Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

news.ycombinator.com

191–200 of 218 posts

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#191
I didn’t really make many friends until junior year, and the majority of my “friends from college” I didn’t actually meet until after I graduated. So don’t let that deter you.

I lived at home and went to the local state university, so I missed many of the social things that brought people together freshman year. A couple things helped me.

I started hanging out at school a lot more. Some of the first people I really got to be friends with were all working on campus at the places I spent time at. Be friendly and say hello to these people, especially if they look bored.

I started using the gym more. Classes and clubs will help you find more like minded people. And when you keep coming after the first enrollment ends bonds are more likely since it’s not assumed you’ll stop going next quarter.

Finding work on campus really helped me a lot. I found a department that needed a lot of student help, then got to know someone on staff who could vouche for me. I made a ton of friends from that.

I started keeping an ear out for house parties. I’m asocial at best most of the time, but I somehow found I liked a good party. I also found that after a while you start running into a lot of the same people and can start to form bonds that way. Also note I didn’t drink in college so don’t worry too much about drinking culture, I found the only parties with extreme drinking pressure were ones I didn’t want to stay at anyways.

Mostly, I can say that I started making more friends when I started being more friendly. One other piece of advice, it’s much easier to be friendly with someone who is already smiling than someone who is not. This works both ways too, if you want to be approachable it’s best to have a slightly positive expression when you’re willing to expend social energy.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#192
You are probably swamped with comments already, so you probably won't read this. But I think one of the issues that I had with making friends was the feeling that nearly everyone I was talking to and trying to make friends with seemed to be doing better with it than me (ex: the acquaintances I made in my classes having too many friends already, so they don't want to hang).

I think a part of that is due to the average person you talk to and try to make friends with has a lot more friends than the average person. I think it's kind of like how the average YouTube video you watch has a lot more views than the average YouTube video.

People with more friends hang out more and are more social, they meet more people, and they meet more people who want to be friends with them.

Factors like that might cause you to feel less confident about how you're doing with making friends and socializing, and which cause you to want to try less and put yourself out there less.

If you're trying (and thinking how I was thinking back then), you're probably doing better than you think.

The most important factor in becoming popular is luck.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#193
post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) do this after you get home - don’t literally jot that stuff down in a notebook while talking to them. You may forget some details, that’s ok. The important part is that you’ll think over that interaction while it’s fresh on your mind. 5) (not saying that you specifically are guilty of this, just adding it for completeness) and wear clean clothes. This was a hygiene fail that I, a female CS major, was subjected to…

> ... and jeans after three or four, ... That's likely way too frequent and will quickly wear the denim out. Granted, it depends. For casual/social wear, washing jeans every 4-6 weeks is typically fine. Obviously wash them sooner if there's any smell that simply airing them out doesn't cure, or if they're visibly dirty. I agree that everything else on your body should pretty much be worn once and washed, barring top-…

> every 4-6 weeks

╭(°A°`)╮

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#194

1. Join a bunch of clubs that interest you. Go consistently. Join clubs that you might enjoy but improve your social skills (acting, improv, debate, etc). Don't just hang out with the same people all the time. 2. Treat being social as a skill. Schedule time that you go out and force yourself to speak to people you don't know. Learn to care less about what others think of you, and learn to accept rejection. 3. Learn t…

> 4. Keep track of everyone you speak to. Everyone. Write down what they mentioned they liked, who their family is, what matters to them. Maintain their contact. Reach out during holidays and birthdays in a heartfelt way. https://www.monicahq.com/

Is this website satire?

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#195
post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) do this after you get home - don’t literally jot that stuff down in a notebook while talking to them. You may forget some details, that’s ok. The important part is that you’ll think over that interaction while it’s fresh on your mind. 5) (not saying that you specifically are guilty of this, just adding it for completeness) and wear clean clothes. This was a hygiene fail that I, a female CS major, was subjected to…

> ... and jeans after three or four, ... That's likely way too frequent and will quickly wear the denim out. Granted, it depends. For casual/social wear, washing jeans every 4-6 weeks is typically fine. Obviously wash them sooner if there's any smell that simply airing them out doesn't cure, or if they're visibly dirty. I agree that everything else on your body should pretty much be worn once and washed, barring top-…

Maybe this depends on location, I am in Texas and much of the year jeans will stink after wearing 2 times, also college students walk a lot. Walking several miles in 100 degree heat will make changing them necessary.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#196

Buy a guitar. Play it loud. Get fucked up on alcohol and drugs. You will get kicked off campus. This is your first sign of success. Play the guitar louder. Drink more and do more drugs. All these fuck ups that are still around? One of those is your drummer. This is the crux. Which one is it? Answering this question correctly results in absolute freedom and the actualization of your soul. Or like do meetups or somethi…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#197

1. Join a bunch of clubs that interest you. Go consistently. Join clubs that you might enjoy but improve your social skills (acting, improv, debate, etc). Don't just hang out with the same people all the time. 2. Treat being social as a skill. Schedule time that you go out and force yourself to speak to people you don't know. Learn to care less about what others think of you, and learn to accept rejection. 3. Learn t…

4) do this after you get home - don’t literally jot that stuff down in a notebook while talking to them. You may forget some details, that’s ok. The important part is that you’ll think over that interaction while it’s fresh on your mind. 5) (not saying that you specifically are guilty of this, just adding it for completeness) and wear clean clothes. This was a hygiene fail that I, a female CS major, was subjected to…

To take the button up hack one step further - toss them in the dryer for a few minutes, just to let them warm up.

Take them out one by one “flicking them” from the collar / arm area, and then hang.

It’ll reduce the wrinkles even more.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#199
post #178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) do this after you get home - don’t literally jot that stuff down in a notebook while talking to them. You may forget some details, that’s ok. The important part is that you’ll think over that interaction while it’s fresh on your mind. 5) (not saying that you specifically are guilty of this, just adding it for completeness) and wear clean clothes. This was a hygiene fail that I, a female CS major, was subjected to…

> ... and jeans after three or four, ... That's likely way too frequent and will quickly wear the denim out. Granted, it depends. For casual/social wear, washing jeans every 4-6 weeks is typically fine. Obviously wash them sooner if there's any smell that simply airing them out doesn't cure, or if they're visibly dirty. I agree that everything else on your body should pretty much be worn once and washed, barring top-…

It depends excessively on season and climate; adjust for all new locations and times of the year.

If a climate induces sweat assume reduced upper limits even for breathable items (E.G. shorts).

If you smoke or apply perfumes, all of these times are out the window for my tastes; it is impossible for you to have fresh cloths.

Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

#200
Make sure you understand your motives to do so. I’m a lifelong loner, don’t really have any friends but a few folks I meet about once a year and sometimes talk to online. That’s OK, it’s just who I am. So why exactly are you looking for friends? Often understanding the need in specific terms allows to find a solution. Hope this helps!
Post reply on HN