reinvest in your relationships with friends and family. they may have been neglected during your relationship.
Ask HN: How to be alone?
191–200 of 592 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#192> But I'm finding it hard to actually do any of that.
Based on experience of someone in my family, I ask: are you and your doctor sure that the mood stabilizers themselves aren’t making that hard?
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#193Damn this thread is a gold mine. Wishing you the best. My advice is to prioritize health and exercise and spend time outside somewhere you can run into new interesting people. build a circle
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#194Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Meds can work wonders, AND you can still be depressed. Medicine resolve biological depression. It doesn't resolve situational depression. It's not quite that simple. You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked. The reality is much more nuanced and complicated.
> You seem to be hinting at the "chemical imbalance" theory of antidepressants, which has been largely debunked Can you say more?
The "serotonin hypothesis" is largely unfounded. We don't actually know why SSRIs are effective for some people. It's likely more to do with increased neuroplasticity than a shortage of serotonin in the brain.
This is a good study to start with: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35854107/
> The main areas of serotonin research provide no consistent evidence of there being an association between serotonin and depression, and no support for the hypothesis that depression is caused by lowered serotonin activity or concentrations.
Prescribing antidepressants is a shot in the dark. Doctors can't know for sure if you'll respond to them, especially because we don't even really understand how they work.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#195Being alone is painful, this is not a bug, it's a feature.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#196One thing I do is make friends with people who have dogs that get along with my dog on walks. We've seen movies, gotten food out together, etc. Or just intentionally walk around the same time to chat.
Also, hobbies. Try to find something you can be interested in that has meetups.
Could be sports, cars, books, quilting, chess. I've heard of photography groups that do photo walks or group editing hangouts at coffee shops.
On the other hand, it's also ok to be on your own sometimes. I love catching a movie at a theater on my own. Sometimes I'll go to the park without my dog just so I can relax at a bench or have a nice walk at my own pace.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#197> no one on HN cares whether I fixed up the blinds or cooked pork steaks
lies
where do you post your home DIY and grill updates?
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#198Leaning into vs. trying to kill the boredom/loneliness/emptiness is a strategy. Because this is how it is now. You will only ever get so much love from your cat.
I don't know you and all I know is what you've written here, but it seems like this new situation has unmasked your life and aspects of your personality and the truth is uncomfortable. This is who you were before as well, it's just more obvious now that you don't have the relationship you had.
How it is and who you are: these are the premises of the situation. Now given this, where do you go from here? You decide. The premises are just the start, the conclusion is something else and you're driving the car 100% now.
It sounds like you have the right idea, and this worked in my case. Find what sucks and work to make it not suck and don't expect results overnight. Persist, adapt, overcome.
I sincerely hope the best and that things improve for you.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#199Ask yourself "Would I like to be friend with ". Then invest in things you do not like. Smile. Go to gym. Be friendly with people, but not creepy. Help people. Be good family member and friend. Get yourself good clothes. Find interesting hobby. Cook. Pay whole bill when you go outside occasionally. Do it for yourself, not for others. When you become best version of self, people will start notice you more and more.
I have seen this perspective a lot and I don't understand it at all. When I meet a stranger, I don't wonder if they exercise enough for me to befriend them. Same for their clothes-shopping habits, past some very basic threshold. Same for whether they pay for me.
A lot of this advice for how to improve yourself so that other people like you comes off so incredibly vain, neurotic, and juvenile.
Re: Ask HN: How to be alone?
#200[deleted]