My mentor pointed out my defensive nature a long time ago and quizzed me on it. My response was that the product of my work was like a baby. Very quickly he replied « you’ve got an ugly baby - so what. Make sure it grows up beautifully » that stuck with me for sure and helps me look at issues objectively.
Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
171–180 of 653 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#172I’ve assumed the mindset that I’m not an expert in anything and that any comment on my capabilities should be looked into because, well, as a non-expert, I can surely get things wrong.
Embracing this “forever noob” mindset has been great for learning
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#173Taking criticism of your work personally is fundamentally egotistical. The code is not part of you.
If you're making mistakes and feel bad about that, create a checklist and go over it before you ask for reviews on your PR.
If people leave criticism on your PR, ask them how they would do it!
If people point out mistakes, ask them how they would avoid making those mistakes!
If you feel personally attacked or criticized on a PR review you should present the situation to your manager and get an unbiased opinion from a 3rd party.
Comments and discussion are for the code, not you. Don't make it about you. Focus on collaborating with your teammates.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#174Understand that you are all working together to make the best product possible. That's teamwork.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#175This is what happens when you are identified with your work to some degree. The work becomes you, hence criticism appears to be no longer about your work but your person. My experience is that this often happens to individuals who have a perfectionist tendency. A very admirable trait that unfortunately can backfire in the form you described. I think you already made the first step, which is becoming conscious of this…
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Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#176Just think about the saying "nobody kicks a dead dog". If there is no hope, there is no kicking. At least there is hope. Encouraging, I know.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#177I just ignore them. Most of the feedbacks are insults or are the shortcomings of the reviewer.
To grow seek people whom you really think know stuff.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#178One thing that’s helped me is to realize that the person submitting the criticism wants the same thing as I do-a better thing- and that it’s not my work but ours.
I think software is creative and a sort of art so work is personal, but it’s collaborative and multiple people work on something. So even though I wrote it and they criticize, that means they are interested and wanting to improve the thing together.
That’s better than not caring or disinterest. Even if it’s their job and the are paid to make it better, it’s easier to build with feedback.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#179Two things that helps me a lot:
- Take a time to think about that criticism. Don't answer immediately.
- Realizing that someone make and effort to make constructive criticism shows common interest in the issue. Without it, nothing valuable is build.
I personally value more constructive criticism in my work than compliments. I'm not saying that compliments are useless, but the prevalence of compliments could make criticism personal.
Re: Ask HN: How do you not take criticism of your work personally?
#180In art school, we spent a lot of time learning how to give and receive critiques, because the fastest way to improve was to try frequently and critique often. You learn very early to divorce your ego and sense of self from your artworks and embrace every attempt as an opportunity to improve towards an ideal you can never reach. You also learn how to give meaningful criticism without being an asshole. Writing code is…
> Unfortunately, most software engineers haven't been to art school and have no formal training in how to give and receive useful feedback. I'd imagine no training in normal education is the problem here, not not being to art school...
Most normal education tends to skew towards the didactic all the way through your undergraduate studies, especially with the math and hard sciences (which includes most CS students).
That is to say, an instructor disseminates organized knowledge to the student. The student may be asked to communicate that knowledge back to prove mastery, but there's not as much emphasis on students giving each other critical feedback. Even when there is, it usually has a minor impact on your academic progress or grades.
As such, there's no incentive to learn how to give good feedback or make use of peer feedback.
Art school tends to be unique in that it cannot be taught that way. You spend years giving and receiving daily critiques and incorporating them into your growth.
The commonly accepted peer review processes we use in today's software engineering field involve giving and receiving feedback on your peers' work at a frequency that the vast majority of people simply have never experienced before.
Few people are naturally good at it, and few companies invest time into training anyone on how to do it well.