, at coffee shops, at work) - My loved ones - Helping others - Becoming a better person - Writing Response to body text: - Things that you enjoy such as hobbies change over time, but with some effort you c…
I think part from the dog, the lists overlap fairly well more or less. I don't own a dog, but like playing with them whenever i get the chance. Also loved ones are fewer than I would have liked. Trying to help out enough people and yes it does help a lot, but also takes up a lot of time. There's always a tradeoff I guess. :)
While your last response statement is quite on point with what i feel i should do as well, but it's quite difficult to execute unfortunately. Have tried delegation, but the results have been not upto the mark and personal ego has taken a hit as a result quite often :|
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#25I know "introvert" is an important part of many people's identity, so I don't want to bash that, but this article[0] and some long talks with someone who didn't believe that "introvert" was a thing definitely increased my overall happiness. TL;DR most people think of introvert/extrovert on one dimension, but in fact some people are both (happy alone, happy in groups) and others are neither (unhappy alone, unhappy in…
I understand from where you are coming from. But the very point that it takes a lot of effort to be "extrovertable" is an issue. I have tried this and on the weekends where i "extroverted" myself, I feel pretty exhausted by Sunday night and dread the Monday mornings. Perhaps, I might lie in that "unhappy everywhere" group... but I think I was pretty happy in college around the bunch of other like-minded friends. It's…
Yeah the fact that society values the extroversion skill more, even to the point where alcohol abusers are "cooler" than people sitting alone working for years on end to solve society's problems, is pretty shitty.
Anyway, it's a topic that interests me a lot, so feel free to connect (twitter, email in my profile) if you want to chat about it.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#26I figure my experience is relevant here. I graduated college in 2014 with a degree in finance and went straight to work in the machine that is corporate America. I had a "good" job and life was fairly easy. However, after a year or so I eventually became bored with that lifestyle.
I've always been a self-learner with a desire for knowledge and a challenge. I started looking around to go back to uni, this time something STEM related. I figured why not study abroad as I like to travel and the price to go to uni overseas was much more attractive. I saved enough money while working to allow me to go back to uni comfortably.
I chose to study physics in Germany, and by far it has been the best decision I've ever made. I'm about 1/2 done with my studies now and I'm quite pleased. We take one experimental physics, one theoretical physics, and one math class per semester along with an elective. I'm learning some of the most fascinating stuff, math and physics are truly beautiful.
If you have any desire at all to learn math/physics, then I highly recommend going back to uni to do so. The best part about doing it today though is that there are endless resources online to teach yourself outside of the class (or even just for fun if you don't want to go back to uni). MIT has their OCW program which puts excellent lectures and materials out there for all to access (I've used their resources quite a bit, thanks MIT!). There's also tons of other stuff out there like Khan Academy, Susskind's lectures on YouTube, etc. that really make it easy to learn from the comfort of your home.
TL;DR: If you want to go study physics, go study physics.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#27> Damn difficult to meet genuine folks after college (Would love any suggestions on where to find them... Definitely not facebook :/ ) This may not be very popular advice around these parts, but it works. Go to the local pub, have a few beers and talk to people. Cultivate an interest in televised sports or whatever else people like to talk about (can't stay I've ever been a huge sports fan, but like a lot of things,…
Honestly, I have absolutely no interest in feigning interest in televised sports to make friends, and luckily this is definitely not necessary.
Here in Europe I quickly tell people I don't watch football and don't care about the teams or match results.
If that's a deal breaker for someone, then they're not friendship material.
Instead of going to the pub, I'd rather recommend hobbies that you can share with people. I've made good friends via martial arts, guitar lessons, shared oriental drumming lessons, tech meetups, FLOSS sprints, conferences etc.
Note, all these things (including going to the pub) require you to get out of your comfort zone and into the "real world". Such is life.
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#28Concerning "Be happy". The easiest way to be happy is to be "present". "Be here now" as the saying goes. Recognize that in this present moment, everything is fine. You are experiencing the incredible miracle of being alive, of having awareness. Relish it. Appreciate it. It's fleeting and then perhaps gone forever (who knows?). Neurotic thoughts of fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction, embarrassment and whatever else are fi…
Ok, let me rephrase. With enough experiences I have become cognizant of the fact that I don't always have to be in "happy" mode. In fact just like any piece of harmony, I appreciate all the high notes and low notes life throws at me now with more or less similar outlook.
What I am looking for though is being more content with what I am doing with the time I have here in this lifetime. I believe there could be much better ways of progressing through life than what I am doing right now, hence seeking advice to better refine that pursuit towards perhaps a few more high notes than low notes in life :)
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#29I started playing tennis and I loved it. It's non-contact, you have to be thinking all the time and it's outside (often in the sun). I am happy when I play (or even watch) tennis.
Then (warning, plug ahead) I started a D3.js project (to keep skills fresh) to visualize data about tennis strings and rackets[1] to understand them better, ...
... which devolved in keeping my rackets/strings on that same app, which later open to others ...
... which devolved in starting a flex tennis league in my region (SF Bay Area)[2], ...
... which devolved into starting a small business to automate tedious and time consuming tasks at small racket-sport shops (and maybe others in the future)[3].
I'm so happy with projects that get a life of their own!
Watching comedy and writing comedy also makes me happy.
[1] https://www.racketlogger.com/racket-explorer [2] https://www.racketlogger.com/leagues [3] https://shops.racketlogger.com/
Re: Ask HN: As an adult introvertish nerd what makes you happy?
#30Even as an introvert it's always people.
After college, before getting married my (now) wife and I had the same problem - but we noticed it wasn't just us: everyone we knew felt lonely. We decided to start getting together with all our friends and acquaintances almost every night after work. We hosted or set it up for about two weeks before it took on a life of its own and we didn't have to be present for each night; our acquaintances (at that point friends because of the magic of "spending time together") started setting stuff up on their own. It lasted for about a year or two, where you could pretty much always count on someone to be around who you'd want to hang with.
Keep in mind that I'm mildly introverted, but my wife is much moreso - and both of us enjoyed this immensely.
You're an introvert, so you probably are intimidated by meeting a large crowd of people you don't know. I know I am. Meetups are hard. Joining a group for an activity is hard. The nice thing about asking the friends/acquaintances you do have (however distant) if they want to make dinner at 5, join you for a drink at 6, or play this new game you got is that you've skipped the hard part about meetups by only meeting people you already know.
Just a reminder introversion is not anti-social.