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Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

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171–180 of 343 posts

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#171

Bring a large water bottle to the birth. Go to one of those newborn classes and learn how to change a diaper and swaddle at the minimum. (If applicable) split the night into two shifts to maximize uninterrupted sleep. Listen to your gut. You're ultimately responsible for your baby. If something doesn't feel right, then speak up and set boundaries with the other people in your life. Do it from the start, preferably. B…

The shift thing really did not work for my partner and me, with our first kid, so we didn't even attempt it for our second (who is now a month old). What we tried: I would pump some milk before heading to bed @ ~10am, and he would stay with the baby and give her the expressed milk. At around 1-2am, we'd switch. Why it didn't work: * I am really bad at getting to sleep, especially if I know I have to get to sleep. So…

co-sleeping/bed-sharing worked well for us.

co-sleeping isn't approved by AAP

it looks like that is changing, ever so slightly:

https://www.savvyparentingsupport.com/new-aap-sleep-guidelin...

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#172
post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

Definitive yes to reading! It develops them so quickly AND its a joy to both. Start early, doesnt matter if they dont yet understand. Just listenong your voice and building a habit you both will adore

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#173
Bit of advice regarding leaving your toddler... to work or wherever.

It absolutely pays to tell them how sorry you are that you have to leave and how you will miss them, but that you are going to earn some money and think of them.

It also really helps to accumulate tiny, but stimulating, presents (1-10$ value) and giving it to them from time to time for waiting for you. Toy cars, dice, soap bubbles, a piece of chocolate, etc.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#174

An honest reflection of being a father for the last 2.5 years: 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying 2. Parenting is a constant cycle of ups and downs 3. Ask for help (it really does take a village) 4. Friends and family (even with good intentions) will always find something to nit-pick about your parenting style 5. Having a child will test your relationship with your partner and reveal that you tw…

> 1. Sometimes for no apparent reason, you'll start crying I don't think this has anything to do with being a parent.

No, but to be fair it's a good warning. I was never one to really let my emotions out like that, but random crying for no apparent reason definitely became a thing for me for the first few months of my son's life. I didn't know what was going on until other fathers admitted it happened to them too. That made me so much more comfortable with it.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#175

Boxes, my kids loved boxes! Often more than they toy that came in them. Plus brown boxes can be anything, encourage them draw on them, make fairy castles, forts, houses, spaceships. We took countless trips to the moon and planets with my kids in a box. Add in a few blankets and the possibilities are endless!

Ah, good times. On the topic of boxes, if you start building things with them, the best way to attach boxes together is using a hot glue gun. Don't use tape!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#176
Spending more time outdoors makes it less likely the child will end up needing glasses. Learned that one too late.

Also, people carry their childhood experiences with them for the rest of their lives, and these experiences are shaping a lot of their adult behaviors. It’s sobering to think that we as parents are responsible not only for a slice of someone’s life but for its entire trajectory.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#177
oo i have a 4 and 2 year old running around as i type this comment. you specifically asked what to prep for what's to come so i'll make some recommendations for that: - you're going to lose sleep, i dont know how to practice or prepare for this other than for the next 4 months (post birth), sleep will be a luxury but even moreso for momma so get as much sleep as you can now. things get better between 4 months and 2 years and then the terrible twos occur which in my experience has been sleepless nights for a couple of weeks again. - you're most likely going to gain weight. most habits/structure you have with working out, diet, etc.. go out the window when baby enters your world. if you dont already have work outs and healthy diet in place, it's only going to get worse. after my first born, i gained 30 pounds and when i received a pre-diabetic prognosis when my son was 12 months, i turned my life around by getting back into the habit of working out/exercising and went strict keto. by the time my second was born, i was down 40 pounds. because i had built the habit of exercise and diet going into my second born, i actually maintained my lifestyle until a completely different life milestone of being forced to step in as a General Contractor for my rona suburb house threw a wrench in everything.

after reading my own comment, i think the main thing to prepare for is sht will feel like it is hitting the fan (sometimes literal sht). nothing will go as expected and everything will change. don't try to "plan" and set expectations for how things will go because it most likely won't happen how it's "planned". this doesn't mean don't plan... you can absolutely plan for things but don't hinge success or happiness based on those plans!

i think i handle stress and unknown situations MUCH better than my partner because i'm a "go with the flow" kind of person. my spouse is a "plan for everything and always get disappointed" kind of person. with kids, nothing ever goes according to plan and the better you can shift your mindset to live and enjoy life as it happens, the more you'll actually be able to.

as the father, there's less we're literally able to do in the first 12 months (if momma is breast feeding) so anything you can help with and call "your responsibility" the less momma has to do. my friends have become the best at: - diaper changers - putting baby to sleep - burping baby after feeding (btw, baby ALWAYS can burb after a feeding. you pat/rub baby back surprisingly hard until you hear them burb, ALWAYS) - shower/bathe baby - washing/cleaning bottles - laundry/cleaning around the house

my life changed when mini-me popped out. hope yours does too!

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#178

Boxes, my kids loved boxes! Often more than they toy that came in them. Plus brown boxes can be anything, encourage them draw on them, make fairy castles, forts, houses, spaceships. We took countless trips to the moon and planets with my kids in a box. Add in a few blankets and the possibilities are endless!

Adding to this, go for simple toys, wooden blocks are great. Legos are awesome for slightly older kids. Encourage them to be creative, one of my sons friends would buy Lego kits, build them, and put them on self. I say build it, break it, combine it, create it.

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#179

Breastfeeding doesn't necessarily happen automatically. It can take practice, time and effort for the mother and baby to learn how to do it. It is easy for the mother to get really frustrated, especially after surgery when she's in pain and sleep deprived. Do what you can to support her while she's figuring it out. Breastfeeding is healthier and absolutely worth it, but don't be ashamed if you need to resort to a lit…

Better than formula is to freeze milk. Formula can quickly be preferred solution for the baby, so far that she/he'll refuse to suckle. And thats not good for the baby nor the amount of extra work (and money!) for the parents..

Re: Ask HN: First-time dad-to-be. What do you wish you'd known back then?

#180
post #140

I'm sure some of this was already mentioned, but here it goes... Read to your children. We set a goal of reading 100 novels to our daughters. We're at #80 and the girls are 13 and 11. Create some traditions. Whenever either of our daughters lost a tooth, I'd write a letter from the tooth fairy. The letters offered advice, humor, fairy "facts" and even maps to buried treasure they could go dig up. In retrospect, I wis…

> Read to your children. We set a goal of [...]

I would have said "read to them", but it seemed too obvious to mention. I loved reading to my kids at bedtime. I got A LOT better at reading aloud; I think that by the time it ended (they became faster at reading to themselves than I could read aloud), I had become quite an exciting, theatrical reader.

Something episodic, like The Arabian Nights, is useful: "It's bedtime. Do you want to know what happened to AliBaba next?" Books with illustrations are good, for avoiding interruptions like "Dad, what's an elephant?" But not picture-books; there has to be something to read. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is for them to read on their own.

Setting an annual target reading quota seems a bit like over-anxious parenting. Just read for ten minutes, 365 nights per year. You'll have to spend that ten minutes settling them anyway; might as well make it fun for them and yourself.

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