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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#181

Post by CuriousSkeptic »

RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

> Don't rush things. Your young child doesn't need that new gadget or that new app or that new programming language.

Just want to put an emphasis on this. If I were to start over this is the thing I’d keep in mind.

I would try to have more patience, letting it take a few more years to progress through levels (books, movies, games, activities). Not because later stuff is necessarily to advanced or age inappropriate, but because everything you choose to spend time with necessarily means thing you choose not to spend time with.

Be where you are, and enjoy the present, the future will come.

And also, on gadgets, the science on child development and screen time has advanced the last decade. I think the current take is to try to avoid screens entirely the first two years.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#182

Post by RickJWagner »

Two pieces of advice:

1) There is a book called 'Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons'. It works. Buy it and use it.

2) College can either be incredibly expensive and a poor investment or relatively inexpensive and a great investment. To make it the latter, set your sights on high ACT or SAT scores early in the game, begin working with practice books and even coaches before 9th grade. If you get this one right, you will raise a good scholar and save a great deal of money.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#183

Post by wingtw »

vivegi wrote: post #41

My first son is 21 yrs and younger is 19 yrs now. One purchase from that time that I felt was absolutely worth it was the Playtex Diaper Genie. Also, invest in a good quality infant car seat. Don't forget to enjoy this time.

No post body was provided.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#184

Post by Simon_O_Rourke »

itsmemattchung wrote: post #46

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style

They don't try that with me and my wife any more, you have to nip that stuff in the bud. My rule is that unless you're actively helping you don't criticize. If there are dirty dishes, then anyone complaining about them can go and clean them up.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#185

Post by technothrasher »

ukd1 wrote: post #134

Make sure you (both) take enough time off. Find help so you can take at least one night out a week together. Everyone seems to have their own advice (e.g. literally had two nurses back to back give different advice...aka opinions), you've got to figure out your own, sometimes not perfect way. The kid will adapt, even when you make mistakes. A lot of pediatricians seem incompetent. Double check their recommendations /…

> If you choose no circumision, American pediatricians seem to have zero idea what to do.

I got tag-teamed by the pediatrician and my wife, both suggesting I was some kind of monster for questioning the need for the circumcision.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#186

Post by philliphaydon »

RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

> Read to your children.

I’ve been reading to my daughter since she was about 1 year 6 months. She’s 3 years 9 months now. It’s at the point that if she’s naughty I just say. Please pick up your toys or there won’t be a bed time story. And they are picked up quickly! She doesn’t want to miss out on story time.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#187

Post by philliphaydon »

wingtw wrote: post #172
RyanOD wrote: post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Definitive yes to reading! It develops them so quickly AND its a joy to both. Start early, doesnt matter if they dont yet understand. Just listenong your voice and building a habit you both will adore

Yes start early! Very important in my opinion! It’s good bonding too!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#188

Post by DaveExeter »

sparrish wrote: post #114
Freak_NL wrote: post #60

Not mentioned here yet, as this should be a no-brainer to most people, but if you're American and it's a boy: don't start his life by cutting of a perfectly good piece of penis (i.e., circumcision). That's his call, optionally (but probably not, rare medical conditions excepted) later in life. Don't do it just because the cornflakes guy said so. If you're going to do that anyway because of religion you won't be convi…

To offer the not-so-rare medical condition story, my wife and I were house-parents at a children's home and one of the 10-year old boys was having recurring infections because of poor hygiene habits. After the second time in the hospital to deal with it, the Dr. decided circumcision was the best course forward. The pain and discomfort that poor boy went through as he recovered is something I'd never wish on anyone. I…

No post body was provided.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#189

Post by philliphaydon »

One thing. What works for other people probably won’t work for you. I spent a lot of time reading everything I could to prepare myself and when my first daughter was born. 95% of what I read didn’t apply.

Your own child is unique. You will figure out what works and what doesn’t work. But it’s rewarding.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#190

Post by wingtw »

hdjjhhvvhga wrote: post #109

1) There will be more periods without sex - sometimes quite long - but that's perfectly fine. The sooner you accept this, the better. It's probably better to appreciate other nice aspects of life more and treat sex like a bonus rather than a part of the package. Things can change for the better or not, just stop expecting anything. 2) Don't bend over backwards and be too harsh on yourself and your partner. All parent…

Dont agree on the sex part - its a receipe for growing apart with your spouse. Talk to her, dont force it. Cuddle and love her in general. She'll discover soon that the wish is mutual :)
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