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Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

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191–200 of 553 posts

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#191
post #30

I make I try to get at least one Git commit every day, but my job is pretty draining, so that doesn't happen. And sometimes all my projects get blocked on hard stuff that I don't have the energy to solve. For all I know, I might look alright on paper. I've co-authored a paper in a respectable journal, written a few Rails apps, a few desktop apps, and a crappy interpreter for an old language - which doesn't really use…

I know of no other domain where it is expected that you learn on the job and don't come pre-built with all the necessary knowledge to perform on day one.

If you are doing 15$ an hour ask for some place that will hire you for 20$ at the bottom of the barrel, knowing you want to learn on the job and ask if that salary can be reviewed every 3 months.

Also where are you located? Some of us might be looking for interns or junior devs willing to learn.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#192

I've been struggling with adulthood ever since turning 30 and starting a family. I have this image in my head of what life after 30 looks like from seeing my parents and all their friends doing basically the same thing as each other. It's not a life I want for myself, but every decision I make pushes me further and further in that direction. My mind has been programmed to think and act in a way that eventually lands…

All the comments applaud the change and to avoid the unavoidable, but isn't the unavoidable a "normal" path almost everybody takes? When you are young, you have all the options. When you're done studying, you realize you choose a path. And the options deminish. Than family life, husband/wife, kids. Now you're options are crushed. You need the income. The kids need the stable home. Of course there are a lot of variations (people not studying, not having kids, being wealthy, etc), but I think the majority do study, work and have kids.

I wonder, is your father still around? Did he have other plans? Or, like you, "life happened"?

I'm not saying you shouldn't spice up your life by getting out of your comfort zone. I'm saying, accept the part that "life happened". You did nothing wrong, you walked the path, like the rest of us. Now make the best of it!

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#193

Getting excited about my career. I keep getting in a loop where I feel like I can't grow and the challenges aren't there, so my work performance starts to slacken, which in turn is used to justify giving me the same tasks again. Eventually I burn out and get a new job, which I'm excited about for about a year, before it becomes clear that what was promised me in terms of opportunity and advancement isn't going materi…

Maybe start taking on as much responsibility as you can for the role you want before you have it. Obviously that has to be done respectfully and in a genuinely helpful manner relative to however has the role now.

But if you focus on the idea that anyone in a company can have a CEO type impact (or other role impact) if they learn how to manage themselves and others well, then you may be more motivated by the challenge and progress toward your goal.

And you will be 100% more qualified than you need to be when you officially get the role you want. So think beyond just the next step.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#194
post #26

Long-term: dating/relationships. I'm very outgoing, but I have love shyness or something like that. I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable. I've always been alone. Short-term: not much! I recently dropped everything and moved to the other side of the globe (Japan) on a student visa. I'm studying a very interesting language and culture and making friends with people from all…

" I basically don't date. I find the entire thing extremely stressful and unbearable" I had the same problem. I am sure you have heard this before"you regret what you do not do, not what you did". So SUCK IT UP, and get out there. After a few dates, you will thank me. But I agree the short term sucks, but it will be worth it.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#195
I struggle with the management of my life, honestly.

Dealing with a chronic health condition, working full time, exercise (which often doesn't happen), spending time with friends and family (whom I've been neglecting in favor of a project), and finding time for the absurdly long list of projects I want to work on (which never gets shorter as I rarely get to work on them).

The health and work thing really take up all of my time. It's kind of a bummer, really.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#196
post #124

Depression, particularly since my wife of 28 years divorced me. It has gotten a lot better in recent months, but it's almost two years since she asked for the divorce. And as I have turned to spiritual and mental health work to alleviate my depression, staying interesting in tech stuff. Although Racket and Rust look kind of fun.

It's been less than a year for me and I struggle with it too. I suspect from talking to people who went through the same thing that it is totally normal. Honestly a lot of the recommendations of people were to do work on myself or activities that are easier to do when not depressed. I decided to indulge in massages, vacation, audio books while taking nice walks and watching movies of genres I could never watch next to my ex.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#197

I struggle with the question whether to have children or not. I'm surrounded by new fathers who struggle with their children, whose wives have turned from attractive women into unattractive moms. I read witty comments all the time suggesting how much of a burden kids are. This struggle burns me out.

reddit.com/r/childfree

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#198
post #181

tinnitus

Ditto. What an annoying thing. To fall asleep (and I sleep extremely well) I have mp3s of comedy playing otherwise I only hear the sounds of my ears and cannot get to sleep. It tried muziek, nature noises, white noise, other noise; nothing really seems to work besides something that fluctuates enough but somehow not music. The stuff I play I know by heart so it does not interest me per se but it all still makes me laugh and is never annoying; cannot put on audio books as then I would not sleep but listen to them.

I cannot do speech conference calls mostly as I will hear nothing and real meetings need to be in quiet rooms or I hear nothing of what was said. Chat rooms are a godsend. Not sure what I would have done if I lived currently in the 80s.

Because I have had this for a long while I recognise people who have a similar or the same affliction; in business especially men are ashamed or something of it; many times in meetings when there is persistent background noise, I see people in the room who clearly understand absolutely nothing of what is said but act like they do. I just ask if we can move somewhere else or that they will need to start talking louder and while looking at me.

Besides the tinnitus my hearing is good; in hearing tests I score well and aids do not help with this.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#199

I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.

Dated heavily through HS and college, got married my last semester of university and am still happily married. I have a few friends who are still in the dating game, and some who have gotten married recently as adults, so I'll try to fuse what I can:

+ Unless your goal is to hookup or just have fun, avoid dating apps. Dating apps are basically meat markets with a layer of social skills. Instead focus on engaging in activities that you really enjoy and meeting people through them - hiking, classic cinema, etc. Instead of judging purely on looks you'll have a chance to interact with possible partners and start with strong common ground. You'll also gain meaningful friendships this way which is beneficial in a lot of other ways.

+ Do focus on self improvement. Do active things (that are also enjoyable and fun), have a robust career, and seriously spend time introspecting your own personality and mind. Learn the finer points of manners, make sure to have spotless hygiene, and clean up your style.

+ Important note here - charisma, like everything else, can be studied and learned. I had terrible charisma until I spent time learning it. Ask a socially skilled confidant to (gently) critique your charisma and give you feedback. Consider taking something like improv if you do better in a classroom setting.

+ 60/40. 60% of your attention should be focused on your partner and their needs. You don't want to hog all the attention, but you also don't want to dote on them like some kind of clingy rescue animal. Given that people tend to be a little bit self biased, 60/40 tends to be a good split to keep in mind. Small gestures (filling their glass before yours, pulling chairs out for them, etc) go a very very long way.

+ Treat other people well, and treat other people personably. That is to say, treat others (whether it's a romantic partner or a random waiter) as if they are a good friend, and that you will see them quite frequently.

Re: Ask HN: What do you struggle with?

#200

I’m 30 and haven’t really had much dating experience. It boggles my mind how people are already married by 30. How does dating work? Serious question.

I'm guessing because you're on this site, you might have a professional life and/or hobbies that skew towards the introverted and solitary, or at the very least are predominantly male-dominated. Ultimately you have to find activities that allow you to meet a more diverse group of people, and when doing so, project a general air of confidence and sociability. Keep doing it until it becomes natural, it may take years. Maybe you'll meet someone special romantically, maybe you'll just make friends. Either way you win.

If you're not working out, then start. It will help immensely. If you're not eating right, then start. These are the two most important things you can do, especially if you don't know where to start.

Leverage existing social networks - have friends who are couples? get to know them better, its possible they'll know someone they can set you up with.

Dating apps can work for some people but they can be an absolute grind and can leave you disillusioned and discouraged.

Don't resort to "tricks", don't "try" too hard, and don't think you have to become someone you're not comfortable with - just become the best version of yourself you can be, and just get yourself out there. Everything else will eventually fall into place.

Edit: someone mentioned improv - I would say this is 100% one of the best group activities you can do - they are inclusive, supportive, and have a diverse group of men and women. You will make friends, increase confidence, and be a part of a community.

Think of it like an investment. The more and longer you invest in your social life, the more rewards you will reap.

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