Ask HN: How to break anxiety/fear-avoidance cycle?

Below is a list of things that I've gathered over time that work for me. If you'd like to have a chat, happy to hear you out, sometimes that also helps.

State of mind

- First remember that anxiety is normal and debilitating. There's nothing inherently wrong, sometimes it's just a culmination of different things.

- Anxiety comes in peaks usually matching particular stressors like workload or difficulty in coping with work. It might seem in that peak that everything is wrong, but it usually isn't and you'll be clearer of mind soon.

> Many are the things that have caused terror during the night and been turned into matters of laughter with the coming of daylight. Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

- Anxiety creates a vicious cycle of guilt. Break that by giving yourself time and space to be better. An afternoon or morning away is better than a week feeling like shit.

> “If there is no solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem then don't waste time worrying about it.” - Dalai Lama XIV

Writing down

- Because of the Zeigarnik effect, the mind finds closure in things that are written down. It's a good exercise to write all the tasks that clobber our mind.

Plan it

- We have anxiety, which tends to lead to procrastination, when workload is high or tasks are difficult. So it's important to divide and conquer. Break down large tasks into small ones that we can do easily

- As much as possible, address small things that you can do. You build momentum on winning small tasks. Identify small things that you can do to win. Winning creates a virtuous circle of serotonin which builds momentum.

- As soon as there is a plan, our mind anchors to that plan as a way to relax.

Exercise

- Seratonin has anxiolitic properties that help to counter anxiety.

- Resistance training (anaerobic), with low-to moderate intensity, seems to offer a reliable and robust decrease in anxiety: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4090891/

- Aerobic treadmill exercise training appear to contribute to Serotonin levels https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11064-009-0066-x

- Go outside in the morning to get natural light. It sets your circadian rhythm for the day. You can combine this practice with a short jog, bike ride, or walk. Lateral eye movement caused by self-propelled motion is shown to reduce stress. Your eyes scan the environment in front of you from side to side. This triggers a process that tells your brain there are no imminent threats ahead of you, causing a calming effect that will help you break free from stress-induced tunnel vision. (Andrew Huberman, Ph.D., a professor at Stanford)

Sleep

- Sleeping affects mood. Sleeping 8 hours, if possible, is critical

Food

- Heavy processed and junk food also affect the body leaving us clunky and unmotivated. Important to regulate

- Healthy homemade food is the best course of action. If possible, cooked by yourself, as the action of cooking food is rewarding by itself.

Reading

- In an anxiety peak, it's difficult to focus and to be productive. Reading is an activity that is beneficial to reduce stress even if forced.

Expectations

- People sometimes accumulate expectations from others. Insecurity can lead to accumulate these to a point where it's not possible to deliver work. One must be effective in managing these expectations.

- Create boundaries. In an anxiety peak: Remove news, email, twitter and slack from daily consumption; Remove screens from start and end of the day. -> - Smartphones reduce available cognitive capacity and lead to Survivorship bias; Force to say 'no' to things

Granny's Rule

- Grannys rule - eat your carrots first This means that you should have things that you look forward to doing. What brings you joy? What do you feel like doing? Aim to include that in your plan and have that as your reward!

Would you be willing to share your strategy?

There were a couple times where I just didn't turn something in, even if it was half done. I'm in my late 30's now and still struggle with motivation. I'll go back and forth between 8-10 hours of heads down coding in a day to maybe 30 minutes. I don't think it's burnout because I honestly can't even tell what kind of day it's going to be until it's half over.

This is really the only way it keeps getting better for me. Big big +1 on this one

This is what I try and do with my kids. They're elementary school age - if you tell them "go clean your room", they will melt down because the problem is too big for them to understand how to fix it.

Conceptually, they know they just need to put one thing away at a time, but often their emotions kick in first and short circuits rational thought. I help them through this by sitting in the room with them and just calling out 3 things that can easily be put away and tell them to just do those 3 things. Then we will do it again, and again, and again, and ....., until the room is close to being clean and they can finally take care of themselves.

I also point out the phenomenon to them - I call it their "monkey brain" impulse, which I use to describe any impulsive or avoidant behavior. I also use "lizard brain" when they go into a blind rage against their sibling at some perceived slight or injustice, and %kid_name% brain for when rational thought and morality are piloting their actions. The framework seems to work for them, and helps them think about their thoughts (which is a concept I had to introduce to them, they'd literally never thought about doing that - I guess kids don't develop that until later?).

You are stuck in a mental structure. There are many good advises which help you to gradually improve that structure.

You can also try to leave it and come back with a new set of mind.

Do something new (and safe), without preparation. E.g. take your phone, go out into the street, let the internet select a new, random song and play it aloud, and dance to it. The more people who see it and the more they are puzzled the better. Also: Allow yourself to enjoy it a little bit.

You will see that you can do anything. You don't need all knowledge in advance and it doesn't matter how others judge it. Write your assignment with that mindset.