Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

191–200 of 210 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#191

Post by throwaway365435 »

We each have personal checking and savings. We have a joint credit card, checking and savings.

We maintain a ratio based of our base salaries. If I make 200k and she makes 100k then I pay for 66% of the joint cc, mortgage, utilities, etc. and she pays the remaining 33%. Anything we do, or use together gets split like this. Eating out, vacation, etc.

Since bonuses and stock are unpredicitable they do not form our "split percentage" but it all just goes into joint savings.

Besides that If I want to buy tech, video games, gym membership, whatever I pay for that personally. Same for her clothing, makeup, hobbies etc.

I grew up with daily fighting over how my parents spent each others money. Those scars are very deep and this is my attempt to avoid them. We've only been at it for a couple years now but it's great so far.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#192

Post by Jemaclus »

ISL wrote: post #24

In general, we each contribute an equal fraction of our income to a joint account. That money is "team money", from which money then flows to "team savings" and investment accounts. If we make an expenditure out of the team accounts, it gets authorized by both of us, either explicitly (for big stuff) or through an enduring understanding (like groceries). Non-team money lives in individual accounts, for the individual…

We do something very similar. I make about 2x what my partner makes, and our joint expenditures are divided up similarly. We don't feel the need to get approval to buy whatever we want with our own income, but we also happen to be relatively frugal, so there has yet to be a moment where, say, she comes home with a car that she didn't tell me about.

I also don't have a problem saving up money to buy nice things for us that comes out of "my" account, because I mean, technically it's all "our" money, even if they're in separate accounts. The separate account thing just makes it mentally easier for me to justify to myself being able to buy a new guitar and for her to justify to herself about buying a new bike.

At the end of the day, we're on the same page about finances and neither of us (to my knowledge) resents the other, and that's just about as good as it gets, I think.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#195

Post by cosmodisk »

We've been having one pot since we moved in together. I end up earning more but she's spending a lot of time with our daughter+ ensuring the home is ship shape. We had discussions over years and she still doesn't always feel that the money is ours and not just mine or her. I did speak about this with quite few people amongst friends/family and it looks like one pot system isn't very popular and more often based on shared contribution model, where they would split the bills on rent/food, etc. In our case, I have 100% trust in her not going bananas and buying some expensive stupid shit we don't necessarily need or can afford ( I'm more likely to do so). So it's a balanced and pragmatic approach.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#196

Post by drakonka »

dougmwne wrote: post #149

My partner and I have been together 15 years. We have always had separate finances and split expenses evenly. We always lived well below our means and never spend more on housing than the person with the lower salary could afford. We have gone back and forth a few times who was making more, anywhere from 2x to one person not having a job for awhile. We are free to spend our own money as we see fit. For any shared pur…

Not nearly at 15 years here, but my partner and I have the same arrangement right now. We talked early about keeping finances separate. We have _fairly_ similar mindsets to spending and saving, which I think helps. I make a bit more for now, but don't end up going on super lavish vacations or events that the other person couldn't afford anyway. Most of my income is not directly accessible to me anyway as it is in my limited company, and I pay myself a very moderate salary. Sometimes I make up the difference if I want something that would stretch him too much financially. I'm pretty sure in a few years he'll be making way more money than me, and trust that he'd also remain considerate of each of our limits when it comes to how we arrange spending that affects both of us.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#197

Post by lizardking »

Ultimately you are asking how to cope with jealousy. The answer is different for everybody I suppose but the easiest answer is "don't be jealous". You are a married couple, you succeed or fail as a unit. The only thing stopping you from fully enjoying your mutual success if your own ego.

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#198

Post by ironlake »

All money is our money. Families don't compete for resources. My spouse is not working right now, but when she did, she made a quarter of my income.

>until it came time to use that rainy day funds and she started feeling that we were spending her money.

Why are you married?

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#199

Post by giaour »

telman17 wrote: post #3

I am currently the main provider and my wife works part time while in school. All money is our money no matter who earned it. It’s never been a point of debate or emotions other than “oh we got more money this month, cool!” in the event of a bonus or extra income. We have a budget and try to stick to it and have occasional vacations or upgrade something in the house. When it comes to finances we are a single unit and…

How does this work for "specialty" savings accounts like 401Ks and HSAs (which are typically set up for an individual by their employer)? Does each one of you list the other as the sole beneficiary of each account, or have you been able to make those joint accounts as well?

Re: Ask HN: How do you and your spouse handle big income differences?

#200

Post by jononomo »

oijnhd wrote: post #157
jononomo wrote: post #38

A lot of commenters are completely overlooking the gender dynamic here. A husband earning much more than his wife is different than a wife earning much more than her husband.

If, as you imply, he feels emasculated by his wife earning more, that's his problem to solve with himself first. His wife shouldn't have to take the brunt of this on top of what is likely a high stress, high pressure career.

Sure -- but this dynamic is extremely well understood -- it's not like it's only every fifteenth man who would feel emasculated by this -- it's more like every other man.
Post reply on HN