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Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

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Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#171

Post by jyounker »

motohagiography wrote: post #47
qnleigh wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hopefully it's obvious, but cutting yourself out of your remaining social connections is not good advice. I don't understand what this is supposed to gain you, but it's obviously not worth it, for you or your kids. Also sounds like you should not get rid of your PC, unless it helps you acquire a laptop. > this is the harshest advice I can think of Good job. Did you stop to think if this was -good- advice?

a man's dependent children are not his "social connections." whether my scenario is the correct path or not, I'd repeat that considering this is what other advice should be seen in light of. however, if you want to drill down on it: what is a guy going to do with a pc he needs secure shelter to operate? what kind of decisions is he going to make that protect it? what kind of promises is he going to make and break to…

If you think that your children aren't social connections, then I have one question: What happened to you?

You are right that he needs to ditch the PC, but he needs to ditch it for a laptop.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#172

Post by imtringued »

waste_monk wrote: post #119
ty6853 wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is based on imputed not actual income, unlike taxes. Hence say someone getting taken hostage by terrorists will owe back support and be jailed upon their release [0]. The tax analogy would be the IRS thinks you should be better at stocks, maybe on the basis you had a few good years, then taxes you for that this year instead of your bad gains due to luck/depression/whatever. https://greensboro.com/ex-hostage-jailed…

Unfortunately they have to be pretty harsh about chasing up child support, as people spend fantastic amounts of time and effort trying to dodge it. Support has to use imputed income based on earning capacity, because people regularly quit their jobs (or get ones that pay significantly worse that their previous income) to avoid paying child support. I have a relative who worked in family law and I have no doubt there…

That sounds like an incredibly dumb way to solve the problem. The correct solution is to have a mandatory insurance policy for child support that both parents pay in and contributes to their retirement account once the children are adults.

>stupid and vindicative enough that they would deliberately get themselves held hostage, if they thought it would get them out of child support.

It sounds like you're arguing in favor of a broken system. In what world is it rational to get held hostage? In this one apparently.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#173

Post by dogman144 »

Seems with southern UT, the three differentiators to your situation are the incoming summer heat, LDS and SLC tech.

Heat - I’d try to get a laptop soon, and start scouting out your WiFi access points that have A/C. As you know the heat there is no joke, doubly so if using electronics. Reply to this thread if you want a factory reset MB pro, few years old model. I would have to ship it.

LDS - you’re there and sounds like maybe in the church or familiar re: southern UT family? If you’re a Jack Mormon or w/e, sounds like a good time to find yourself back in the church and get w/e help you can source relative to your tolerance for integration. If you’re out, I’d look up ex-Mormon support groups, or consider how LDS you can become in short order to get help.

SLC - tech work is here, and I’d rather be in SLC vs Vegas or St George if housing was unstable due to heat, and the car might not handle a big drive in the future. So I’d plan a move soon. However, CoL in SLC has jumped, and idk how cops there treat homeless. So, I’d expand my work radius to the SW broadly and the Mormon valley from AZ up to Missoula.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#174

Post by imtringued »

waste_monk wrote: post #146
1123581321 wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sounds like a plaintiff's perspective when there is no concern for the welfare of the other parent. From a broader view of family law, we should be trying to make it more fair and being watchful for opportunities to reform abuses. The public has an interest in the welfare of both parents and any children in a divorce. We want the children to have two healthy and stable parents, and we do not want to incur health…

>That sounds like a plaintiff's perspective when there is no concern for the welfare of the other parent. It would be more accurate to say that the court prioritises the welfare of the child above that of the parents. That is, the system (in theory) should enforce that the child recieves the same level of support and standard of living as it would if the parents had not separated. Judges take a very dim view of paren…

>It would be more accurate to say that the court prioritises the welfare of the child above that of the parents.

That's not true. The welfare of the child is already destroyed by separating the child from one of its parents. If the court prioritized the welfare of the child, then it would give out 50:50 custody by default, with the non-custodial parent having to consent to child support to avoid custody.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#175

Post by imtringued »

waste_monk wrote: post #165
ENGNR wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is this reasonable though? Going from one household to two households raises expenses. People also just go through bad times, mental troubles, skills atrophy. Even just not seeing your kids might make someone lose the will to get up early and give it all they’ve got for another decade. Is it really fair that previously they got to work hard to buy their kid nice things, but now they must work hard to buy them nice th…

>Is this reasonable though? Going from one household to two households raises expenses. People also just go through bad times, mental troubles, skills atrophy. These sorts of things are accounted for when calculating child support obligations, and in any case judges are not computers and can use their discretion in such matters. As long as you're operating in good faith you shouldn't have any issues. I was specifical…

>Think of the reverse perspective - is it fair for a child to have to, for example, give up after school sports, because one of their parents decided that they would prefer not to pay child support?

This is backwards. You're ignoring that the divorce has to be initiated in the first place and that divorce usually results in the removal of custody by the father and thereby creates an obligation to pay child support on the side of the father. Therefore divorce is causal. A desire to not pay child support does not lead to a child having to give up after school sports in the absence of divorce.

So let's replace what you said with reality:

>Think of the reverse perspective - is it fair for a child to have to, for example, give up after school sports, because their parents divorced? Or be forced to change schools and lose their social group because tuition is unaffordable on a single income?

Yes it is fair, because the divorce was initiated despite the expectation of these outcomes. If a man or woman initiates divorce, they must have had a good reason to do so and we should not question that reason by arguing that school sports or tuition are more important than the reason for divorce.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#176

Post by jyounker »

gremlinsinc wrote: post #15
notsure357 wrote: post #6

Your dreams of making it in AI sound far fetched to me. I would look for a more solid career path such as within a trade. Learn basic plumbing or electrical work. You might be able to find someplace to work as an apprentice as you learn too.

I was making 50 per hour doing freelance programming two years ago but I've had trouble finding clients and then I didn't have a place to work from, making it even harder. That's my biggest obstacle. I've got 10+years experience with PHP, JavaScript, laravel. etc...

I say this as a person who has spent the last month mostly living out a minivan: You need a laptop.

A laptop will vastly expand the number of places you can work from.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#177

Post by jyounker »

EconomistBon wrote: post #43

1. Give up dream of tech. 2. Call local tech schools and ask about rapid certifications and sponsorship programs like Kentucky has for CDL training doe people experiencing privation 3. Live on student loans working toward a licensable occupation in which graduate degrees benefit you, such as social work, nursing, teaching, paralegal 4. Live on loans either in a dorm or get the cheapest studio apartment around. 5. You…

He has written elsewhere that he has 10 years experience.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#178

Post by DullPointer »

Far outside of my lived experience, but, here’s a take anyway.

Your priorities sound out of line with your current financial reality.

Concretely, you’re struggling with $890 in car costs that your current income depends on and asking how to escape homelessness. The crappy reality is that you need to maximize the safety of your one existing income stream ahead of nearly everything else. That means building up an emergency fund for car repairs.

Free cash flow, a well maintained car and a savings/emergency fund are the biggest lifelines you will be able to give yourself in the near term.

If you can get a programming job or a cheap laptop (sub $200 old Thinkpad on eBay) and start picking up some freelancing work you can do in a public library or similar, that’s amazing, but for now you’re really all in on your car and it sounds like you need to focus on that until it’s safe and stable.

Hopefully if you’re frugal, not too unlucky and do your best you’ll have more options in a few months.

This sucks and I really hope things get better for you.

Re: Ask HN: How do I escape homelessness after rebuilding my mental health?

#179

Post by jyounker »

timewizard wrote: post #45
bowsamic wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Those do not sound like a pathway to mental health. If you don’t consider therapy a pathway to mental health I’m not sure what could be

"Therapy" and "going to therapy" are actually two different things. I don't read this as someone putting in the work, I read this as someone attempting to check the right boxes, and life simply does not work that way.

I read this as someone giving a tiny bit of background information before they move onto the real question: How do I get housing?
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